5) Miami, Florida
Even before LeBron James, teens loved taking their talents to South Beach. By talents I mean their general desire to “get their d’s wet” and “spit game on nines and tens”. Why wouldn’t teens want to be in a city with slamming babes wearing next to nothing on the reg? It takes about a month for the average teen to realize they’re getting “no play”, which prevents Miami from being higher on this list.
“how was miami bro?”
“sweet, i banged so many hot bitches.”
“really?”
*long pause* “no”
“sweet, i banged so many hot bitches.”
“really?”
*long pause* “no”
4) Mexico City, Mexico
It’s a fact: teens love getting drunk. Where’s the #1 place drunk teens travel to? Taco Bell. There’s nothing better than ground beef combined with cheese on a tortilla to divide the fun times and the hangover. So why wouldn’t teens want to be in the taco capital of the world? In Mexico City the pros outweigh the cons; as long as teens stick to Gatorade instead of dabbling in the “sus Mexican water” it’s muy bueno.
“I’M FUCKED UP. LET’S GO TO TACO BELL”
“we went there last night, let’s drunk drive 20 hours to Mexico City”
“THAT’S THE STRAIGHT UP OPPOSITE OF GAY”
“we went there last night, let’s drunk drive 20 hours to Mexico City”
“THAT’S THE STRAIGHT UP OPPOSITE OF GAY”
3) Portland, Oregon
Teens are at the forefront of culture. There’s nothing teens like doing more than following the latest trends. Hipsters love kicking back, “enjoying” Pabst Blue Ribbon, and blasting music that “is so bad it’s good”. For a state most famous for being a setting in the Oregon Trail game there’s absolutely nothing 1800s about Portland. Young people can thrift while talking shit on Macklemore and anything resembling popular music in this teen friendly city.
“do these clothes look good?”
“not at all”
“i’m totally buying them then”
“that’s so portland”
“not at all”
“i’m totally buying them then”
“that’s so portland”
2) Whiterun, Skyrim
This city has one of the easiest layouts to navigate. With Belethor’s General Goods down the street it’s no hassle to sell as much loot as he can afford, wait, kill him, reload the autosave, and repeat. Whiterun is not without its “boners” though. The whole Gray-Mane v. Battle-Born beef is pretty lame, and Farengar sucks “the most dicks in all of Tamriel”.
"you play Skyrim? that’s gay”
1) Denver, Colorado
Why is Denver the #1 city for teens? The Colorado Marijuana Legalization Initiative, Amendment 64. In Denver it’s literally 4/20 every day.
“what’s today’s date?”
“you’re in denver sir, it’s 4/20”
“i’m baked af”
