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BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   UNDERCOVER: mysterious teen tries to disuade his peers "maybe we should wait until we're 21 to drink" *moustache falls off* "WTF DAD"                   BAD HAIR DAY: Teen girl decides to leave school after realizing her hair is "disgusting" an eyewitness stated "i'd still fuck her"                   KOOLS: teen buys cigs to impress girls "can i get a pack of boges?" "what kind?" *lowers shades* "the kind that gives you the most cancer"                   GAMER: teens play Metroid Prime "did you know Samus is a chick?" *turns off gamecube* "no" *breaks disk in half* "no i did not"                   JOB: teen gets interviewed "why should we hire you?" "i have 1000 followers on twitter" "how many do you follow?" "...1200" "GET OUTTA HERE"                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   RAP GAME: teen claims to have "2nd degree murdered" the track after rhyming "zimmerman" with "swimmer tan" however a florida jury disagreed                   GERIATRIC: teens talk about the future "isn't it crazy that they'll play dubstep at our nursing homes?" "skrillex is our frank sinatra"                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   STRUDEL'D: Teens get physical after toaster strudel incident "BRO DID YOU USE TWO PACKETS OF ICING" "yea?" "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"                   NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   STRUDEL'D: Teens get physical after toaster strudel incident "BRO DID YOU USE TWO PACKETS OF ICING" "yea?" "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"                   DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"                   RIPPED: teens claim to have smoked that celebrity kush "i'm emma stoned" "i'm baked shelton" "i can't think of one...but i'm high af"                   NO: teen in critical condition after asserting "digimon was way cooler than pokemon" "there's some things you just can't fucking say steve"

6 HALLOWEEN COSTUMES THAT WILL GET YOU LAID

Countless teen hopes have come to fruition or been crushed on October 31st.  The key is to wear the right thing to make sure the babes talk to you instead of your better looking friends at this year's halloween rager.  Oh by the way, if you ladies are expecting a similar article, don't, if you wanna get laid just wear as little as possible.



ladies hit up @krash_69
Sometimes it just pays to improvise.  Not everyone has the forward thinking to plan a halloween costume and I'll be damned if any person was ever better off from planning things out.

"are those arrows pointing to your penis?"
"...duh"
*gets laid*

haha i swallllowed a beer cun

There are three things ladies like: money, free alcohol, and boners.  Clearly if you can afford a friggin X-Ray machine you've got some bills and the ladies can clearly see you give out alcohol like candy considering you've recently swallowed an entire beer can!  Ask them to pull down your pants and complete the trifecta.

"hey girl can you see right through me?"
"uhhh i guess"
"then i guess you can see you've given me a massive boner"
*gets laid*


american made, american laid

As much as females hate to admit it they love food items that are shaped similarly to male genitalia.  A hot dog is basically the American version of an Italian sausage and it works just as well.  It won't take long for a girl to realize you're too big to shove in her mouth and she'll have to settle for a consolation prize.

"girl you see this mustard?"
"yep"
"well that's the only CONDOM-ment i'll be wearing tonight"
*gets laid*

CAUTION: teen news "recommends" protected sex for STD and pleasure prevention


twist her bro
Girls are naturally simple creatures.  They typically love colors and games.  This is why twister is not only consistently fun for them but can be for you too.  Whether you're playing with them or simply creepily watching you can't go wrong.

*spins wheel and lands on green*
"uhhhh spin again babe"
*gets laid*


i swallow, do you!?
In all honesty Halloween may be the third most horniest time of the year for women.  New Year's Eve ranks slightly above it because of the added desperation, but the height of female mating season happened not too long ago.  That's right, SHARK WEEK.  Wearing a shark outfit will set off many synapses in her girl brain and will surely make her want to enter the water.

*jaws theme plays as you slowly reach towards a girl's breast*
*gets laid* 



If girls could sleep with free alcohol they would.  So be the free alcohol and sleep with the girls.

"hey girl are you thirsty? because i'm thirsty as fuck"
*somehow gets laid*

-TNR3