Menu

GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   GROUNDED: teen punished for 2 weeks after parents discover internet history: hot girls boobs vaginas how can i tell if i'm gay? big dicks                   UNDERCOVER: mysterious teen tries to disuade his peers "maybe we should wait until we're 21 to drink" *moustache falls off* "WTF DAD"                   MAKING WUB: teen credits dubstep for his success with the ladies "you can't spell skrillex without killr sex"                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   WORK: teen seeks job "it says here u defeated the elite 4 on ur 1st try" yes sir "congrats, u got the job. ur starting salary is $1,000,000"                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   SWAGGER: teen gets ready for saturday night yeah this snapback yolo combo will for sure get me laid *chugs diet pepsi* TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"                   GROUNDED: teen punished for 2 weeks after parents discover internet history: hot girls boobs vaginas how can i tell if i'm gay? big dicks                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   BAZINGA: teen breaks up with girlfriend for complicated reasons "she liked the big bang theory" "i just couldn't respect her as a person"                   HIGH: teens smoke while their parents are out "WAIT get the dog outta here. he'll tell my mom" *stares at dog for 30 seconds* "you're right"                   DUDE: teens make their Breaking Bad predictions "dude badgers gunna be the new heisenberg" *rips bong so fucking hard* "that wud be dopeeee"                   TEXTING: teens talk girls "dude she just texted me hey" ..so? "WITH TWO Y'S" *high fives so hard they break the fucking sound barrier*

FIFTH PERIOD BRAWL: SCHOOL FIGHT

A 15 year male teen (who demanded to remain anonymous) was hospitalized for getting brutally beat up by his 'not-so fellow' classmates.

 "Everything was going fine" he said until an upperclassman (who also demands to remain anonymous) noticed that he got a manicure
"that's totally gay" witness Sarah F. (15 Sophmore) claimed is what the bully remarked
"but i'm a man, i deserve a MANicure" the victim said right before the bully swung at him, knocking him to the ground.

 Whilst the unnamed bully and his friends kicked the 15 year old teen he remarked "don't fuck up my nails bro!" 

 The upperclassmen's friends looked at him and continued beating him up, thus the riot of fifth period started
"i don't know I just started hitting people" Jared S. (16 junior)
"i didn't know this is what high school was like, my shrek lunchbox almost broke. my mom would have killed me" Carl T. (14 Freshman)

 After four minutes of pure madness only the victim and the upperclassman had major injuries
"gonna have to stock up on bugs bunny bandaids after this one" the elderly school nurse quoted

 The staff cleared the fights after a minute and a half and tried to get things back to the normal schedule
"it's those damn vietnamese and their nail salons. scarier than 'nam", claimed racist janitor and former veteran

 The Principal refused to answer any questions claiming "who the fuck is teen news and why do they care about a cafeteria fight?"