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BETTENSVILLE - "We're not talking about the illegal substance here, folks," clarified local police chief, Marvin Higgs, as he wiped the remnants of a chocolate sprinkle doughnut from his mouth. The epidemic he referred to, which has consumed the teens of Bettenville High, was of a more sugary nature. Soft drinks, specifically Coca Cola, have become the lifeblood of the local teen scene, with weekend ragers morphing into sugar-laden soda fests.
EVERETT, WA - In a controversial decision that's got everyone talking, Elmont's Sacred Oaks High School has taken the term "inclusion" to an unprecedented level. The school announced last week that all classes will henceforth be dubbed "special needs" classes. In response, parents, students, and the wider community are collectively picking their jaws off the floor.
DOWNTOWN - Local teens have found themselves in an ironic pickle as the recent legalization of marijuana has paradoxically made it harder for them to get their hands on the green stuff.
A plot worthy of a Hollywood movie has unfolded in the underbelly of the teenage hacker community as a group of aspiring code wizards embarked on a mission they dubbed "Operation Free Amouranth". The objective? To hack into the OnlyFans account of the prominent creator, Amouranth.
In a remarkable twist of events, 16-year-old prodigy Ethan Anderson has taken the world of law and politics by storm with his outlandish proposal to ban spaghetti eating contests. In a press conference held at his high school cafeteria, Ethan passionately argued that these competitions posed a grave threat to public safety and were a cause for concern regarding the potential hazards of slurping noodles.
I pledge allegiance, to the swag, OF THE MOST YOLO NATION ON THE PLANET!!! Let's be real here if you don't live in America you're most likely some beta foreign ass nerd who literally gets no pussy. From our beautiful cities (ie: camden New Jersey, MURDA CAP SON) or seductive women like honey boo boo's mother (she a bad bitch) the USA is literally perfect in every sense of the word. So I compiled a list of 8 more reasons America puts the free in freedumb.
We here at teen news had the pleasure to sit down with the 44th President of the United States. We asked him the hard-hitting questions in this exclusive one on one interview
You don't smoke weed? HAHA, what're you gay?? Just kidding friend. But seriously, read this article so you know why you're fucking up
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