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NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   SHY: teen refuses to get naked in front of her bf b/c she's "too fat" sources indicate bf "doesn't care" & "just wants to see some titties"                   EARLY BIRD: teen gets woken up "why would you wake me up at such an UNGODLY HOUR??" dude it's 10:30 "JESUS CHRIST ITS PRACTICALLY YESTERDAY"                   MIA: "mom i lost my swag!" "where did you last YOLO?" "i already checked my snapback collection!" "well i'm sure it'll TURN UP"                   TRUTH: cop teaches class on drug awareness "honestly guys... pot isn't bad for you" *class gives standing ovation* *cop starts breakdancing*                   HOT: teens love sexting! 9:14 - i wanna sex u up 9:15 - wat u gna do 2 me? 9:15 - ima stick my penis in ur *goes on wikipedia* 9:24 - labia                   BUDS: teens smoke marijuana "dude, could you imagine if weed was illegal?" "it is illegal" "WHAT??" *throws bong out window, flees country*                   FUNDONT: Teen hospitalized after tragic fondue accident "i thought the bitches would want this warm cheesy dick" "they didnt"                   BALLING: Teen takes girlfriend out to dinner "ight babe were gonna split the 60 pc nugget" "a milkshake? idk babe maybe next time"                   MIA: "mom i lost my swag!" "where did you last YOLO?" "i already checked my snapback collection!" "well i'm sure it'll TURN UP"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   HIGH: teens smoke while their parents are out "WAIT get the dog outta here. he'll tell my mom" *stares at dog for 30 seconds* "you're right"                   CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"                   OUCH: Teen sent to office after being wrongly accused of texting in class "jeez i was just staring at my dick" "no one texts me anyway"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   CIGS: teen takes up smoking to appear cooler to his peers "have you taken up smoking?" "yes, i have" "you appear cooler to me now"                   SHY: teen refuses to get naked in front of her bf b/c she's "too fat" sources indicate bf "doesn't care" & "just wants to see some titties"                   BADASS: teen smokes for first time "yeah i found this blunt in my moms ash tray" *lights cig* *coughs* "that good kush and alcohol son!"                   TRUTH: cop teaches class on drug awareness "honestly guys... pot isn't bad for you" *class gives standing ovation* *cop starts breakdancing*

TOP 5 MOST BANGABLE CARTOON CHARACTERS

Everyone has their fantasies. There are far more perverted fetishes than sexy cartoon characters, so fuck you for judging me. Here's a list of the top 5 cartoon characters I'd bang if given the chance. 

1. Lola Bunny

I'd let her play with my pom-poms

Lola is just such a sexy name to begin with. I’m pretty sure she introduced me to my first erection.



2. Ariel (little mermaid)
she got me wet af

Most of you are probably thinking to yourselves “DURRR but Ariel is part human.” Well fuck you cause the broad is clearly a fish and I’d jizz in her gills any day.

3. Articuno (pokemon)


That booty gives me the chills

Now that would be a legendary bang. There’s just something about the rarity of this bird that turns me on so much. I’d definitely waste an ultra ball on this bitch. Not sure it’s female tho. Articuna? I totally feel like Articuno would be a squirter.



4. Cortana (Halo)


I've never had sex with a computer before...

We absolutely adore videogames here at teen news. Although Cortana is artificial intelligence and does not technically exist in our physical universe, she is responsible for my first orgasm. What’s that? You say you didn’t jerk it after beating Halo 1? Must’ve been on some Heroic shit. Legendary or it didn’t count.



5. Minnie Mouse (Disney)
did someone say up-skirt?



Usually I don’t condone anything that’s made by Disney, considering the fact that Walt Disney was a raging anti-semite and a known pen-pal of Adolph Hitler, but not even this Kosher cock can resist that sex appeal of Minnie Mouse. She just glows with classic beauty.