Menu

HIGH TIMES: teens smoke weed after school "dude... sinks are like showers but for your hands" *passes joint* ..bro that's fucking adorable                   ROMANCE: teens go on a date to see Monsters University *girl tries to make out with guy* "BITCH SWERVE I'M TRYNA RELIVE MY CHILDHOOD"                   NOSTALGIA: HS freshmen have a "remember the 90's" night "this is gunna be so rad!!" *they sit around and watch Max Keeble's Big Move (2001)*                   FUNDONT: Teen hospitalized after tragic fondue accident "i thought the bitches would want this warm cheesy dick" "they didnt"                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   BALLER: teens discuss their plans while shooting hoops "what are you doing tonight?" *shoots* "nothing but-" *swishes* "netflix"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   QUEERS OF WAR: teens argue over Xbox Live "suck my dick!" "no you suck my dick, bitch!" *teens exchange numbers and suck each other's dicks*                   BROAH: teens "out bro" each other "sup bro?" "sup bromo sapien?" "sup tony bromo?" "sup BROSEIDON, KING OF THE BROCEAN, SLAYER OF MERM POON"                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   HARDCORE: teens in egage in a drug deal at school "you got the moll?" yea *hands him 2 flintstones vitamins for $40* enjoy my nigga

WTF HAPPENED TO THE RADIO (PART 1): WORST CHRISTMAS MUSIC

Happy holidays, in day 3 of the 25 days of teen news Christmas teen news examines one of the absolute worst parts of the month of December. The fact that a few of your local top 40 stations are switching from your favorite overplayed jams to 24/7 non-stop Christmas music.  A blessing? I don't think so.


All I want for Christmas is you, [Christmas Songs]
All I want for Christmas is you, [Christmas Songs]
All I want for Christmas is you, [Christmas Songs]

The Post-Thanksgiving music apocalypse that happens every year without fail is upon us.  Everytime you drive to Target, walk around Target, or hear a Target commercial your ears are immediately assaulted with the sounds of Christmas joy.  Target did not pay us for us to use Target five times and counting in our article, but be sure to check out your local Target for the best Christmas shopping deals. Target. Expect More. Pay less.

Part 2 will focus specifically on some of the worst Christmas songs, but let's get to the crux of why teens hate Christmas songs.  When teens listen to music they listen for one of four things: Skrillex, Coldplay, Rihanna, or Drake.  Or more generally: dubstep, new age rock music, pop music, or Drake.  Teen News can prove this with a few responses from actual teens.

"i love drake" - Jill
"i love drake" - Beth
"i love drake" - Tiffany aka "Tiff"

teens also love coldplay


 
and some teens also love rihanna


dubstep, the inventor of skrillex

Basically, teens don't HATE  Basically, teens don't HATE Christmas music they just hate that it isn't Drake.  What the fuck happened to the radio? They took Drake off the radio for a whole month, what the drake fuck.  Check back sometime tomorrow for "Christmas Trees Are Just Plants" and scroll down to see New Jersey legend and teen sympathizer Tony Soprano wondering the same things you are.    
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas