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TEEN TALK: "is the double condom method more effective?" "a condom inside a condom? that's like inception dude" "...more like CONTRACEPTION"                   NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   420: "son, can you look up how many grams are in an ounce?" "oh, it's 28" "why do you know that?" "because i love... the metric system" "oh"                   HARDCORE: teens in egage in a drug deal at school "you got the moll?" yea *hands him 2 flintstones vitamins for $40* enjoy my nigga                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   GERIATRIC: teens talk about the future "isn't it crazy that they'll play dubstep at our nursing homes?" "skrillex is our frank sinatra"                   POPPIN: local teen overdoses on swagger "once he popped his fourth collar his neck couldn't take the pressure and just snapped" "RIP chad"                   <3: teens go out to a romantic dinner "can we have a bottle of your finest sizzurp" *mariachi dubstep band* "babe will you turn up with me?"                   TRAGIC: teen reportedly "never seen again" after entering a Hot Topic "we begged him not to enter that store" "he belongs to the mall now"                   YOU GIVE BUD A BAD NAME: teen gets creative "i named my piece Bong Jovi" dude that's sick *rips bong so dang hard* "WE'RE HALFWAY THEREEE OH                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   YOU GIVE BUD A BAD NAME: teen gets creative "i named my piece Bong Jovi" dude that's sick *rips bong so dang hard* "WE'RE HALFWAY THEREEE OH                   REBEL: teen makes breakfast for dinner "this is not an appropriate time for that!" FUCK SOCIETY *dropkicks mom* I'M MAKING FLAP JACKS                   YOU GIVE BUD A BAD NAME: teen gets creative "i named my piece Bong Jovi" dude that's sick *rips bong so dang hard* "WE'RE HALFWAY THEREEE OH                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   DRUGSTEP: christian parents worried about teenage son "have you been smoking dubstep?" "mom what??" "DON'T LIE TO ME WHERE'S THE SKRILLEX"                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"

ADVENT CALENDARS

It's December and teen news is getting in the holiday spirit by bringing you a Christmas themed article everyday from now until Christmas in the TEEN NEWS 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR EVENT THAT WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR ALL TIME.  Or for short, the 25 Days of Christmas, to kick off let's take a close look at Advent Calendars.

It doesn't get more logical than this, the count-up to Christmas begins by examining a count-up to Christmas.  Christception.

Advent is the season in which Christians "anticipate" the birth of one Jesus (pronounced "hey-zeus") Christ even though the world's most famous carpenter died over 2,000 years ago.  However, the nostalgic christians advent has absolutely nothing to do with advent calendars whose dates (December 1st through December 25th) are loosely, at best, based on their namesake, but really serve to count down to the pinnacle of consumer culture in these United States.

Consumer culture and excess purchases started on Christmas when three old "wise" men brought a baby frankincense, gold, and myrrh (allegedly).  I'm sure gold was probably still "in" back then, but I have no fucking idea why these guys thought this newborn would be immediately concerned with his fashion sense upon entering the world.  Maybe they thought that "the son of god" would pop out Benjamin Button style, but slightly younger and definitely more Brad Pitt esque.  At any rate, I couldn't tell you what frankincense or myrrh are, and I'll be damned if a baby could either.  Oh, and you're welcome ladies for turning your mental image of your lord and savior jesus christ into a holy brad pitt.

i turned into a baby for your sins


Advent Calendars usually allow a child (or socially underdeveloped teen) to receive a small token every Earth day for checking the calendar.

*opens the December 1st box*
"what the fudge mom, a peppermint?!"
"all you did was look at a fucking calendar, what the fuck do you want, some fucking frankincense or myrrh?"

the signature dish of sweden
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas
A 2011 study conducted by the "Remember the 90s" organization found that a solid 50% of teens remember using an advent calendar and that 99% of those teens were extremely unsatisfied with the small piece of candy, sticker, or bible verse they received in return for the difficult task of flipping up a sign, peeling off a sticker, or opening a box.  The study also determined that the other 1% were most likely "trolls".

ADVENT-ually teen news will post something good, check in sometime December 2nd for "Holiday Decorating".