Menu

OBAMA CARES: teens have no idea "the government is gonna shut down!?" "yea something about a tea party" "wow politics is so gay"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"                   DUDE: teens make their Breaking Bad predictions "dude badgers gunna be the new heisenberg" *rips bong so fucking hard* "that wud be dopeeee"                   SCIENCE PROJECT: "as you can see, the air flows through the water bec-" THIS IS A BONG "it's called a water pipe" GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   DATING: teen breaks up with girlfriend "it's just not- *curls dumbbell* WORKING OUT for me" that's funny "i kno rite. but still we're thru"                   GAMER: teens play Metroid Prime "did you know Samus is a chick?" *turns off gamecube* "no" *breaks disk in half* "no i did not"                   TWITTER: teen faces crucial decision "i wanna rewrite my typo'd tweet but it already got three favs" "MY LIFE IS PAIN" *jumps off bridge*                   DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"                   MUSIC: 8th grader brings his recorder to school "wtf are u doing" "serenading yung pussy" *plays harmonious tune* *swan dives into clitoris*                   DATING: teen breaks up with girlfriend "it's just not- *curls dumbbell* WORKING OUT for me" that's funny "i kno rite. but still we're thru"                   TEEN TALK: "is the double condom method more effective?" "a condom inside a condom? that's like inception dude" "...more like CONTRACEPTION"                   JOURNALISM: Teen girl claimed she was "literally dying" after reading a text from her friend. Sources indicate she is in fact, not dying.                   MUSIC: 8th grader brings his recorder to school "wtf are u doing" "serenading yung pussy" *plays harmonious tune* *swan dives into clitoris*                   HEALTH: teens converse while smoking cigs "can cell phones really give you cancer?" "i hope not" *takes drag* "i'd hate to get cancer"                   FRESH: teen learns the true power of swag *stomps into the club wearing light up sneakers* "sup bitches" *gets dick sucked to death*                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"

"HAPPY HOLIDAYS" : SCHOOL BANS OFFENSIVE SPEECH


The sixth day of the teen news grand revealing of the 25 days of Christmas special.  After the blissful period which was the 90s, schools across the country cracked down on the tyrannical Christmas culture that was dominating the educational system during December.  Now, a local high school has deemed the phrase "Happy Holidays" as evil and unacceptable in their school.




BALTIMORE, MD - Principal Jon Stinson reading the morning announcements a few days ago "[expletive] you teens, spreading this [expletive] holiday cheer, you know [expletive] what you [indiscernible expletives] are no longer allowed to say happy holidays either because it's [a lot of expletives] offensive to me."  After an extremely intense minute of silence and confusion the principal added "This has nothing to do with the [expletive] rumor that Mr. Diver is screwing my wife."

We sat down for a 1 on 1 interview with a student of the high school.

"How'd you feel about the expletives your principal used?"

"They were mostly fucks or variations of fucks."

"I mean, the fact that your principal used them."

"Oh...it was kinda badass actually."

cursing is punishable to the fullest extent of the law














Mr. Diver, a gym teacher, was unavailable for comment because he was presumably "fucking the shit out of Mrs. Stinson"

A notoriously liberal sophomore student who identifies as a precautionary transgender bisexual and prefers the personal pronoun "it" had a lot to say.  "Honestly the HH phrase is offensive", LeSean Stevenson is referring to "Happy Holidays", "some people aren't emotionally inclined to feel happy or to celebrate events.  Who are we to enforce feelings of happiness on everyone?  I don't want to exaggerate, but this seems mighty similar to Hitler to me."

adolphin hitler - leader of germany during the 90s
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas


Is the phrase "Happy Holidays" reminiscent of the Nazi regime?  Whether or not you simply want to stand out, have a cheating ho ho ho of a wife, or just simply hate having fun I think we can learn a lesson from Martin Luther King Jr. High School and let "Happy Holidays" slide.