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FRESH: teen learns the true power of swag *stomps into the club wearing light up sneakers* "sup bitches" *gets dick sucked to death*                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*                   HIGH SCHOOL: teens talk music "you hear the new earl sweatpants album?" heck yes! GOLF GANG!! "damn, we're so #swag"                   BALLING: Teen takes girlfriend out to dinner "ight babe were gonna split the 60 pc nugget" "a milkshake? idk babe maybe next time"                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   KRUNK: high school freshmen plan a house party "we've got 16 beers. you think that'll be enough?" "yeah def" "dude this is gunna be EPIC"                   PREP: teen frat star walks halls decked out in all Polo *sees black person wearing ecko* *hides* *whispers to himself* "help me mitt romney"                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   GROUNDED: teen punished for 2 weeks after parents discover internet history: hot girls boobs vaginas how can i tell if i'm gay? big dicks                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   BADASS: teen smokes for first time "yeah i found this blunt in my moms ash tray" *lights cig* *coughs* "that good kush and alcohol son!"                   POOETRY: Teen fed up w/ eng class "do u love rap music? then class you'll love Edgar Allen Poe" "MORE LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POOP" "grow up steve"                   GROUNDED: teen punished for 2 weeks after parents discover internet history: hot girls boobs vaginas how can i tell if i'm gay? big dicks                   POLNO: Frat teen asks bros if a "black polo and flops" is an alright outfit for his grandmas funeral "dude u gotta at least wear sperrys"                   BUD: teen regrets getting high on marijuana before school "why are your eyes red?" "umm, i was riding my bike with the windows open" "what?"                   SMACKED: teen nerd gets beat up by own father "sorry son, but you wore a naruto headband to dinner" "that shit just won't fly in my house"                   WONDERWALL: : teen learns guitar to pick up girls *strums a single G chord* "i'm gunna get so fucking laid"

NEW STUDY PROVES ALL DOGS ARE ATHEISTS


Esteemed scientists in the academic community have published results to a new study that drastically changes lives for teens, all dogs are atheists.

"Have you ever seen a dog go to church?" Harvard professor James Seltzer asks teens.  "Of course not, so that leaves two options, dogs are either atheists or satanists."  Scientists quickly narrowed it down to atheists after no one in the world reported seeing a canine summoning the dark lord.

some dogs are more atheist than others

So what does this mean for teens? Dr. Mikeal Franz, a world renowned dog teen relationship expert had some words, "Not all dogs go to heaven.  In fact, no dogs go to heaven.  Heaven is dogless.  Dog is God backwards, perfectly representing how the kingdom of paradise is the opposite of what dogs go to when they die."

A sad, sad day for teens.