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BOSS: teen gets his homework checked "ya i didn't do it" "you don't have an excuse?" "EXCUSE me but how bout you get the FUCK outta my face"                   HOUSE RULES: a teen argues with his father "WEAR YOUR SNAPBACK SON" "dad why" "there are swagless kids in africa" "UGH YOU'RE TOO RAD DAD"                   JOB: teen gets interviewed "why should we hire you?" "i have 1000 followers on twitter" "how many do you follow?" "...1200" "GET OUTTA HERE"                   STUDY: teen crams for exam PREPARE THE LUBE MOTHER *jams textbook into anus* i guess you can say ill be pulling the answers...OUT OF MY ASS                   YOU GIVE BUD A BAD NAME: teen gets creative "i named my piece Bong Jovi" dude that's sick *rips bong so dang hard* "WE'RE HALFWAY THEREEE OH                   OUCH: Teen 'eats shit' while attempting to longboard to class "ive been practicing all summer!" "fuck i ripped my favorite plaid shorts"                   YOLO: HS teen takes it to the limit LET'S *turns hat sideways* FUCKING *puts speakers up to 80% full volume* DO THIS *drinks 2 light beers*                   WORK: teen seeks job "it says here u defeated the elite 4 on ur 1st try" yes sir "congrats, u got the job. ur starting salary is $1,000,000"                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   OUCH: Teen sent to office after being wrongly accused of texting in class "jeez i was just staring at my dick" "no one texts me anyway"                   TEEN TALK: "is the double condom method more effective?" "a condom inside a condom? that's like inception dude" "...more like CONTRACEPTION"                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   PUBERTY: 16 y/o feels confident with his newly grown facial hair "one packet of cigarettes please" no "okay!" *moonwalks out of 7/11*                   iOSHEAVEN: Teens marvel in Apple's latest conquest "iOS 7 is better than being alive" "now i can die happy" "i feel steve jobs inside me"                   TEEN TALK: "is the double condom method more effective?" "a condom inside a condom? that's like inception dude" "...more like CONTRACEPTION"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   CRITIC: teen isn't too thrilled with his movie experience "more like the DECENT gatsby, 3/5 stars" "there weren't even tits"                   LEGIT: teen gets real "i'm all about three things: pussy, weed, and kill streaks" *rips bong and plays black ops* "...the pussy can wait"

COKED UP: teens just want to party "I NEED MORE" "dude put the contraband down, diabetes is no joke"

BETTENSVILLE - "We're not talking about the illegal substance here, folks," clarified local police chief, Marvin Higgs, as he wiped the remnants of a chocolate sprinkle doughnut from his mouth. The epidemic he referred to, which has consumed the teens of Bettenville High, was of a more sugary nature. Soft drinks, specifically Coca Cola, have become the lifeblood of the local teen scene, with weekend ragers morphing into sugar-laden soda fests.

odd looking teens

"SPECIAL NEEDS" SPECTACLE: LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL RENAMES ALL CLASSES IN BOLD INCLUSIONARY MOVE

EVERETT, WA - In a controversial decision that's got everyone talking, Elmont's Sacred Oaks High School has taken the term "inclusion" to an unprecedented level. The school announced last week that all classes will henceforth be dubbed "special needs" classes. In response, parents, students, and the wider community are collectively picking their jaws off the floor.

Special Needs

TEEN GRIEVANCES SURGE AS LEGALIZED WEED MAKES SOURCING STICKY ICKY TRICKY

DOWNTOWN - Local teens have found themselves in an ironic pickle as the recent legalization of marijuana has paradoxically made it harder for them to get their hands on the green stuff.


marijuana dispensary

TEEN HACKERS TARGET AMOURANTH'S ONLYFANS

A plot worthy of a Hollywood movie has unfolded in the underbelly of the teenage hacker community as a group of aspiring code wizards embarked on a mission they dubbed "Operation Free Amouranth". The objective? To hack into the OnlyFans account of the prominent creator, Amouranth.



TEEN PROPOSES BAN ON SPAGHETTI EATING CONTESTS

In a remarkable twist of events, 16-year-old prodigy Ethan Anderson has taken the world of law and politics by storm with his outlandish proposal to ban spaghetti eating contests. In a press conference held at his high school cafeteria, Ethan passionately argued that these competitions posed a grave threat to public safety and were a cause for concern regarding the potential hazards of slurping noodles.

spaghetti eating

TEEN HIJACKS PLANE WITH HOT POCKET


Sorry world, another aerial disaster occurred this afternoon involving an 18 year old college student and the reason Jim Gaffigan is able to feed his children.

NET NEUTRALITY RULING 2014: NETFLIX IS DONE FOR

Teens everywhere around the world are freaking out after the government's decision to give equal rights to the internet.  The aftermath leaves the Netflix corporation decimated, and teens devastated.

ANTI-SANTA CLAUS: WHY YOU WANT TO BE ON THE NAUGHTY LIST



Teen angst is in full force when a 15 year old named Roger decided that he would rather be on the naughty list.  Why? And what did he do to get there?

SEVEN REASONS AMERICA IS AWESOME

I pledge allegiance, to the swag, OF THE MOST YOLO NATION ON THE PLANET!!! Let's be real here if you don't live in America you're most likely some beta foreign ass nerd who literally gets no pussy. From our beautiful cities (ie: camden New Jersey, MURDA CAP SON) or seductive women like honey boo boo's mother (she a bad bitch) the USA is literally perfect in every sense of the word. So I compiled a list of 8 more reasons America puts the free in freedumb.

HOW TO STOP PHONE FROM DYING: THE 1%

Some teens are too young to realize that brave citizens tried to fight for their freedoms back in the olden days of 2011.  Two, long, dubstep filled years later teen news prompts a new discussion on where Occupy Wall Street went wrong, and the realistic goals we hope to achieve in the near future.

BARACK OBAMA INTERVIEW: TEEN NEWS EXCLUSIVE:

We here at teen news had the pleasure to sit down with the 44th President of the United States. We asked him the hard-hitting questions in this exclusive one on one interview


FIVE REALEST REASON YOU NEED TO START SMOKING WEED

You don't smoke weed? HAHA, what're you gay?? Just kidding friend. But seriously, read this article so you know why you're fucking up

SEASIDE HEIGHTS FIRE: WHO STARTED SEASIDE FRIGHTS


teen news has the exclusive story on how the massive fire at the jersey shore started earlier today around 2:00 PM EST.  the events described in this teen news exclusive are 100% true, trust me.

DUMB TWITTER HASHTAGS: WHITE GIRL FACES HARD TIME

Local teenage girl recently had charges pressed against her for incessant social media abuse


TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL

Police were called to the scene after there were reports of a local teenager acting "overly cool"

CHEAP CIGARETTES: 19 & UP

Jersey teens were seen "posting up" outside of a local 7/11 in an effort to buy a pack cigarettes.  Reports have indicated that they were "fiending" for hours and made an entire afternoon out of this mission. It's not easy supporting big tobacco in the United States of America, but somebody has to do it.

9 THINGS NOT TO SAY WHEN PULLED OVER

Teens get pulled over because teens are terrible drivers.  There's certain ethnic and gender groups that we won't mention by name that might be worse, but this is about you.  If you have never been pulled over you probably still know the routine.  The cop asks "do you know why I pulled you over son?" and you say the wrong thing and the cop beats the crap out of you.  Here's what NOT to say.

WEED STUDIES: DANK SCIENCE

A new study indicates that 3 out of 4 teenagers (approximately 69%) smoke marijuana. A follow up study was then administered where scientists conjecture that 1 in 4 teenagers happen to be nerds.

CONTRACT LAW TEEN CASE

Two teens, one male and one female, recently went to court to determine the validity of a contract that they signed on a napkin during 3rd period.

FIFTH PERIOD BRAWL: SCHOOL FIGHT

A 15 year male teen (who demanded to remain anonymous) was hospitalized for getting brutally beat up by his 'not-so fellow' classmates.