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ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   RIPPED: teens claim to have smoked that celebrity kush "i'm emma stoned" "i'm baked shelton" "i can't think of one...but i'm high af"                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   POT: teen claims to be experiencing marijuana withdrawal "the room...it's so cold" bro u smoked for the first time yesterday "U DONT KNO ME"                   FML: a white teen was seen crying at starbucks this morning after they got her order wrong "here is your mocha frappe" "YOU'RE*"                   MUGSHOT: arrested teen makes an odd request while being processed "can you please sepia filter this shot" "also can you hashtag it badass?"                   ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   OCTOBER: teens go on a haunted hayride *throws hay onto females* "HAY GIRL" *throws more hay* "i said...HAY GIRL" "hayyyy!" *gets laid*                   CHILLIN: teens kick it! "i'm bored" wanna like, go outside? "out ..side?" *squints eyes and stares teen down* just fuckin witchu *rips bong*                   STYLE: teen wears new scarf to school "what's that bro? a cum rag?" "nah, it's a pussy eating bib" *walks into girl's locker room*                   TRUTH: cop teaches class on drug awareness "honestly guys... pot isn't bad for you" *class gives standing ovation* *cop starts breakdancing*                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   NOSTALGIA: HS sophomores reminisce about simpler times "remember the 90's?" "not at all"                   TRUTH: cop teaches class on drug awareness "honestly guys... pot isn't bad for you" *class gives standing ovation* *cop starts breakdancing*                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.                   TURNT: 7th graders go H.A.M. for Billy's 13th BDay "dude i just chugged 3 Kool-Aid Jammerz" "i think im starting to feel it"                   FRESH: teen learns the true power of swag *stomps into the club wearing light up sneakers* "sup bitches" *gets dick sucked to death*

LOCAL TEEN DOESN'T OWN IPHONE


You’ve heard that right America, there is a teenager in this country without an iPhone.

We here at teen news discovered the teen on one of our many undercover reporting operations. Able to get deep within the social circles at a local high school, we discovered the teen’s dark secret
“so, you like the new iphone update?”
haha, yeah totally. i love all the new… widgets
“what??”

It was at this precise moment we were able to pinpoint the iphone-less teen. What other secrets does this teen contain? Does he know what electricity is? Has he ever ridden in an automobile? DOES HE EVEN HAVE A TWITTER?? Intrigued, we pressed forward
“do you not own an iphone?”
w-whhat?? you’re crazy.. i love iphones!
“what model iphone do you have?
ummmm, the 3g razr?

It was at this point we reached into the teen’s pockets. What we found was disturbing. Our younger viewers might want to avert their gaze

i've seen some shit

The teen claimed “it was my older sister’s” and “at least I have a phone!” but his pleas for mercy fell on deaf ears
“i’m going to need you to surrender your phone”
NO WAY I NEED IT
*seizes phones*
“THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD”
*stomps phone*
*phone doesn’t even get scratched*
“woah, this thing is sturdy af”
yeah it’s not too bad

Regardless of this teen’s seemingly indestructible phone, we needed to-*drops iphone*
“GODDAMMIT FUCK”
*picks up phone and screen is cracked bad*

“steve fuckin jobs asshole piece of shit. hope he rots in hell”