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BOSS: teen gets his homework checked "ya i didn't do it" "you don't have an excuse?" "EXCUSE me but how bout you get the FUCK outta my face"                   KOOLS: teen buys cigs to impress girls "can i get a pack of boges?" "what kind?" *lowers shades* "the kind that gives you the most cancer"                   BROAH: teens "out bro" each other "sup bro?" "sup bromo sapien?" "sup tony bromo?" "sup BROSEIDON, KING OF THE BROCEAN, SLAYER OF MERM POON"                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   SMACKED: teen nerd gets beat up by own father "sorry son, but you wore a naruto headband to dinner" "that shit just won't fly in my house"                   PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher "can i use the bathroom?" "i don't know, CAN you?" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*                   RADICAL: "hip dad" interacts with teenage children "sup kids? you guys feeling YOLO today?" dad no "this dinner sure is MAJOR SWAG" DAD WHY                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   EMPLOYMENT: teen girls fills out job application "should i put down that i was twerk team captain?" "fuck yea i should"                   PUTT PUTT: teen has trouble on his first date w/ female "she beat me in mini golf" that's rough, what did you do? "i left her there" nice                   DUDE: teens make their Breaking Bad predictions "dude badgers gunna be the new heisenberg" *rips bong so fucking hard* "that wud be dopeeee"                   YOLO: HS teen takes it to the limit LET'S *turns hat sideways* FUCKING *puts speakers up to 80% full volume* DO THIS *drinks 2 light beers*                   EMPLOYMENT: teen girls fills out job application "should i put down that i was twerk team captain?" "fuck yea i should"                   BAD HAIR DAY: Teen girl decides to leave school after realizing her hair is "disgusting" an eyewitness stated "i'd still fuck her"                   HIGH SCHOOL: teens talk music "you hear the new earl sweatpants album?" heck yes! GOLF GANG!! "damn, we're so #swag"                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"

TOP 5 MOST BANGABLE CARTOON CHARACTERS

Everyone has their fantasies. There are far more perverted fetishes than sexy cartoon characters, so fuck you for judging me. Here's a list of the top 5 cartoon characters I'd bang if given the chance. 

1. Lola Bunny

I'd let her play with my pom-poms

Lola is just such a sexy name to begin with. I’m pretty sure she introduced me to my first erection.



2. Ariel (little mermaid)


she got me wet af

Most of you are probably thinking to yourselves “DURRR but Ariel is part human.” Well fuck you cause the broad is clearly a fish and I’d jizz in her gills any day.

3. Articuno (pokemon)


That booty gives me the chills

Now that would be a legendary bang. There’s just something about the rarity of this bird that turns me on so much. I’d definitely waste an ultra ball on this bitch. Not sure it’s female tho. Articuna? I totally feel like Articuno would be a squirter.



4. Cortana (Halo)


I've never had sex with a computer before...

We absolutely adore videogames here at teen news. Although Cortana is artificial intelligence and does not technically exist in our physical universe, she is responsible for my first orgasm. What’s that? You say you didn’t jerk it after beating Halo 1? Must’ve been on some Heroic shit. Legendary or it didn’t count.



5. Minnie Mouse (Disney)


did someone say up-skirt?



Usually I don’t condone anything that’s made by Disney, considering the fact that Walt Disney was a raging anti-semite and a known pen-pal of Adolph Hitler, but not even this Kosher cock can resist that sex appeal of Minnie Mouse. She just glows with classic beauty.