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GRADES: Student receives an "F" on powerpoint presentation for using too many laser sounds in transitions "that sound effect is gangster af"                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   ORATORY SKILLS: teen uses a classic tactic of rhetoric in a debate with his peer "you're gay" "no, YOU'RE gay" *teen stands in shock*                   OUCH: Teen sent to office after being wrongly accused of texting in class "jeez i was just staring at my dick" "no one texts me anyway"                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   BUD: teen regrets getting high on marijuana before school "why are your eyes red?" "umm, i was riding my bike with the windows open" "what?"                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   RIPPED: teens claim to have smoked that celebrity kush "i'm emma stoned" "i'm baked shelton" "i can't think of one...but i'm high af"                   BONDING: teen doesn't want to go to school "dad, it's just real fcking gay" "honestly son, you have a point" *father rolls fat ass blunt*                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   GRADES: Student receives an "F" on powerpoint presentation for using too many laser sounds in transitions "that sound effect is gangster af"                   DATING: teen breaks up with girlfriend "it's just not- *curls dumbbell* WORKING OUT for me" that's funny "i kno rite. but still we're thru"                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   CIGS: teen takes up smoking to appear cooler to his peers "have you taken up smoking?" "yes, i have" "you appear cooler to me now"                   TWITTER: teen faces crucial decision "i wanna rewrite my typo'd tweet but it already got three favs" "MY LIFE IS PAIN" *jumps off bridge*                   CANDIE: Teen sent to office after making a 'shank' by sucking on a Push-Pop™ over a period of time "7th grades tough gotta stay strapped"                   FISH ARE FRIENDS: a white girl posts a facebook status Becky: i'm FINna watch some shark week! Hannah: omg so creative! Becky: love uuuuuuu

FIFTH PERIOD BRAWL: SCHOOL FIGHT

A 15 year male teen (who demanded to remain anonymous) was hospitalized for getting brutally beat up by his 'not-so fellow' classmates.

 "Everything was going fine" he said until an upperclassman (who also demands to remain anonymous) noticed that he got a manicure
"that's totally gay" witness Sarah F. (15 Sophmore) claimed is what the bully remarked
"but i'm a man, i deserve a MANicure" the victim said right before the bully swung at him, knocking him to the ground.

 Whilst the unnamed bully and his friends kicked the 15 year old teen he remarked "don't fuck up my nails bro!" 

 The upperclassmen's friends looked at him and continued beating him up, thus the riot of fifth period started
"i don't know I just started hitting people" Jared S. (16 junior)
"i didn't know this is what high school was like, my shrek lunchbox almost broke. my mom would have killed me" Carl T. (14 Freshman)

 After four minutes of pure madness only the victim and the upperclassman had major injuries
"gonna have to stock up on bugs bunny bandaids after this one" the elderly school nurse quoted

 The staff cleared the fights after a minute and a half and tried to get things back to the normal schedule
"it's those damn vietnamese and their nail salons. scarier than 'nam", claimed racist janitor and former veteran

 The Principal refused to answer any questions claiming "who the fuck is teen news and why do they care about a cafeteria fight?"