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OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   WOAH: teen finds out the secret to girls "it's all about politeness" *pulls out seat* "you look lovely" *ripsticks directly into her vagina*                   HIGH: teens smoke while their parents are out "WAIT get the dog outta here. he'll tell my mom" *stares at dog for 30 seconds* "you're right"                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   RAGER: dozens of teens flock to the local river after hearing reports that the water is "raging" "turn up!" *drowns in river*                   FML: a white teen was seen crying at starbucks this morning after they got her order wrong "here is your mocha frappe" "YOU'RE*"                   FISH ARE FRIENDS: a white girl posts a facebook status Becky: i'm FINna watch some shark week! Hannah: omg so creative! Becky: love uuuuuuu                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*                   FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   WHIP GAME: teens hit the go kart track "mushrooms and racing was a great idea" "i feel like mario" "haha steve is just staring at the wheel"                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   <3: teens go out to a romantic dinner "can we have a bottle of your finest sizzurp" *mariachi dubstep band* "babe will you turn up with me?"                   SENSUAL: teen sets up for a perfect date "candle lit dinner, bottle of red wine, and a copy of spy kids on blu ray" *gets 100 blowjobs*                   FAMILY DINNER: "mom what are we eating?" "we're having pasta" *mom puts on dubstep* "with a side of TURNIP" *everyone goes fucking nuts*                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   VIDEO GAMES: teen gets upset while playing Halo "why's this homo called master chef he never even cooks" "it's chief" "he's not even indian"                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   STUDY: teen crams for exam PREPARE THE LUBE MOTHER *jams textbook into anus* i guess you can say ill be pulling the answers...OUT OF MY ASS

5 EASY SKATEBOARD TRICKS TO IMPRESS BASIC BITCHES

It’s every girls dream to hook up with a sweaty skater bra, none of that gay ass longboard shit. Take note of this list if you want to finally lose your virginity while getting mad street cred along the way.


5. The Ollie

“OMG did the board just go...in the AIR?!?”
Some skaters say the ollie is the foreground for any skateboard trick ever, others dedicate their entire skate careers to perfecting this incredibly rad trick. Regardless, after poppin’ a couple of these you’ll be sure to be poppin’ cherries all over town.



*ollies right into threeway*


4. The 180

 Shieeet son you barely need to ollie to nail this one. Its called the 180 because after having this trick in your arsenal all the bitches that curved you previously will be turnin’ 180 degrees just to come and suck on your dick.
some geometry may be involved
3. The Pop-Shuv

 Holy shit bro you are moving up. This trick is a sure fire way to get the 4th grade scooter kids out of your way while ensuring to fuck their moms at pick up time (around 4:30, 5-oclock tops)

straight bolts son



2. No-Comply

“Are your feet liek supposed to touch the...ground?” YEAH BITCH WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SKATEBOARDING? This trick looks extremely difficult and complicated, but in all actuality...it isn’t. The ladies won’t be able to comprehend your swag after learning this killer move.
virtual reality

 1. Kickflip
You’re in the big leagues now kid. If you don’t already know this one involves the board doing a damn corkscrew under your feet. If you don’t think that’s the gnarliest shit you ever seen then get the fuck out of my face.  You’ll be kickfliping all the way to the abortion clinic after the honeys catch a glimpse of you even attempting this trick.


this grandpa is getting wayy more pussy than you