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BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   FML: teen struggles to get by in a harsh world "my chips are so crunchy that i can't hear the tv when i eat them" "i fucking hate my life"                   CRITIC: teen isn't too thrilled with his movie experience "more like the DECENT gatsby, 3/5 stars" "there weren't even tits"                   <3: teens go out to a romantic dinner "can we have a bottle of your finest sizzurp" *mariachi dubstep band* "babe will you turn up with me?"                   SIZZURP: Teens shocked after idol Lil Wayne goes into a codeine coma. "#PrayForWeezy" "if he dies we should def get school off"                   BAZINGA: teen breaks up with girlfriend for complicated reasons "she liked the big bang theory" "i just couldn't respect her as a person"                   BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   CANDIE: Teen sent to office after making a 'shank' by sucking on a Push-Pop™ over a period of time "7th grades tough gotta stay strapped"                   BUD: teen regrets getting high on marijuana before school "why are your eyes red?" "umm, i was riding my bike with the windows open" "what?"                   YOU GIVE BUD A BAD NAME: teen gets creative "i named my piece Bong Jovi" dude that's sick *rips bong so dang hard* "WE'RE HALFWAY THEREEE OH                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   CANDIE: Teen sent to office after making a 'shank' by sucking on a Push-Pop™ over a period of time "7th grades tough gotta stay strapped"                   DIESEL: teen gets pulled over "officer, i know i was speeding i was just really mad" *officer lowers shades* "so you were FAST and FURIOUS?"                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   BADASS: teen smokes for first time "yeah i found this blunt in my moms ash tray" *lights cig* *coughs* "that good kush and alcohol son!"

I HAVE THE BIGGEST DICK

Teen news asked, and you the people answered. Who has the biggest dick? Well, me of course

The competition was fierce, but it turns out America really knows the truth here. Who would’ve guessed I have a bigger dick than Barack Obama AND Lady Gaga? I mean, I figured my piece is bigger than the president’s because let’s be real, he’s only half black. But Gaga? I always thought she would out man me! Looks like my years of jelqing have really paid off. This truly is an honor, and I thank you all greatly for understanding how truly impressive my genitalia is. Also ladies, hmu

it kinda looks like dick, right?


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