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SCIENCE PROJECT: "as you can see, the air flows through the water bec-" THIS IS A BONG "it's called a water pipe" GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM                   LEGIT: teen gets real "i'm all about three things: pussy, weed, and kill streaks" *rips bong and plays black ops* "...the pussy can wait"                   SUPER SMASH BROTHAS: teen claims Nintendo is racist "there's no black people in super smash" well, there IS donkey ko- *gets ass beat hard*                   ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   FUNDONT: Teen hospitalized after tragic fondue accident "i thought the bitches would want this warm cheesy dick" "they didnt"                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   RAGER: dozens of teens flock to the local river after hearing reports that the water is "raging" "turn up!" *drowns in river*                   HEALTH: teens converse while smoking cigs "can cell phones really give you cancer?" "i hope not" *takes drag* "i'd hate to get cancer"                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   SUPER SMASH BROTHAS: teen claims Nintendo is racist "there's no black people in super smash" well, there IS donkey ko- *gets ass beat hard*                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   HEART BREAKING: young teen overdoses on marijuana earlier today. Witnesses claim his last words were "dude" and "duuuudddeeee"                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   DUNKIN BRONUTS: teens get coffee "why iced coffee bro" "i like my coffee like i like my bros...chill AS FUCK" *chugs coffee while bro5ing*                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone

FOUR THINGS TO KEEP WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES


There are a ton of essentials you may have on a daily basis, but here is a foolproof list of four things absolutely no one should ever be caught without. If it were 2006, a mirror would also be included on this list. But, fortunately, your phone has a front-facing camera that works just as well.

                     

Keys & I.D.: These may seem like a no-brainer, but when you are in a rush, they can be just as easy to forget. Nothing is worse than walking into a test and realizing you don’t have your student card or coming home after a long day and being locked out. Save yourself the trouble by taking a few seconds to make sure you have them before you go. However, if you are going to wear either of these items as a necklace, you are better off without them. That’s a fact.



Chapstick: Contrary to popular belief, forgetting Chapstick is not a legitimate excuse to skip class. I speak from experience.


                                       

Sunglasses: The sun’s rays have no mercy on the hungover, so be sure to have sunglasses on hand after a long night of drinking. Shades also come in handy if you don’t have time to put on make-up or need to avoid making eye contact with an ex.


                                     

A Good Attitude: Whether you are headed to work, class, lunch, the gym, a party, wherever, one thing’s for sure: no one likes a pessimist asshole. Make the best of any situation and you will find a lot more things work out in your favor.