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JOURNALISM: Teen girl claimed she was "literally dying" after reading a text from her friend. Sources indicate she is in fact, not dying.                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds                   HEART BREAKING: young teen overdoses on marijuana earlier today. Witnesses claim his last words were "dude" and "duuuudddeeee"                   MUGSHOT: arrested teen makes an odd request while being processed "can you please sepia filter this shot" "also can you hashtag it badass?"                   TRIPPY: teens drop acid for the first time "grasshoppers are the dubstep of nature" "holy shit bro that's so deep" "i'm a young socrates"                   DIESEL: teen gets pulled over "officer, i know i was speeding i was just really mad" *officer lowers shades* "so you were FAST and FURIOUS?"                   WHIP GAME: teens hit the go kart track "mushrooms and racing was a great idea" "i feel like mario" "haha steve is just staring at the wheel"                   HIGH SCHOOL: teens talk music "you hear the new earl sweatpants album?" heck yes! GOLF GANG!! "damn, we're so #swag"                   420: "son, can you look up how many grams are in an ounce?" "oh, it's 28" "why do you know that?" "because i love... the metric system" "oh"                   CHAT: teens talk on AIM™ Sk8rBoy - did she blow u? Dude86 - yea, but she sucked dick at it Sk8rBoy - is that good or bad? Dude86 - lmao dude                   RAP GAME: teen claims to have "2nd degree murdered" the track after rhyming "zimmerman" with "swimmer tan" however a florida jury disagreed                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   FILIBUSTED: student government faces a shut down "our spring fling should be 70s themed" "80s OR NOTHING" presently no agreement is in sight                   RAP GAME: teen claims to have "2nd degree murdered" the track after rhyming "zimmerman" with "swimmer tan" however a florida jury disagreed                   HEART BREAKING: young teen overdoses on marijuana earlier today. Witnesses claim his last words were "dude" and "duuuudddeeee"                   SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.

FOUR BAKED GOODS TO BAKE WHILE BAKED

Teen news examines the four best baked goods to bake while you are baked.

Cookies



What’s that smell coming from the kitchen? Well, pot smoke, but what’s that other smell?? Cookies!!

“Dough not mess with me bro, I know what I’m doing” you say to your friend, adding a single chocolate chip in the center of each cookie.

“Wow! They taste great AND look like tits!”

Don’t forget to add a pinch of weed in there for flavor.


Muffins

“Do you know the muffin man?”

“You mean Todd?”

“The muffin man. Who lives on Drury lane?”

“Dude, that’s Todd. He got high as fuck and made like four thousand muffins with Cheetos and Pokemon cards in them.”


Brownies

                                 

What’s square and brown and all around town? Campaign signs for local congressional candidate Chris Lieberman, but you’re stoned so they just look like huge brownies.

“Dude, we should make some brownies and like, put weed in em!”

Call up your dealer, Pete “Dogshit” Williams and bake some pot into these chocolate treats for an experience that will have you saying “I’m thinking Arby’s”!


Cake

                                   

Wanna feel just like your favorite rapper? Adjust your snapback and preheat the oven to 450◦, you’ll give Jay-Z a run for his money with all the god damn cake you’re about to make.

Rihanna gave great advice in her song about cakes, “If you want it, put your name on it”—preferably with some ground up ganja. Put your name on every cake you bake so that no one eats it while you’re packing another bowl. Also, don’t forget to lick the bowl when you’re done (that gets you super high).