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FML: teen struggles to get by in a harsh world "my chips are so crunchy that i can't hear the tv when i eat them" "i fucking hate my life"                   SCIENCE PROJECT: "as you can see, the air flows through the water bec-" THIS IS A BONG "it's called a water pipe" GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM                   ORATORY SKILLS: teen uses a classic tactic of rhetoric in a debate with his peer "you're gay" "no, YOU'RE gay" *teen stands in shock*                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*                   HARDCORE: teens in egage in a drug deal at school "you got the moll?" yea *hands him 2 flintstones vitamins for $40* enjoy my nigga                   FAMILY DINNER: "mom what are we eating?" "we're having pasta" *mom puts on dubstep* "with a side of TURNIP" *everyone goes fucking nuts*                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   LEGIT: teen gets real "i'm all about three things: pussy, weed, and kill streaks" *rips bong and plays black ops* "...the pussy can wait"                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   SMOOTH: teen uses a classic pickup line "you like marijuana?" ummm, yeah! "marijuwanna suck my dick?" *gets laid so hard*                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   SIZZURP: Teens shocked after idol Lil Wayne goes into a codeine coma. "#PrayForWeezy" "if he dies we should def get school off"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   MIA: "mom i lost my swag!" "where did you last YOLO?" "i already checked my snapback collection!" "well i'm sure it'll TURN UP"

BARACK OBAMA INTERVIEW: TEEN NEWS EXCLUSIVE:

We here at teen news had the pleasure to sit down with the 44th President of the United States. We asked him the hard-hitting questions in this exclusive one on one interview



tn - So, Mr. Barack... Can I call you Mr. Barack?

bo - Barack is my first name

tn - Wait, really? Oh shit, okay let me start over... Mr, ummmm... What's your last name again?

bo - Obama

tn - That's a weird last name. Is it like Muslim or something?

bo - No

tn - If you say so big guy. Okay, first real question. What do you think of marijuana?

bo - I support states' rights in the legalization of marijuana if that's what the lawmakers and people of a certain state believe is the right step to take

tn - I'm just put down your response as "420 BLAZE IT". That's fine, right?

bo - No. Not at all

tn - Ugh, you're so lame. Anyway, next question. What's it like working with George Washington? Is he really as cool as people say he is?

bo - George Washington is dead.

tn - What?? When did this happen? Why didn't anyone tell me?!

bo - You can't be serious, can you?

tn - *crying* Screw you Barack! How could you be so insensitive?

bo - I think this interview is over

tn - No, wait! Please, I'll get it together. I promise

bo - *lights cig* Just get on with it faggot

tn - Oh snap!! When did you get so sassy B??

bo - ...

tn - Yes, right. The interview. Questions... Let's see here... *fumbles through paperwork* Ah! Okay, you know in the first Harry Potter when Harry gets that Dumbledore trading card? And then Harry's like, where'd Dumbledore go? And Ron was like, he can't be there forever? My question is, like, does Dumbledore just randomly appear in wizard trading cards? How does he have the time? Isn't he doing other shit most of the time? They never really explained that

bo - I... *thinks about the question for a bit until he realizes its retarded* Do you have any serious questions?

tn - Ummmmm, *fumbles through more paperwork* I think so. Here's one: What's it like being the first African American President? Is there a lot of pressure for you to live up to the expectations of great African Americans before you? And do you feel responsibility in being a figurehead for an entire demographic of people that even today still feels the horrors of racism and discrimination?

bo - Well, that's actually a very good question. Firstly, I'd like to-

tn - Oh I'm sorry that's all the time we have. Thanks for stopping by Mr. President!

bo - Go fuck yourself

tn - Okay then