BACK TO THE FUTURE: teens confused by time capsule from the distant past "what the hell is a crazy bone" "AI gore? intense."

APPLETON, NJ - A group of unsuspecting teens at Appleton High got a one-way ticket to Confusionville when they unearthed a time capsule from the distant past.

GOLDEN GIRLS: teen discovers the not-so-wonderful world of porn "bro haven't you ever wondered what your grandma looks like naked?" "..........no?"

BUCKEYE, AZ - Puberty hits hard, and no one knows this better than 14-year-old Tucson resident, Timmy "Tech-Wiz" Watson. After stumbling upon the curious world of pornography, Tech-Wiz took a deep dive into the rabbit hole and surfaced with an existential question of a lifetime, leaving his friends and the entire community utterly flabbergasted.

TEEN INVENTS SPF 5000 SUNSCREEN, PROMISES IMMORTALITY AND NO TAN LINES

Summer is here, and along with it, the race to find that perfect sunscreen that blocks harmful UV rays yet somehow magically avoids those pesky tan lines. Well, look no further! 17-year-old prodigy, Frankie 'SunBlocker' Nguyen, claims he's invented a sunscreen so potent it offers an SPF of 5000, promises no tan lines, and as a bonus, confers immortality. Yes, you read that right.

TEEN BREAKS WORLD RECORD FOR MOST RUBBER CHICKENS ON HEAD

In an act that can only be described as truly outrageous, 16-year-old daredevil Max Johnson has captured the world's attention by breaking the Guinness World Record for balancing the highest number of rubber chickens on their head. This unbelievable feat has left audiences astounded and scratching their heads in disbelief.

TEEN UNVEILS COLLECTION OF PICKLE ART MASTERPIECES

In a world where creativity knows no bounds, 15-year-old prodigy Emma Thompson has embarked on a peculiar artistic journey, captivating audiences with her astonishing collection of pickle art masterpieces. Through her unique talent, Emma transforms ordinary cucumbers into jaw-dropping works of art that defy conventional artistic mediums.

NEW STUDY PROVES ALL DOGS ARE ATHEISTS

Esteemed scientists in the academic community have published results to a new study that drastically changes lives for teens, all dogs are atheists.

RARE LIFESTYLES MIXTAPE LEAKS 3 YEARS EARLY

Go mark down whatever fucking date it is on your calendar because today is the day all music has changed. RARE LIFESTYLES' mixtape, DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2017, has, in a very rare turn up of events, leaked 3 years early to mass acclaim. People all over the world are singing the praise of RARE LIFESTYLES and DO NOT LISTEN UNTIL 2017.

CHEAP CHRISTMAS TREE SHOPPING AND WHY

Day 4 of the teen news 25 days of Christmas, and regardless of how much hype the tree your family places in its house gets, it's still just a fucking plant.

5 GREATEST WIZARDS OF ALL TIME (AS CHOSEN BY TEENS)

If there's one thing teens love, it's stupid ass shit. This is why I've compiled this list (chosen by popular teen decision) of the greatest wizards of all time. Enjoy

6 HALLOWEEN COSTUMES THAT WILL GET YOU LAID

Countless teen hopes have come to fruition or been crushed on October 31st.  The key is to wear the right thing to make sure the babes talk to you instead of your better looking friends at this year's halloween rager.  Oh by the way, if you ladies are expecting a similar article, don't, if you wanna get laid just wear as little as possible.

GOOD PARENTING: JUST HOW MUCH DO YOUR PARENTS LOVE YOU?

Ever wonder if your parents love you? A new study, from the University of Delaware County Community College shows that Parent-to-Child love can be easily determined by the type of toothbrush you use.

THE HAUNTING: ARE GHOSTS REAL?

A young teen has recently reported "paranormal activity" in his home after noticing some bizarre things.  A socially inept teen, Roger, tried seeking the advice of his friends, but the few (one) he had simply pointed and laughed at him.

4 COMMON HOMEWORK EXCUSES

Teens hate doing homework and will say almost anything to get out of it.  The only problem is that sometimes the excuse is legitimate.  We interviewed a high school teacher to find out the four most common excuses for teens not doing their homework.  We also asked him whether or not these excuses were acceptable and the logic behind that decision making process.

MISSING LOCAL TEEN: CURIOUS CASE OF FRED CHUBB

19 year old Fred Chubb recently decided to make a twitter account which currently marks the last time he's been seen in any form since he's been reported missing.