Menu

HOT: teens love sexting! 9:14 - i wanna sex u up 9:15 - wat u gna do 2 me? 9:15 - ima stick my penis in ur *goes on wikipedia* 9:24 - labia                   EMPLOYMENT: teen girls fills out job application "should i put down that i was twerk team captain?" "fuck yea i should"                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   OUCH: Teen 'eats shit' while attempting to longboard to class "ive been practicing all summer!" "fuck i ripped my favorite plaid shorts"                   PUBERTY: 16 y/o feels confident with his newly grown facial hair "one packet of cigarettes please" no "okay!" *moonwalks out of 7/11*                   TRAGIC: teen reportedly "never seen again" after entering a Hot Topic "we begged him not to enter that store" "he belongs to the mall now"                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   TWITTER: teen faces crucial decision "i wanna rewrite my typo'd tweet but it already got three favs" "MY LIFE IS PAIN" *jumps off bridge*                   PRUDE: teen admits he has never kissed a girl "dude how? you're 18" "cause i only kiss women...like YOUR MOM" "YOU GOT ME AGAIN BRO!" *bro5*                   ROMANCE: teens go on a date to see Monsters University *girl tries to make out with guy* "BITCH SWERVE I'M TRYNA RELIVE MY CHILDHOOD"                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   WOAH: teen finds out the secret to girls "it's all about politeness" *pulls out seat* "you look lovely" *ripsticks directly into her vagina*                   ROMANCE: teens go on a date to see Monsters University *girl tries to make out with guy* "BITCH SWERVE I'M TRYNA RELIVE MY CHILDHOOD"                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   SCIENTIFIC: teen "experiments" with homosexuality *analyzes litmus paper* "just as i hypothesized.." *writes down data* "i'm gay"                   YOLO: HS teen takes it to the limit LET'S *turns hat sideways* FUCKING *puts speakers up to 80% full volume* DO THIS *drinks 2 light beers*                   HEALTH: teens converse while smoking cigs "can cell phones really give you cancer?" "i hope not" *takes drag* "i'd hate to get cancer"

STYLE WATCH: PUBIC HAIR

It used to be a huge fashion faux pas, but guess what's back in style teens? Pubic hair! This season is all about texture and we've got the 4-1-1 that pubes are totally NBD! In fact, people everywhere are LOVING pubes cause hot moms never have bald eagles. Put simply, MILFs rule. Since this is totes a foreign concept to some of us teens, we at teen news are going to help you out. There are a few ways you could go about taming your mane... but there is only one way you should.

THE GUCCI SYMBOL


This is a great unisex look. Shaving the gucci symbol into your pubic hair screams wealth, and rich people always get laid. Remember when Soulja boy got it tattooed on his forehead? Same effect, but way sexier. So next time you schedule that wax, keep in mind that bald is so last season, and shaving designer logos into your pubes, totes in. And as much as pubic hair is totally in, some pubic hair keep people TOTALLY OUT...

THE FEDORA



When choosing the shape of your pubes, make sure you do a lot of research. Studies show that 99.9999% of people that shave fedoras into their pubic hair stay virgins forever. But it doesn’t stop there... if you reference men’s sandals, unironic fanny packs, epipens or even Nickelback, you can never have sex again. So don’t ever underestimate the virginal power of any of the aforementioned.. you’ve been warned. You’re probably thinking, “I know what not to do... but how do I use this new found love for pubic hair to my advantage?” Well do we have the answer for you. The most effective pubic hair style to get laid involves time, hair dye, and two elastics. We call this one..

THE MILEY BUNS


If you let your pubes grow as long as you can, you should be able to put them into two little buns on either side of your pubic bone. This is a super cute, and easy way to maintain your wayward hairs. Next step is you have to dye the tips of your pubies platinum blond. But make sure to leave some roots! Ombre is super in right now. Now your cute pubes totally look like Miley! Omg now this is the best part. Your tongue automatically grows to TWO TIMES THE SIZE making oral pleasure SUPER good and effective for your partner. If word gets out that you have “Miley Buns” be prepared to have people fall all over you.