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PRUDE: teen admits he has never kissed a girl "dude how? you're 18" "cause i only kiss women...like YOUR MOM" "YOU GOT ME AGAIN BRO!" *bro5*                   HARDCORE: teens in egage in a drug deal at school "you got the moll?" yea *hands him 2 flintstones vitamins for $40* enjoy my nigga                   BUSTED: teens get pulled over on the highway "is there any marijuana in the vehicle?" "lol of course dude it's the HIGHway" "have fun kids"                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   SWAGGER: teen gets ready for saturday night yeah this snapback yolo combo will for sure get me laid *chugs diet pepsi* TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   BOSS: teen gets his homework checked "ya i didn't do it" "you don't have an excuse?" "EXCUSE me but how bout you get the FUCK outta my face"                   SWAGGER: teen gets ready for saturday night yeah this snapback yolo combo will for sure get me laid *chugs diet pepsi* TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?                   CRITIC: teen isn't too thrilled with his movie experience "more like the DECENT gatsby, 3/5 stars" "there weren't even tits"                   WHITE GIRL: teen asked what 5 things she would bring to a deserted island 1. uggs 2. iPhone 3. iPhone charger 4. starbucks giftcard 5. my bf                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   PREP: teen frat star walks halls decked out in all Polo *sees black person wearing ecko* *hides* *whispers to himself* "help me mitt romney"                   FML: a white teen was seen crying at starbucks this morning after they got her order wrong "here is your mocha frappe" "YOU'RE*"                   WHITE GIRL: teen asked what 5 things she would bring to a deserted island 1. uggs 2. iPhone 3. iPhone charger 4. starbucks giftcard 5. my bf                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*                   TEXTING: teens talk girls "dude she just texted me hey" ..so? "WITH TWO Y'S" *high fives so hard they break the fucking sound barrier*                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"

5 GREATEST WIZARDS OF ALL TIME (AS CHOSEN BY TEENS)

If there's one thing teens love, it's stupid ass shit. This is why I've compiled this list (chosen by popular teen decision) of the greatest wizards of all time. Enjoy


5. Ron Weasley


Coming in at number five, we have Ron Weasley. His biggest accomplishments include being friends with Harry Potter and banging Emma Watson. Emma must have had a little too much butter beer to agree to sex with Ron, but good for him anyway. Also, he's good at magic, I guess

4. Emma Watson


At number four we have Emma Watson. She very well could have come in first, being one of the most powerful wizards in all of wherever the Harry Potter books take place. Unfortunately, she cut her hair, which as we all know reduces your magical abilities by 70%. I think that's true. Regardless, she's nowhere near as cute as she used to be. I'd still hit it tho. For sure

3. Harry Potter's Dad


Quick trivia: what part of a wizard's body harnesses the most magical powers? No, not the nipples! It's the mustache! And who has a better mustache than Harry Potter's dad? No one, that's who. I mean look at that man. He has magic dripping out the wazoo... THE WAZOO

2. Harry Potter


What's that? You look surprised. Yes, Harry Potter is not at number one, but number two is pretty damn good! First off, he has like a buncha books written about him. I never had to read those books though because I was there for the actual events, so let me tell you something. This mother fucker knows magic. Remember when he buried himself alive in cement? That shit was cray cray. This guy practically invented magic. Before him it was all bunnies in hats and gay shit like that. But of course, his powers can only be topped by the person at number one on our list...

1. Lord Voldemort


Ah yes, we have reached the end of our list, and who would be more fitting than the Dark Lord himself? His hobbies include sippin on unicorn blood, killing mudbloods, and going out for sushi. With magical powers that surpass even that of ole' Harry, Voldemort truly is not a wizard you want to fuck with. Many people will tell you that he is dead, but true believers know he is in hiding, waiting for the perfect opportunity to come back and raise some hell. Here's to you Lord Voldermort, you crazy bastard! Keep on wizzin' in the free world!