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DUDE: teens make their Breaking Bad predictions "dude badgers gunna be the new heisenberg" *rips bong so fucking hard* "that wud be dopeeee"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   STONED: teen takes his first ever "bong hit" "make sure you drink the bong water, it gets you super baked" "really?" "yea dude trust me"                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   HOUSE RULES: a teen argues with his father "WEAR YOUR SNAPBACK SON" "dad why" "there are swagless kids in africa" "UGH YOU'RE TOO RAD DAD"                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   HIGH: teens smoke while their parents are out "WAIT get the dog outta here. he'll tell my mom" *stares at dog for 30 seconds* "you're right"                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   MAKING WUB: teen credits dubstep for his success with the ladies "you can't spell skrillex without killr sex"                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   420: "son, can you look up how many grams are in an ounce?" "oh, it's 28" "why do you know that?" "because i love... the metric system" "oh"                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   SENSUAL: teen sets up for a perfect date "candle lit dinner, bottle of red wine, and a copy of spy kids on blu ray" *gets 100 blowjobs*                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"

STYLE WATCH: PUBIC HAIR

It used to be a huge fashion faux pas, but guess what's back in style teens? Pubic hair! This season is all about texture and we've got the 4-1-1 that pubes are totally NBD! In fact, people everywhere are LOVING pubes cause hot moms never have bald eagles. Put simply, MILFs rule. Since this is totes a foreign concept to some of us teens, we at teen news are going to help you out. There are a few ways you could go about taming your mane... but there is only one way you should.

THE GUCCI SYMBOL


This is a great unisex look. Shaving the gucci symbol into your pubic hair screams wealth, and rich people always get laid. Remember when Soulja boy got it tattooed on his forehead? Same effect, but way sexier. So next time you schedule that wax, keep in mind that bald is so last season, and shaving designer logos into your pubes, totes in. And as much as pubic hair is totally in, some pubic hair keep people TOTALLY OUT...

THE FEDORA



When choosing the shape of your pubes, make sure you do a lot of research. Studies show that 99.9999% of people that shave fedoras into their pubic hair stay virgins forever. But it doesn’t stop there... if you reference men’s sandals, unironic fanny packs, epipens or even Nickelback, you can never have sex again. So don’t ever underestimate the virginal power of any of the aforementioned.. you’ve been warned. You’re probably thinking, “I know what not to do... but how do I use this new found love for pubic hair to my advantage?” Well do we have the answer for you. The most effective pubic hair style to get laid involves time, hair dye, and two elastics. We call this one..

THE MILEY BUNS


If you let your pubes grow as long as you can, you should be able to put them into two little buns on either side of your pubic bone. This is a super cute, and easy way to maintain your wayward hairs. Next step is you have to dye the tips of your pubies platinum blond. But make sure to leave some roots! Ombre is super in right now. Now your cute pubes totally look like Miley! Omg now this is the best part. Your tongue automatically grows to TWO TIMES THE SIZE making oral pleasure SUPER good and effective for your partner. If word gets out that you have “Miley Buns” be prepared to have people fall all over you.