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OCTOBER: teens go on a haunted hayride *throws hay onto females* "HAY GIRL" *throws more hay* "i said...HAY GIRL" "hayyyy!" *gets laid*                   BALLER: teens discuss their plans while shooting hoops "what are you doing tonight?" *shoots* "nothing but-" *swishes* "netflix"                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   TRIPPY: teens drop acid for the first time "grasshoppers are the dubstep of nature" "holy shit bro that's so deep" "i'm a young socrates"                   ATTITUDE: teen fired from pizza joint for talking back over the phone "how much will a large pizza feed?" "one if ur a fuckin fatass"                   TWITTER: teen faces crucial decision "i wanna rewrite my typo'd tweet but it already got three favs" "MY LIFE IS PAIN" *jumps off bridge*                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds                   DRUGSTEP: christian parents worried about teenage son "have you been smoking dubstep?" "mom what??" "DON'T LIE TO ME WHERE'S THE SKRILLEX"                   BUSTED: teens get pulled over on the highway "is there any marijuana in the vehicle?" "lol of course dude it's the HIGHway" "have fun kids"                   DIESEL: teen gets pulled over "officer, i know i was speeding i was just really mad" *officer lowers shades* "so you were FAST and FURIOUS?"                   HIGH TIMES: teens smoke weed after school "dude... sinks are like showers but for your hands" *passes joint* ..bro that's fucking adorable                   FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   BUSTED: teens get pulled over on the highway "is there any marijuana in the vehicle?" "lol of course dude it's the HIGHway" "have fun kids"                   MUGSHOT: arrested teen makes an odd request while being processed "can you please sepia filter this shot" "also can you hashtag it badass?"                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   BADASS: teen smokes for first time "yeah i found this blunt in my moms ash tray" *lights cig* *coughs* "that good kush and alcohol son!"                   RAGE: teen plays Pokemon Gold *at pokecenter* *rapidly clicking A* *accidentally clicks A too much and the nurse starts talking again* NOOOO

HOLIDAY DECORATING: CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

Day 2 of the teen news 25 days of Christmas and the topic for December 2nd is Holiday Decorating. Your parents are very likely to deck the house out if they haven't already, and either in response or in preparation teen news breaks down the five lamest holiday decorations and of course the reasons why they suck.



5) Nativity Scenes
this is as cool as they get











 There's nothing lamer about Christmas than the birth of Christ.  Anything related to unexpected pregnancy is a total turn off to any babes you might bring over your house because even though condoms are 99% effective against the spread of sexually transmitted diseases they could not prevent the messiah.

*gets drunk and breaks nativity scene*
"jesus bro...i'm so sorry"

4) Trains




                                  

Nope, I don't know why trains are commonly associated with Christmas either, they're an outdated mode of transportation that are only used for pre-gaming in America.

"son help me set up this train set"
"dad are you like 12 years old"

3) Wreaths
a robot Christmas wreath
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas
First of all, many wreaths are made out of left over Christmas tree parts from the Christmas tree factory located somewhere in China.  That alone makes it lame.  No one wants to look at shitty leftover Christmas tree parts that were made in china in preparation of an event in which we exchange gifts that were made in china.

"nice wreath bro"
"thanks man i genuinely appreciate that"

2) Plush Singing Decorations

sing me a song gingerbread man, sing me a song tonight
I don't think there is a credible argument as to why these things wouldn't be lame.  They're advertised as "soft and adorable" but in reality the Christmas song the plush demon sings will become the background music to your nightmares as December advances.

"can i click the button to make it sing!?"
"BRO I'LL KILL YOU BEFORE I LET THAT HAPPEN"


1) Lights
frustration
Other than those that politically identify as "white trash" Christmas lights are decorations that get put up in December and taken down in January.  The assembly of Christmas Lights lead to over 100,000 deaths every year in the state of Rhode Island alone.  The risk is simply not worth the reward, and death is the lamest thing of all.

"son i could use some assistance out here"
"DAD I DON'T WANNA FUCKING HELP YOU DECORATE"                                   

Check in some time on December 3rd to hear about crappy Christmas music in WTF Happened To The Radio, Part 1.