Menu

NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   POPPIN: local teen overdoses on swagger "once he popped his fourth collar his neck couldn't take the pressure and just snapped" "RIP chad"                   GROUNDED: teen punished for 2 weeks after parents discover internet history: hot girls boobs vaginas how can i tell if i'm gay? big dicks                   SIZZURP: Teens shocked after idol Lil Wayne goes into a codeine coma. "#PrayForWeezy" "if he dies we should def get school off"                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"                   SMOOTH: teen uses a classic pickup line "you like marijuana?" ummm, yeah! "marijuwanna suck my dick?" *gets laid so hard*                   BAD HAIR DAY: Teen girl decides to leave school after realizing her hair is "disgusting" an eyewitness stated "i'd still fuck her"                   MAKING WUB: teen credits dubstep for his success with the ladies "you can't spell skrillex without killr sex"                   RAP GAME: teen claims to have "2nd degree murdered" the track after rhyming "zimmerman" with "swimmer tan" however a florida jury disagreed                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   ICEBREAKER: teen screws up a classic pick-up line "so babe you ever weigh a polar bear" "what?" *breaks ice on girl's head* "wanna make out"                   MAKING WUB: teen credits dubstep for his success with the ladies "you can't spell skrillex without killr sex"                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   ROMANCE: teens go on a date to see Monsters University *girl tries to make out with guy* "BITCH SWERVE I'M TRYNA RELIVE MY CHILDHOOD"                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"

6 HALLOWEEN COSTUMES THAT WILL GET YOU LAID

Countless teen hopes have come to fruition or been crushed on October 31st.  The key is to wear the right thing to make sure the babes talk to you instead of your better looking friends at this year's halloween rager.  Oh by the way, if you ladies are expecting a similar article, don't, if you wanna get laid just wear as little as possible.



ladies hit up @krash_69
Sometimes it just pays to improvise.  Not everyone has the forward thinking to plan a halloween costume and I'll be damned if any person was ever better off from planning things out.

"are those arrows pointing to your penis?"
"...duh"
*gets laid*

haha i swallllowed a beer cun

There are three things ladies like: money, free alcohol, and boners.  Clearly if you can afford a friggin X-Ray machine you've got some bills and the ladies can clearly see you give out alcohol like candy considering you've recently swallowed an entire beer can!  Ask them to pull down your pants and complete the trifecta.

"hey girl can you see right through me?"
"uhhh i guess"
"then i guess you can see you've given me a massive boner"
*gets laid*


american made, american laid

As much as females hate to admit it they love food items that are shaped similarly to male genitalia.  A hot dog is basically the American version of an Italian sausage and it works just as well.  It won't take long for a girl to realize you're too big to shove in her mouth and she'll have to settle for a consolation prize.

"girl you see this mustard?"
"yep"
"well that's the only CONDOM-ment i'll be wearing tonight"
*gets laid*

CAUTION: teen news "recommends" protected sex for STD and pleasure prevention


twist her bro
Girls are naturally simple creatures.  They typically love colors and games.  This is why twister is not only consistently fun for them but can be for you too.  Whether you're playing with them or simply creepily watching you can't go wrong.

*spins wheel and lands on green*
"uhhhh spin again babe"
*gets laid*


i swallow, do you!?
In all honesty Halloween may be the third most horniest time of the year for women.  New Year's Eve ranks slightly above it because of the added desperation, but the height of female mating season happened not too long ago.  That's right, SHARK WEEK.  Wearing a shark outfit will set off many synapses in her girl brain and will surely make her want to enter the water.

*jaws theme plays as you slowly reach towards a girl's breast*
*gets laid* 



If girls could sleep with free alcohol they would.  So be the free alcohol and sleep with the girls.

"hey girl are you thirsty? because i'm thirsty as fuck"
*somehow gets laid*

-TNR3