Menu

MAIL: teen writes love letter to gf babe, ilu more then weed. well, u nd weed r prolly bout equal bc i luv weed alot but still love, steve                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   SCIENCE PROJECT: "as you can see, the air flows through the water bec-" THIS IS A BONG "it's called a water pipe" GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   GROUNDED: teen punished for 2 weeks after parents discover internet history: hot girls boobs vaginas how can i tell if i'm gay? big dicks                   RAGE: teen plays Pokemon Gold *at pokecenter* *rapidly clicking A* *accidentally clicks A too much and the nurse starts talking again* NOOOO                   EASY LIVIN: teens are out of school and ready to let loose for the summer! "yo man i'm bored af" "me too"                   REBEL: teen makes breakfast for dinner "this is not an appropriate time for that!" FUCK SOCIETY *dropkicks mom* I'M MAKING FLAP JACKS                   NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   GERIATRIC: teens talk about the future "isn't it crazy that they'll play dubstep at our nursing homes?" "skrillex is our frank sinatra"                   BALLING: Teen takes girlfriend out to dinner "ight babe were gonna split the 60 pc nugget" "a milkshake? idk babe maybe next time"                   YOLO: HS teen takes it to the limit LET'S *turns hat sideways* FUCKING *puts speakers up to 80% full volume* DO THIS *drinks 2 light beers*                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   CHILLIN: teens kick it! "i'm bored" wanna like, go outside? "out ..side?" *squints eyes and stares teen down* just fuckin witchu *rips bong*                   CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"

RARE LIFESTYLES MIXTAPE LEAKS 3 YEARS EARLY

Go mark down whatever fucking date it is on your calendar because today is the day all music has changed. RARE LIFESTYLES' mixtape, DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2017, has, in a very rare turn up of events, leaked 3 years early to mass acclaim. People all over the world are singing the praise of RARE LIFESTYLES and DO NOT LISTEN UNTIL 2017.


"Probably the best mixtape since Beethoven's dropped his first EP" - Peter McGuire, Rolling Stone

"DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2017 is arguably the most important piece of media to ever grace this planet" - Melissa Fontino, Pitchfork

"Yung Jacob's production skills absolutely put me to shame" - J Dilla

Let's brake down this album, track by track, to truly understand its excellence.

OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE - yung jacob x adam krash [prod. by yung jacob]



The lead single, OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE, featuring yung jacob and adam krash is one of the most important songs of this century. A musical masterpiece that begins with tales of action and romance finishes with one of the most revolutionary lines ever spoken by a human being:

"on that pussy, i be landin/except if she's retarded, im talkin eli manning"

This track is truly literature in musical form. Cudos to you, RARE LIFESTYLES.

GALATRON™ - finch the kid x yung jacob [prod. by yung jacob]



The next track, dubbed GALATRON™, features two of this generation's most talented rappers, finch the kid and yung jacob, "spitting hot fire" on what is being heavily cited as "The World's Greatest Beat". GALATRON™ is a track for the club scene, and is quickly becoming one of the most popular songs in the world. Best line in this track? Easy:

"rare... rare... rare"

If that's not poetry then I don't know what is.

MINT - adam krash x finch the kid x hawk $$ x yung jacob [prod. by yung jacob]



Now this is what I call a fresh track! Get it?? MINT. Whatever fuck you. Anyway, this is the first track to feature all members of RARE LIFESTYLES and introduces the listener to hawk $$ (pronounced "hawk money"). Certainly the highlight of this track is the beautifully sung "bleeps" and "bloops" (performed by finch the kid) for the hook.

"Finch the Kid has the voice of hundred angels" - Lou Reed

 This track is what we in the music biz refer to as a "must listen" and is "extremely very fucking rare".

IS WHAT IT IS - adam krash [prod. by yung jacob]



The fourth track on the mixtape is a solo piece by adam krash. Largely being hailed as "The Most Moving Song of All Time Ever", IS WHAT IT IS lays down some real talk. adam trained his voice for 7 years with Colombian monks in order to attain the "robot effect" heard on the track. Make no mistakes folks, that is not auto tune. Incredible.

BLEACH - adam krash x hawk $$ x yung jacob x finch the kid [prod. by yung jacob]



The final track on DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2017 is BLEACH. Music critics all over the world hail BLEACH as "The Greatest Song About Trying to Kill Yourself Ever of All Time". It features the entire set of RARE LIFESTYLES and gives a smashing ending to this incredible mixtape.

WARNING: THIS SONG IS EXTREMELY RARE. LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK


In conclusion, DO NOT LISTEN UNTIL 2017 is one of the most revolutionary pieces music ever created by any human in the entirety of time and space. It has changed my outlook on life. It has made me a better person. You MUST LISTEN to this album.

Overall Score: 4/5