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SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   iOSHEAVEN: Teens marvel in Apple's latest conquest "iOS 7 is better than being alive" "now i can die happy" "i feel steve jobs inside me"                   MODERN WARFARE: Teen decides to enlist for military after raising his kill/death ratio to 1.5 in Call of Duty "i'm ready for anything now"                   FAMILY DINNER: "mom what are we eating?" "we're having pasta" *mom puts on dubstep* "with a side of TURNIP" *everyone goes fucking nuts*                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"                   ICEBREAKER: teen screws up a classic pick-up line "so babe you ever weigh a polar bear" "what?" *breaks ice on girl's head* "wanna make out"                   WHY: teens can't understand their failures with women "i wore my best fedora!" did you show her ur beyblades? "no i forgot" rookie mistake                   FUNDONT: Teen hospitalized after tragic fondue accident "i thought the bitches would want this warm cheesy dick" "they didnt"                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   EASY LIVIN: teens are out of school and ready to let loose for the summer! "yo man i'm bored af" "me too"                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   OUCH: Teen sent to office after being wrongly accused of texting in class "jeez i was just staring at my dick" "no one texts me anyway"                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   OBAMA CARES: teens have no idea "the government is gonna shut down!?" "yea something about a tea party" "wow politics is so gay"                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*

HOLIDAY DECORATING: CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

Day 2 of the teen news 25 days of Christmas and the topic for December 2nd is Holiday Decorating. Your parents are very likely to deck the house out if they haven't already, and either in response or in preparation teen news breaks down the five lamest holiday decorations and of course the reasons why they suck.



5) Nativity Scenes
this is as cool as they get











 There's nothing lamer about Christmas than the birth of Christ.  Anything related to unexpected pregnancy is a total turn off to any babes you might bring over your house because even though condoms are 99% effective against the spread of sexually transmitted diseases they could not prevent the messiah.

*gets drunk and breaks nativity scene*
"jesus bro...i'm so sorry"

4) Trains




                                  

Nope, I don't know why trains are commonly associated with Christmas either, they're an outdated mode of transportation that are only used for pre-gaming in America.

"son help me set up this train set"
"dad are you like 12 years old"

3) Wreaths
a robot Christmas wreath
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas
First of all, many wreaths are made out of left over Christmas tree parts from the Christmas tree factory located somewhere in China.  That alone makes it lame.  No one wants to look at shitty leftover Christmas tree parts that were made in china in preparation of an event in which we exchange gifts that were made in china.

"nice wreath bro"
"thanks man i genuinely appreciate that"

2) Plush Singing Decorations

sing me a song gingerbread man, sing me a song tonight
I don't think there is a credible argument as to why these things wouldn't be lame.  They're advertised as "soft and adorable" but in reality the Christmas song the plush demon sings will become the background music to your nightmares as December advances.

"can i click the button to make it sing!?"
"BRO I'LL KILL YOU BEFORE I LET THAT HAPPEN"


1) Lights
frustration
Other than those that politically identify as "white trash" Christmas lights are decorations that get put up in December and taken down in January.  The assembly of Christmas Lights lead to over 100,000 deaths every year in the state of Rhode Island alone.  The risk is simply not worth the reward, and death is the lamest thing of all.

"son i could use some assistance out here"
"DAD I DON'T WANNA FUCKING HELP YOU DECORATE"                                   

Check in some time on December 3rd to hear about crappy Christmas music in WTF Happened To The Radio, Part 1.