LOVE IS A HIGHWAY: first date ends anticlimactically with a bit of a fender bender "i'm still confused how this is my fault...those aholes should have named it a drive-near theater"

DENVER, CO - In an incident that has left the community both baffled and amused, a local teen's first date at a traditional drive-in theater ended in an unexpected collision with the movie screen. The teen, who has blamed the venue's naming for the accident, has sparked a conversation about the driving skills of today's youth and the responsibilities of entertainment venues.

HOT OR NOT: TEEN EDITION - MUFASA ON THE HOT SEAT

NAMPA, ID — In our latest "Hot or Not" segment, we venture into the coastal winds of Huntington Beach to probe the thoughts of Gen Z about a non-traditional heartthrob. This week's contender? None other than the lion king himself, Mufasa.

HOT OR NOT: TEEN EDITION - NANCY PELOSI ON THE HOT SEAT

PASADENA, CA — In our latest segment of "Hot or Not," we roamed the streets of Pasadena to see how Gen Z feels about one of the most high-profile figures in American politics: none other than Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House herself!

HOT OR NOT: TEEN EDITION - JONAH HILL ON THE HOT SEAT

CITY OF LOST YOUTH, USA - Welcome to our newest and possibly recurring segment: "Hot or Not: Teen Edition". This week, local teen social media sensation, Billy "Boomerang" Buckets, took to the streets to gather the uncensored and often inexplicable opinions of his peers on a burning question: Is Jonah Hill hot... or not?

BRITTNEY SPEARS SWINGS BACK AFTER NBA STAR'S SECURITY MIX-UP, APOLOGETIC TEEN CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE

In an unexpected twist of events, pop icon Brittney Spears ended up swinging at a teen fan after she herself was accidentally hit by the security team of NBA #1 Draft Pick, Victor Wembenyana.

THE GODFATHER (TEEN REVIEW)

In a comedy of contradictions and teenage rebellion, 17-year-old film aficionado Jake Thompson takes on the iconic masterpiece, The Godfather, with a hilarious and unconventional perspective. Breaking free from the clutches of his stepfather's unwavering admiration, Jake delivers a comical review that boldly declares his hatred for the film purely on the basis of his stepdad's fandom.

JONAH HILL IS NOT A REAL PERSON

Astounding video evidence has revealed that Jonah Hill is not a real person.  In an indisputable four part series, the team at 420 Conspiracies, has convinced Teen News.

THREE TEENAGERS DEAD AFTER LISTENING TO INTERNET MIXTAPE

NEW BRUNSWICK, NEW JERSEY:

Three 17 year old teenagers from NJ were found dead early this morning in one of their mother's basement. Officers say their deaths were a result of a mixtape they listened to on the internet.

HBO GO CRASH: QUICK FIX

After the recent HBO Go crashes, and the resulting social media outrage of teens everywhere, the entertainment provider has opened up a line of communication to their aggrieved audience.

MACKLEMORE GAY! COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET

After teens voted a surprising 94% that Mackle should be followed by "less" instead of "more" the Grammy winning artist spoke out in the famous town of Warwick.

RARE LIFESTYLES MIXTAPE LEAKS 3 YEARS EARLY

Go mark down whatever fucking date it is on your calendar because today is the day all music has changed. RARE LIFESTYLES' mixtape, DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2017, has, in a very rare turn up of events, leaked 3 years early to mass acclaim. People all over the world are singing the praise of RARE LIFESTYLES and DO NOT LISTEN UNTIL 2017.

MILEY CYRUS NAKED PICS: LEAKED NUDES!

canada recently offered $200 for the red one

You've seen Miley Cyrus half naked, but I think we all know it's about damn time she starts using her stripper name Hannah Montana and starts acting like everyone in the state of Montana.

BEST MUSIC VIDEOS: 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2010s

Since MTV’s original debut in 1981, the television network has been the first to bring the most powerful and artistic music videos to life.

Austin Powers (left) 

2012: LOOKING BACK AT THE END OF THE WORLD

Thanks to the insanely brave efforts of John Cusack there is still a New Jersey, a United States, and yes even the world.  However, the untold story of a now 19 year old who claims to have assisted Mr. Cusack from afar reveals his story a year after the fact.

WTF HAPPENED TO THE RADIO (PART 2): WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS

Teens everywhere hate the music apocalypse that has spawned during the holiday season.  Specifically, a community outlaws certain songs and breaks down why.

FIVE REASONS HAMLET AND STAR WARS ARE THE SAME STORY

On the surface it may seem that the tragedy you were forced to read in high school and the epic film could not be more opposite. One is a Shakespearean drama, while the other is a futuristic sci-fi film. One is set in Denmark during the Late Renaissance, while the other is infamously set “a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.” But, the two may have more in common than it seems. 

WTF HAPPENED TO THE RADIO (PART 1): WORST CHRISTMAS MUSIC

Happy holidays, in day 3 of the 25 days of teen news Christmas teen news examines one of the absolute worst parts of the month of December. The fact that a few of your local top 40 stations are switching from your favorite overplayed jams to 24/7 non-stop Christmas music.  A blessing? I don't think so.

STYLE WATCH: PUBIC HAIR

It used to be a huge fashion faux pas, but guess what's back in style teens? Pubic hair! This season is all about texture and we've got the 4-1-1 that pubes are totally NBD! In fact, people everywhere are LOVING pubes cause hot moms never have bald eagles. Put simply, MILFs rule. Since this is totes a foreign concept to some of us teens, we at teen news are going to help you out. There are a few ways you could go about taming your mane... but there is only one way you should.

5 REASONS YOU SHOULD ACT MORE LIKE ALEC BALDWIN

Hollywood is a culture of hacks, posers and fuckboys like Shia Lebouf. At times, it is difficult to distinguish who is real, and who is fraudulent. Alec Baldwin is a beacon of hope in that dank, humid, coke guzzling, titty augmenting city. Here are some reasons to be more like Alec Baldwin.

SEVEN HALLOWEEN MOVIES...THAT WILL GET YOU LAID

As we approach All Hallows' Eve I think I owe it to you nerds and virgins to give you one more list of tricks and treats so hopefully you don't end up fucking a pumpkin on October 31st.   Put on a halloween costume that will get you laid and get ready for some spooky flicks that will land you some slutty chicks.