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POLNO: Frat teen asks bros if a "black polo and flops" is an alright outfit for his grandmas funeral "dude u gotta at least wear sperrys"                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   GAMER: teens play Metroid Prime "did you know Samus is a chick?" *turns off gamecube* "no" *breaks disk in half* "no i did not"                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds                   FLAMER: teen boy's house burns down due to his scented candle collection. Firefighters comment "it's the gayest tradegy i've seen in years"                   STONED: teen takes his first ever "bong hit" "make sure you drink the bong water, it gets you super baked" "really?" "yea dude trust me"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen gets turned down at local super market for putting "rolls hella dope blunts" on his resume "how is that not a good skill??"                   MODERN WARFARE: Teen decides to enlist for military after raising his kill/death ratio to 1.5 in Call of Duty "i'm ready for anything now"                   SCIENTIFIC: teen "experiments" with homosexuality *analyzes litmus paper* "just as i hypothesized.." *writes down data* "i'm gay"                   BREAKING: teen girl makes post on public social media for all to see i am so fckinnn mad right now -why? -i don't want to talk about it                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"                   MODERN WARFARE: Teen decides to enlist for military after raising his kill/death ratio to 1.5 in Call of Duty "i'm ready for anything now"                   WORK: teen seeks job "it says here u defeated the elite 4 on ur 1st try" yes sir "congrats, u got the job. ur starting salary is $1,000,000"                   BREAKING: local mother arrested for throwing out her son's Pokemon cards. Among the cards was a holographic Mewtwo. She faces up to 20 years                   HARDCORE: teens in egage in a drug deal at school "you got the moll?" yea *hands him 2 flintstones vitamins for $40* enjoy my nigga                   WOW: teen forcibly removed from house by father after he claimed to "not like Justin Timberlake" "YOU WILL RESPECT JT'S TALENT IN THIS HOME"

HANUKKAH IN REVIEW


Day 5 of the teen news 25 days of christmas spectacular special to end all specials ever in the history of specials.  We've all heard of Hanukkah, but what is it...really?  Is it just the jews way of overcompensating for their kids lack of holiday enjoyment in the month of December?  Or is it the greatest holiday of all time?!?!?


PROS:

There's good and bad to everything right?  Having parents is pretty cool, but broccoli fucking blows.  Smoking weed is swag, but county jail is actually...well it's not THAT bad.

Dreidels - The Jewish beyblades.  There's nothing sweeter than being able to sling your wooden toy better than your brother.  What fun games can you play on Christmas? None, that's the answer.

you wish you could let it rip christians




















It Lasts Eight Days - THE TURN UP IS TOO REAL!  You may think you're pretty much a party animal when you're chugging your spiked eggnog, but imagine non-stop rolling on matzah molly for eight straight days!

CONS:

 Here's the bad, if any young jewish inclined people are viewing it may be time to head back to Reddit and check out some very, very funny memes.

Candles - What kind of Holiday has a major focus on candles?  Is Hanukkah sponsored by QVC?  Candles were invented as effortless gifts for female relatives you barely know.

possibly the most famous candle
.
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas
It Isn't Christmas... - Let's keep it one hundred and ten percent real for just one second.  Christmas is the greatest holiday of all time...of ALL TIME.  Sorry, but one shitty present a day for eight days comes no where near the gratifying feeling of ripping apart enough wrapping paper to feed the entire city of Detroit.  So now you learned two things today: 1) Hanukkah isn't underrated, it's alright...at best and 2) People that live in Detroit exist mostly on a diet of wrapping paper.