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YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   SMACKED: teen nerd gets beat up by own father "sorry son, but you wore a naruto headband to dinner" "that shit just won't fly in my house"                   FUN: college teens live it up "i thought tonight we'd go classy, so i bought the $18 vodka instead of the $12 one" "WE'LL DRINK LIKE KINGS"                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"                   TEXTING: teens talk girls "dude she just texted me hey" ..so? "WITH TWO Y'S" *high fives so hard they break the fucking sound barrier*                   LIQUOR: teen girls celebrate wasted wednesday *shot #1* turn up! *shot #2* my bf is a totals dickk *shot #3* *pukes all over the floor*                   WHY: teens can't understand their failures with women "i wore my best fedora!" did you show her ur beyblades? "no i forgot" rookie mistake                   STUDY: teen crams for exam PREPARE THE LUBE MOTHER *jams textbook into anus* i guess you can say ill be pulling the answers...OUT OF MY ASS                   SWAGGER: teen gets ready for saturday night yeah this snapback yolo combo will for sure get me laid *chugs diet pepsi* TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?                   DRUGSTEP: christian parents worried about teenage son "have you been smoking dubstep?" "mom what??" "DON'T LIE TO ME WHERE'S THE SKRILLEX"                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   HOUSE RULES: a teen argues with his father "WEAR YOUR SNAPBACK SON" "dad why" "there are swagless kids in africa" "UGH YOU'RE TOO RAD DAD"                   BAZINGA: teen breaks up with girlfriend for complicated reasons "she liked the big bang theory" "i just couldn't respect her as a person"                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   ART: teen shows off his photography skills "i took a picture of a tree man" "so??" "....then i made it black and white" "woah that's deep"                   FAMILY DINNER: "mom what are we eating?" "we're having pasta" *mom puts on dubstep* "with a side of TURNIP" *everyone goes fucking nuts*                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone

STYLE WATCH: PUBIC HAIR

It used to be a huge fashion faux pas, but guess what's back in style teens? Pubic hair! This season is all about texture and we've got the 4-1-1 that pubes are totally NBD! In fact, people everywhere are LOVING pubes cause hot moms never have bald eagles. Put simply, MILFs rule. Since this is totes a foreign concept to some of us teens, we at teen news are going to help you out. There are a few ways you could go about taming your mane... but there is only one way you should.

THE GUCCI SYMBOL


This is a great unisex look. Shaving the gucci symbol into your pubic hair screams wealth, and rich people always get laid. Remember when Soulja boy got it tattooed on his forehead? Same effect, but way sexier. So next time you schedule that wax, keep in mind that bald is so last season, and shaving designer logos into your pubes, totes in. And as much as pubic hair is totally in, some pubic hair keep people TOTALLY OUT...

THE FEDORA



When choosing the shape of your pubes, make sure you do a lot of research. Studies show that 99.9999% of people that shave fedoras into their pubic hair stay virgins forever. But it doesn’t stop there... if you reference men’s sandals, unironic fanny packs, epipens or even Nickelback, you can never have sex again. So don’t ever underestimate the virginal power of any of the aforementioned.. you’ve been warned. You’re probably thinking, “I know what not to do... but how do I use this new found love for pubic hair to my advantage?” Well do we have the answer for you. The most effective pubic hair style to get laid involves time, hair dye, and two elastics. We call this one..

THE MILEY BUNS


If you let your pubes grow as long as you can, you should be able to put them into two little buns on either side of your pubic bone. This is a super cute, and easy way to maintain your wayward hairs. Next step is you have to dye the tips of your pubies platinum blond. But make sure to leave some roots! Ombre is super in right now. Now your cute pubes totally look like Miley! Omg now this is the best part. Your tongue automatically grows to TWO TIMES THE SIZE making oral pleasure SUPER good and effective for your partner. If word gets out that you have “Miley Buns” be prepared to have people fall all over you.