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NO HOMO: local 6th grader claims he would "suck dick for some lunchables" He further stated that he doesn't know what "suck dick" means                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher "can i use the bathroom?" "i don't know, CAN you?" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*                   CHILLIN: teens kick it! "i'm bored" wanna like, go outside? "out ..side?" *squints eyes and stares teen down* just fuckin witchu *rips bong*                   BAZINGA: teen breaks up with girlfriend for complicated reasons "she liked the big bang theory" "i just couldn't respect her as a person"                   FUN: teens prepare for Halloween "okay. i'm mario, jeff's luigi, mark's wario, and steve.. ur waluigi" why am i waluigi? "BC NO ONE LIKES U"                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   COOL AF: teen isn't comfortable with temperature in his room A/C to 68° "too cold" A/C to 70° "too hot" A/C to 69° *uncontrollable laughter*                   KILLER KUSH: teens get high "bro i think i'm dead" "ur just freaking out" "i'm srs" *turns into ghost* "damn, that kush was dank" *hi fives*                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   RADICAL: "hip dad" interacts with teenage children "sup kids? you guys feeling YOLO today?" dad no "this dinner sure is MAJOR SWAG" DAD WHY                   LEGIT: teen gets real "i'm all about three things: pussy, weed, and kill streaks" *rips bong and plays black ops* "...the pussy can wait"                   FUN: college teens live it up "i thought tonight we'd go classy, so i bought the $18 vodka instead of the $12 one" "WE'LL DRINK LIKE KINGS"                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   FUN: teens prepare for Halloween "okay. i'm mario, jeff's luigi, mark's wario, and steve.. ur waluigi" why am i waluigi? "BC NO ONE LIKES U"                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   REBEL: teen makes breakfast for dinner "this is not an appropriate time for that!" FUCK SOCIETY *dropkicks mom* I'M MAKING FLAP JACKS                   FLAMER: teen boy's house burns down due to his scented candle collection. Firefighters comment "it's the gayest tradegy i've seen in years"

FIVE TIPS FOR GETTING LAID (A DUDES PERSPECTIVE)

Tired of watching all your friends hook up with girls, while you just sit at the party alone with a beer in your hand? Then pay attention because this list contains five approaches you should implement in your quest to lose that virginity. Follow them and go from beta basement dweller to alpha pussy getter. 




1. The best game is no game.
At a glance this might not make sense, The best game is no game? How can you be spitting game without spitting game at all? This falls under the “women love assholes” principle. One must step back and understand what they mean by that. They don’t love “assholes.” What they mean by this is that they hate when men try too hard. It is extremely unattractive to women when men are constantly persistent on their hunt. When you try too hard, this conveys to the woman that you have zero prospects. If you have zero prospects, you are not desired. Women love men who are desired so even if you are focusing on only woman, make it seem she is nothing special, until you are officially dating her.

2. Never spread yourself too “thin.”
The Roman Empire was arguably one of the most prominent World Powers. They systematically almost managed and controlled all of Europe. Almost. Their inevitable takeover of all of Europe, was encumbered by their ambition. They spread their army too thin. This idea is applicable to your sex life. If you are spitting game to 20 women at the same time, it is impossible to equally distribute the amount of charm necessary to close the deal. While it is important to remember “the best game is no game,” one must not lose sight of the goal at hand. You should only be spitting game to ten women at most.

3. The “five second rule.”
Saying “hi” is quite possibly the most important, yet challenging aspect of getting laid. This piece of advice is to light a fire under your ass. At a bar when you see a woman you want to bring home, allow yourself only five seconds to approach the woman. This works at all venues, whether it is a party, a bar or a concert. Give yourself five seconds. This rule is win-win. If you succeed; you have your foot in the door. If you exceed your five seconds, you can move on and you aren’t wasting hours on the decision whether to say “hi,” or not. Onto the next one my dude.

4. Weed out the prudes.
This rule is simple. When getting laid you have to weed out the prude ones early. You can spend months chasing a sexy broad just to find out she gave a hand job once to her ex-boyfriend of 2 years.

5. Numbers numbers numbers!
You bang 0% of the girls you don’t hit on. Always keep your options open, but never too open (refer to rule number 2).