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MUSIC: 8th grader brings his recorder to school "wtf are u doing" "serenading yung pussy" *plays harmonious tune* *swan dives into clitoris*                   ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   FISH ARE FRIENDS: a white girl posts a facebook status Becky: i'm FINna watch some shark week! Hannah: omg so creative! Becky: love uuuuuuu                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   MUSIC: h/s senior receives detention after arguing with his teacher "i said lil b is better than elton john" "i guess mr. ross isn't based"                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   HARDCORE: teens in egage in a drug deal at school "you got the moll?" yea *hands him 2 flintstones vitamins for $40* enjoy my nigga                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   SCIENTIFIC: teen "experiments" with homosexuality *analyzes litmus paper* "just as i hypothesized.." *writes down data* "i'm gay"                   OUCH: Teen 'eats shit' while attempting to longboard to class "ive been practicing all summer!" "fuck i ripped my favorite plaid shorts"                   BARGAIN: teen buys weed for the first time *hands dealer $20* *gets handed bag of chopped leaves* *smells bag* "woah this is some dank kush"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   TWITTER: teen faces crucial decision "i wanna rewrite my typo'd tweet but it already got three favs" "MY LIFE IS PAIN" *jumps off bridge*                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   STONED: teen takes his first ever "bong hit" "make sure you drink the bong water, it gets you super baked" "really?" "yea dude trust me"                   QUEERS OF WAR: teens argue over Xbox Live "suck my dick!" "no you suck my dick, bitch!" *teens exchange numbers and suck each other's dicks*

HANUKKAH IN REVIEW


Day 5 of the teen news 25 days of christmas spectacular special to end all specials ever in the history of specials.  We've all heard of Hanukkah, but what is it...really?  Is it just the jews way of overcompensating for their kids lack of holiday enjoyment in the month of December?  Or is it the greatest holiday of all time?!?!?


PROS:

There's good and bad to everything right?  Having parents is pretty cool, but broccoli fucking blows.  Smoking weed is swag, but county jail is actually...well it's not THAT bad.

Dreidels - The Jewish beyblades.  There's nothing sweeter than being able to sling your wooden toy better than your brother.  What fun games can you play on Christmas? None, that's the answer.

you wish you could let it rip christians




















It Lasts Eight Days - THE TURN UP IS TOO REAL!  You may think you're pretty much a party animal when you're chugging your spiked eggnog, but imagine non-stop rolling on matzah molly for eight straight days!

CONS:

 Here's the bad, if any young jewish inclined people are viewing it may be time to head back to Reddit and check out some very, very funny memes.

Candles - What kind of Holiday has a major focus on candles?  Is Hanukkah sponsored by QVC?  Candles were invented as effortless gifts for female relatives you barely know.

possibly the most famous candle
.
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas
It Isn't Christmas... - Let's keep it one hundred and ten percent real for just one second.  Christmas is the greatest holiday of all time...of ALL TIME.  Sorry, but one shitty present a day for eight days comes no where near the gratifying feeling of ripping apart enough wrapping paper to feed the entire city of Detroit.  So now you learned two things today: 1) Hanukkah isn't underrated, it's alright...at best and 2) People that live in Detroit exist mostly on a diet of wrapping paper.