APPLETON, NJ - A group of unsuspecting teens at Appleton High got a one-way ticket to Confusionville when they unearthed a time capsule from the distant past.
The students were initially excited to delve into the past. Who wouldn't want to unveil long-forgotten treasures, potentially filled with ancient wisdom or valuable antiques? But as each relic made its appearance, the excitement was replaced with profound befuddlement.
First, the Crazy Bones. For those not in the know (which apparently includes anyone under 20), Crazy Bones were popular collectible figurines back in the 90s. To the teens' horror, they discovered that these oddly shaped pieces of plastic were a precursor to their beloved NFTs.
Then came the Al Gore campaign sticker, which left students scrambling to their smartphones for a quick Google search. Turns out, Al Gore is not just a character from a long-forgotten episode of South Park but was once a presidential hopeful.
"Whoa, so this Al Gore guy wasn't always a meme?" asked a shocked Bobby 'Backwards Baseball Cap' Smith, who up until now only knew Gore as the punchline to a running joke about 'ManBearPig.' "Dude, my whole life is a lie."
Faced with these incomprehensible relics of yesteryear, the teens began to understand that the past was a different country, a place where people collected plastic figurines and actually cared about politics. A place where the internet was still in its infancy, and not every waking moment was documented on social media.
As Appleton High continues to reel from the shock, the school's history teacher, Ms. Gretchen Elderly, sees it as a teachable moment: "Maybe now these kids will understand that history is not just some boring subject. It's a chronicle of all the crazy bones and Al Gores of the world."
One thing's for sure, Appleton High - the past is a weird, weird place. Buckle up for the ride.
