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NOSTALGIA: HS freshmen have a "remember the 90's" night "this is gunna be so rad!!" *they sit around and watch Max Keeble's Big Move (2001)*                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   JOB: teen gets interviewed "why should we hire you?" "i have 1000 followers on twitter" "how many do you follow?" "...1200" "GET OUTTA HERE"                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   JOB: teen gets interviewed "why should we hire you?" "i have 1000 followers on twitter" "how many do you follow?" "...1200" "GET OUTTA HERE"                   GAMER: teens play Metroid Prime "did you know Samus is a chick?" *turns off gamecube* "no" *breaks disk in half* "no i did not"                   GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   ATTITUDE: teen fired from pizza joint for talking back over the phone "how much will a large pizza feed?" "one if ur a fuckin fatass"                   RAGER: dozens of teens flock to the local river after hearing reports that the water is "raging" "turn up!" *drowns in river*                   TEXTING: teens talk girls "dude she just texted me hey" ..so? "WITH TWO Y'S" *high fives so hard they break the fucking sound barrier*                   BADASS: teen smokes for first time "yeah i found this blunt in my moms ash tray" *lights cig* *coughs* "that good kush and alcohol son!"                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   RAGE: teen plays Pokemon Gold *at pokecenter* *rapidly clicking A* *accidentally clicks A too much and the nurse starts talking again* NOOOO                   TEXTING: teens talk girls "dude she just texted me hey" ..so? "WITH TWO Y'S" *high fives so hard they break the fucking sound barrier*                   MUGSHOT: arrested teen makes an odd request while being processed "can you please sepia filter this shot" "also can you hashtag it badass?"                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds                   OUCH: Teen 'eats shit' while attempting to longboard to class "ive been practicing all summer!" "fuck i ripped my favorite plaid shorts"                   HARDCORE: teens in egage in a drug deal at school "you got the moll?" yea *hands him 2 flintstones vitamins for $40* enjoy my nigga

4 COMMON HOMEWORK EXCUSES

Teens hate doing homework and will say almost anything to get out of it.  The only problem is that sometimes the excuse is legitimate.  We interviewed a high school teacher to find out the four most common excuses for teens not doing their homework.  We also asked him whether or not these excuses were acceptable and the logic behind that decision making process.


 4) "Sorry teach, apparently my brother is a werewolf and he ate my homework."
can teens ACTUALLY be where wools
What is your reaction to this excuse?
Professor Gulliville - "Most teens will use this excuse even when it isn't the day after a full moon.  I don't know if they think I'm an idiot, but come on everyone knows that.  Also, we ask our students to please submit any family history of lycanthropy or vampirism."
Acceptable or Unacceptable?
Professor Gulliville - "Unacceptable."

3) "I was a little busy barricading my house from zombies last night to do the math problems."
when zombs are nazis too smh
What is your reaction to this excuse?
Professor Gulliville - "My first reaction is to judge the seriousness of the child's expression.  If they are talking about a video game I will FAIL them immediately.  Video game playing turns kids into zombies!  If they look serious I have to understand that there is a very real chance of zombies rising up from the ground or a nasty virus turning us into zombie esque versions of ourselves that feast on the human race and some teens HAVE to look out for their families."
Acceptable or Unacceptable?
Professor Gulliville - "Acceptable sometimes."

2) "My printer is haunted."
print me somethin dude
What is your reaction to this excuse?
Professor Gulliville - "While ghosts are known to haunt inanimate objects sometimes, especially electronical objects, come on it's 2013.  Ghosts are known to be trend setters and would definitely inhabit an iPhone or a Samsung Galaxy before a friggin' printer!"
Acceptable or Unacceptable?
Professor Gulliville - "Completely Unacceptable."
1) "I forgot because aliens abducted me last night and erased my memory, obviously erasing the memory of the homework assignment wasn't their first priority but it was a consequence of the brain tampering procedure."
we come in peace lol
What is your reaction to this excuse?
Professor Gulliville - "The logic is very impressive.  Of course aliens would erase your memory after they abduct you to hide their existense.  I'm assuming his mom or significant other told him of his abduction and the rest was logically derrived."
Acceptable or Unacceptable?
Professor Gulliville - "Acceptable."