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TRUTH: cop teaches class on drug awareness "honestly guys... pot isn't bad for you" *class gives standing ovation* *cop starts breakdancing*                   YUNG LOVE: teen receives a text from his gf "i miss u" "i literally just left your house" "k" *throws phone at wall*                   PUTT PUTT: teen has trouble on his first date w/ female "she beat me in mini golf" that's rough, what did you do? "i left her there" nice                   TRAGEDY: local teen legitimately "dies from boredom" "he forgot to bring his iphone with him in the bathroom" "sad day for teens everywhere"                   COOL AF: teen isn't comfortable with temperature in his room A/C to 68° "too cold" A/C to 70° "too hot" A/C to 69° *uncontrollable laughter*                   FADEAD: teens try drugs for the first time "dude i smoked like eleven beers" one teen claims "i drank like 2 weeds and drove" one teen dead                   QUEERS OF WAR: teens argue over Xbox Live "suck my dick!" "no you suck my dick, bitch!" *teens exchange numbers and suck each other's dicks*                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   SMOOTH: teen uses a classic pickup line "you like marijuana?" ummm, yeah! "marijuwanna suck my dick?" *gets laid so hard*                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   WOW: teen forcibly removed from house by father after he claimed to "not like Justin Timberlake" "YOU WILL RESPECT JT'S TALENT IN THIS HOME"                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   OBAMA CARES: teens have no idea "the government is gonna shut down!?" "yea something about a tea party" "wow politics is so gay"                   DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"

UNDER THE PANTS HANDJOBS ARE THE BEST HANDJOBS

The results are in, under the pants handjobs narrowly beat over the pants handjobs.  Teens are questioning whether or not they actually would like a girl to touch their penis.  Why was this even close? Teen news investigates.


Honestly, I'm just going to assume that anyone who voted over the pants was either A) female B) someone who has never gotten a handjob or C) someone making an attempt to fuck with us.  This is a legitimate news corporation for teenagers so would you clowns STOP FUCKING AROUND.

CLOSEST POLL OF ALL TIME

Better luck next time feminists, for now the pants still have to come off.