Menu

PRUDE: teen admits he has never kissed a girl "dude how? you're 18" "cause i only kiss women...like YOUR MOM" "YOU GOT ME AGAIN BRO!" *bro5*                   HEART BREAKING: young teen overdoses on marijuana earlier today. Witnesses claim his last words were "dude" and "duuuudddeeee"                   BONDING: teen doesn't want to go to school "dad, it's just real fcking gay" "honestly son, you have a point" *father rolls fat ass blunt*                   GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   PRUDE: teen admits he has never kissed a girl "dude how? you're 18" "cause i only kiss women...like YOUR MOM" "YOU GOT ME AGAIN BRO!" *bro5*                   PUTT PUTT: teen has trouble on his first date w/ female "she beat me in mini golf" that's rough, what did you do? "i left her there" nice                   EARLY BIRD: teen gets woken up "why would you wake me up at such an UNGODLY HOUR??" dude it's 10:30 "JESUS CHRIST ITS PRACTICALLY YESTERDAY"                   DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   FUNDONT: Teen hospitalized after tragic fondue accident "i thought the bitches would want this warm cheesy dick" "they didnt"                   FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   RADICAL: "hip dad" interacts with teenage children "sup kids? you guys feeling YOLO today?" dad no "this dinner sure is MAJOR SWAG" DAD WHY                   FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   KOOLS: teen buys cigs to impress girls "can i get a pack of boges?" "what kind?" *lowers shades* "the kind that gives you the most cancer"                   PUTT PUTT: teen has trouble on his first date w/ female "she beat me in mini golf" that's rough, what did you do? "i left her there" nice                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*

LOCAL TEEN DOESN'T OWN IPHONE


You’ve heard that right America, there is a teenager in this country without an iPhone.

We here at teen news discovered the teen on one of our many undercover reporting operations. Able to get deep within the social circles at a local high school, we discovered the teen’s dark secret
“so, you like the new iphone update?”
haha, yeah totally. i love all the new… widgets
“what??”

It was at this precise moment we were able to pinpoint the iphone-less teen. What other secrets does this teen contain? Does he know what electricity is? Has he ever ridden in an automobile? DOES HE EVEN HAVE A TWITTER?? Intrigued, we pressed forward
“do you not own an iphone?”
w-whhat?? you’re crazy.. i love iphones!
“what model iphone do you have?
ummmm, the 3g razr?

It was at this point we reached into the teen’s pockets. What we found was disturbing. Our younger viewers might want to avert their gaze

i've seen some shit

The teen claimed “it was my older sister’s” and “at least I have a phone!” but his pleas for mercy fell on deaf ears
“i’m going to need you to surrender your phone”
NO WAY I NEED IT
*seizes phones*
“THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD”
*stomps phone*
*phone doesn’t even get scratched*
“woah, this thing is sturdy af”
yeah it’s not too bad

Regardless of this teen’s seemingly indestructible phone, we needed to-*drops iphone*
“GODDAMMIT FUCK”
*picks up phone and screen is cracked bad*

“steve fuckin jobs asshole piece of shit. hope he rots in hell”