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ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   RAGE: teen plays Pokemon Gold *at pokecenter* *rapidly clicking A* *accidentally clicks A too much and the nurse starts talking again* NOOOO                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   HEALTH: teens converse while smoking cigs "can cell phones really give you cancer?" "i hope not" *takes drag* "i'd hate to get cancer"                   WHITE GIRL: teen asked what 5 things she would bring to a deserted island 1. uggs 2. iPhone 3. iPhone charger 4. starbucks giftcard 5. my bf                   NOSTALGIA: HS sophomores reminisce about simpler times "remember the 90's?" "not at all"                   CIGS: teen takes up smoking to appear cooler to his peers "have you taken up smoking?" "yes, i have" "you appear cooler to me now"                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   BARGAIN: teen buys weed for the first time *hands dealer $20* *gets handed bag of chopped leaves* *smells bag* "woah this is some dank kush"                   iOSHEAVEN: Teens marvel in Apple's latest conquest "iOS 7 is better than being alive" "now i can die happy" "i feel steve jobs inside me"                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   SHY: teen refuses to get naked in front of her bf b/c she's "too fat" sources indicate bf "doesn't care" & "just wants to see some titties"                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   STRUDEL'D: Teens get physical after toaster strudel incident "BRO DID YOU USE TWO PACKETS OF ICING" "yea?" "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   WOAH: teen finds out the secret to girls "it's all about politeness" *pulls out seat* "you look lovely" *ripsticks directly into her vagina*                   YUM: teen wins Nobel Peace Prize eating at Olive Garden "the breadsticks are unlimited, correct?" yes sir "perfect" *solves world hunger*                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"                   PREP: teen frat star walks halls decked out in all Polo *sees black person wearing ecko* *hides* *whispers to himself* "help me mitt romney"

SEVEN SEXIEST SCHOOL PORTRAITS

If you wanna get laid by the end of high school your best bet is to take a super-sexy school photo. The yearbook is basically like playboy magazine for bitches, they'll be looking at that shit all summer as they sip their starbucks iced lattes. Make a good impression of yourself to them via your school portrait and you'll be swimming in a pool of vagina by the time classes start up again in september. I compiled a list of class photos you should attempt to replicate in your journey to losing that virginity...Your welcome





#1.

HOT DAMN!!! Can someone say 'mutha-fuckin badass!!!' Not only is this bro rocking the mowhawk (most yolo haircut of all time) but he's got that "baby, lemme lick your inner thigh" look in his eyes. I have no doubt in my mind this dude gets all the bitches. 

#2.

Ever hear of suprise buttsex?? Well this kid knows all about it...just look at him! Probably only 13 years old and he's already a master of the "anal" position (I hear its a lot like regular sex but way more chill).

#3.

Oh baby, this ginger should apply to be a model for tobasco sauce CUZ HE IS HOT!!! Like for real, gaze into his deep blue eyes and let his strange lack of chin(s) massage you to sleep as you nibble on his sexy elephant sized ears. His face is truly a gift from god himself. 

#4.

What do bitches love more than starbucks, uggs and money combined?? It's not a big dick and no it's not a "nice personality"...it's a swagged out haircut complimented with a beautiful smile, which is exactly what this kid is rocking! He's probably the star of the football team at school...alpha af. 

#5.

Can someone say throwback thursday?? I found this middleschool photo of none other than Hillary Clinton and DAYYYYM GURRRL. YOU LOOKIN SEXiii. Those big ol' glasses match her big ol' heart, and thats why we love you Hilldawg. 

#6. 

Only four letters can properly describe this: Y-O-L-O. Not only is this teen badass enough to take his school photo in the bathroom but he's also smoking on a newport (which, if you know anything about weed, is the DEFINITION of that good kush and alcohol). 

#7. 

Yes I saved the best for last...what we have pictured is the epitome of alpha. This teen has so much swag he invited his dad to join him in the school portrait taking process, letting all the bitches know "if you wanna have sex with me, than you gotta bang my daddy first." A privilege for any self-respecting woman indeed.