Menu

DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   MUGSHOT: arrested teen makes an odd request while being processed "can you please sepia filter this shot" "also can you hashtag it badass?"                   YOLO: HS teen takes it to the limit LET'S *turns hat sideways* FUCKING *puts speakers up to 80% full volume* DO THIS *drinks 2 light beers*                   HIGH: teens smoke while their parents are out "WAIT get the dog outta here. he'll tell my mom" *stares at dog for 30 seconds* "you're right"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   WONDERWALL: : teen learns guitar to pick up girls *strums a single G chord* "i'm gunna get so fucking laid"                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*                   FAMILY DINNER: "mom what are we eating?" "we're having pasta" *mom puts on dubstep* "with a side of TURNIP" *everyone goes fucking nuts*                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   TRAGEDY: local teen legitimately "dies from boredom" "he forgot to bring his iphone with him in the bathroom" "sad day for teens everywhere"                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*                   FILIBUSTED: student government faces a shut down "our spring fling should be 70s themed" "80s OR NOTHING" presently no agreement is in sight                   POLNO: Frat teen asks bros if a "black polo and flops" is an alright outfit for his grandmas funeral "dude u gotta at least wear sperrys"                   ORATORY SKILLS: teen uses a classic tactic of rhetoric in a debate with his peer "you're gay" "no, YOU'RE gay" *teen stands in shock*                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   MAIL: teen writes love letter to gf babe, ilu more then weed. well, u nd weed r prolly bout equal bc i luv weed alot but still love, steve                   FADEAD: teens try drugs for the first time "dude i smoked like eleven beers" one teen claims "i drank like 2 weeds and drove" one teen dead

CHEAP CHRISTMAS TREE SHOPPING AND WHY


Day 4 of the teen news 25 days of Christmas, and regardless of how much hype the tree your family places in its house gets, it's still just a fucking plant.





Congratulations! You've been hanging things on an evergreen conifer all of your life! Whether it's a spruce, a pine, or a fir, it's still a plant.  Why is that a problem? Here are the worst things about plants.

THEY GET ENERGY FROM THE SUN











Photosynthesis? More like photosyntheSUS, because it is hella suspect.  You'd never see a tree out to dinner with its family, or waiting in the drive-thru line at McDonalds.  There's a reason why trees are called "shady", because they are the definition of sketch.  How can I trust something that I can't even take out to Olive Garden?

THEIR FAVORITE DRINK IS WATER













Wow, plants don't even drink Gatorade.  They don't even know the joys of the Pumpkin Spice Latte or the Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino.  WHAT KIND OF TERRIBLE THING HAS NEVER CRUSHED SOME NATTY ICES WITH ITS BROS!

THEY CAN'T EVEN TALK

25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas
"hey plant what up"

*silence*

"i'm talking to you plant"

*silence*

*beats the shit out of the plant*