Menu

ICEBREAKER: teen screws up a classic pick-up line "so babe you ever weigh a polar bear" "what?" *breaks ice on girl's head* "wanna make out"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.                   JOURNALISM: Teen girl claimed she was "literally dying" after reading a text from her friend. Sources indicate she is in fact, not dying.                   RAP GAME: teen claims to have "2nd degree murdered" the track after rhyming "zimmerman" with "swimmer tan" however a florida jury disagreed                   SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   JOURNALISM: Teen girl claimed she was "literally dying" after reading a text from her friend. Sources indicate she is in fact, not dying.                   POLNO: Frat teen asks bros if a "black polo and flops" is an alright outfit for his grandmas funeral "dude u gotta at least wear sperrys"                   DRUGSTEP: christian parents worried about teenage son "have you been smoking dubstep?" "mom what??" "DON'T LIE TO ME WHERE'S THE SKRILLEX"                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   FISH ARE FRIENDS: a white girl posts a facebook status Becky: i'm FINna watch some shark week! Hannah: omg so creative! Becky: love uuuuuuu                   SUPER SMASH BROTHAS: teen claims Nintendo is racist "there's no black people in super smash" well, there IS donkey ko- *gets ass beat hard*                   FADEAD: teens try drugs for the first time "dude i smoked like eleven beers" one teen claims "i drank like 2 weeds and drove" one teen dead                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   FISH ARE FRIENDS: a white girl posts a facebook status Becky: i'm FINna watch some shark week! Hannah: omg so creative! Becky: love uuuuuuu                   LIQUOR: teen girls celebrate wasted wednesday *shot #1* turn up! *shot #2* my bf is a totals dickk *shot #3* *pukes all over the floor*                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   WORK: teen seeks job "it says here u defeated the elite 4 on ur 1st try" yes sir "congrats, u got the job. ur starting salary is $1,000,000"

5 GREATEST WIZARDS OF ALL TIME (AS CHOSEN BY TEENS)

If there's one thing teens love, it's stupid ass shit. This is why I've compiled this list (chosen by popular teen decision) of the greatest wizards of all time. Enjoy


5. Ron Weasley


Coming in at number five, we have Ron Weasley. His biggest accomplishments include being friends with Harry Potter and banging Emma Watson. Emma must have had a little too much butter beer to agree to sex with Ron, but good for him anyway. Also, he's good at magic, I guess

4. Emma Watson


At number four we have Emma Watson. She very well could have come in first, being one of the most powerful wizards in all of wherever the Harry Potter books take place. Unfortunately, she cut her hair, which as we all know reduces your magical abilities by 70%. I think that's true. Regardless, she's nowhere near as cute as she used to be. I'd still hit it tho. For sure

3. Harry Potter's Dad


Quick trivia: what part of a wizard's body harnesses the most magical powers? No, not the nipples! It's the mustache! And who has a better mustache than Harry Potter's dad? No one, that's who. I mean look at that man. He has magic dripping out the wazoo... THE WAZOO

2. Harry Potter


What's that? You look surprised. Yes, Harry Potter is not at number one, but number two is pretty damn good! First off, he has like a buncha books written about him. I never had to read those books though because I was there for the actual events, so let me tell you something. This mother fucker knows magic. Remember when he buried himself alive in cement? That shit was cray cray. This guy practically invented magic. Before him it was all bunnies in hats and gay shit like that. But of course, his powers can only be topped by the person at number one on our list...

1. Lord Voldemort


Ah yes, we have reached the end of our list, and who would be more fitting than the Dark Lord himself? His hobbies include sippin on unicorn blood, killing mudbloods, and going out for sushi. With magical powers that surpass even that of ole' Harry, Voldemort truly is not a wizard you want to fuck with. Many people will tell you that he is dead, but true believers know he is in hiding, waiting for the perfect opportunity to come back and raise some hell. Here's to you Lord Voldermort, you crazy bastard! Keep on wizzin' in the free world!