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SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   RIPPED: teens claim to have smoked that celebrity kush "i'm emma stoned" "i'm baked shelton" "i can't think of one...but i'm high af"                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   MAIL: teen writes love letter to gf babe, ilu more then weed. well, u nd weed r prolly bout equal bc i luv weed alot but still love, steve                   BALLER: teens discuss their plans while shooting hoops "what are you doing tonight?" *shoots* "nothing but-" *swishes* "netflix"                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   LEGIT: teen gets real "i'm all about three things: pussy, weed, and kill streaks" *rips bong and plays black ops* "...the pussy can wait"                   POT: teen claims to be experiencing marijuana withdrawal "the room...it's so cold" bro u smoked for the first time yesterday "U DONT KNO ME"                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   BUD: teen regrets getting high on marijuana before school "why are your eyes red?" "umm, i was riding my bike with the windows open" "what?"                   BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   ROMANCE: teens go on a date to see Monsters University *girl tries to make out with guy* "BITCH SWERVE I'M TRYNA RELIVE MY CHILDHOOD"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   STYLE: teen wears new scarf to school "what's that bro? a cum rag?" "nah, it's a pussy eating bib" *walks into girl's locker room*                   WAKE & BAKE: teen wakes up early to prepare for his school's bake sale "this has absolutely nothing to do with weed" "sorry to disappoint"

MISSING LOCAL TEEN: CURIOUS CASE OF FRED CHUBB

19 year old Fred Chubb recently decided to make a twitter account which currently marks the last time he's been seen in any form since he's been reported missing.

A friend of Chubb's commented on the teen's appreciation for marijuana.
"He smoked hella blunts."
"I've seen him ripped harder than a beyblade."

 Is the weed laced with another drug? Is Fred in danger? Maybe that "sticky icky" is just more dangerous than the government leads you to believe.  A lot of people in today's society feel as though smoking pot is a victimless crime, even president Barack Obama has weighed in.
"Weed is chill and as the commander and...quit chiefin the blunt Biden."

Something changed over the short course of two minutes to cause this dramatic shift in character.  A panel of experts consulted from trippyshit.com said there was approximately a "20 to 90% chance" that Fred was legitimately under the influence of a hallucinogenic and not just marijuana.
"We legitimately have no idea, we just get high and post trippy shit on our website."

 Here it is, the last thing this missing teen ever "said".  Local authorities released a statement.
"We don't have much faith that Mr. Chubb is still alive, but if he's out there-"
*takes a bite of a doughnut*
"We'll do our absolute best to find him and punish him to the fullest extent of the law for violating the great state of north dakota's illegal substance policy."

If you have ANY relevant information on the disappearance of 19 year old Fred Chubb please send it to the teen news tipline at teennews69@gmail.com so that we can give it to the proper authorities.