Menu

WORK: teen seeks job "it says here u defeated the elite 4 on ur 1st try" yes sir "congrats, u got the job. ur starting salary is $1,000,000"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   WOW: teen forcibly removed from house by father after he claimed to "not like Justin Timberlake" "YOU WILL RESPECT JT'S TALENT IN THIS HOME"                   FLAMER: teen boy's house burns down due to his scented candle collection. Firefighters comment "it's the gayest tradegy i've seen in years"                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   BALLING: Teen takes girlfriend out to dinner "ight babe were gonna split the 60 pc nugget" "a milkshake? idk babe maybe next time"                   NOSTALGIA: HS freshmen have a "remember the 90's" night "this is gunna be so rad!!" *they sit around and watch Max Keeble's Big Move (2001)*                   STONED: teen in hospital after "the biggest bong hit of all time" he claims he "ripped that shit like Michael Phelps" and he's "still baked"                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   WHY: teens can't understand their failures with women "i wore my best fedora!" did you show her ur beyblades? "no i forgot" rookie mistake                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   JOURNALISM: Teen girl claimed she was "literally dying" after reading a text from her friend. Sources indicate she is in fact, not dying.                   PREP: teen frat star walks halls decked out in all Polo *sees black person wearing ecko* *hides* *whispers to himself* "help me mitt romney"                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"

I HAVE THE BIGGEST DICK

Teen news asked, and you the people answered. Who has the biggest dick? Well, me of course

The competition was fierce, but it turns out America really knows the truth here. Who would’ve guessed I have a bigger dick than Barack Obama AND Lady Gaga? I mean, I figured my piece is bigger than the president’s because let’s be real, he’s only half black. But Gaga? I always thought she would out man me! Looks like my years of jelqing have really paid off. This truly is an honor, and I thank you all greatly for understanding how truly impressive my genitalia is. Also ladies, hmu

it kinda looks like dick, right?


For more teen news results click here