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SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   WHIP GAME: teens hit the go kart track "mushrooms and racing was a great idea" "i feel like mario" "haha steve is just staring at the wheel"                   NOSTALGIA: HS freshmen have a "remember the 90's" night "this is gunna be so rad!!" *they sit around and watch Max Keeble's Big Move (2001)*                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   YUNG LOVE: teen receives a text from his gf "i miss u" "i literally just left your house" "k" *throws phone at wall*                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   TRIPPY: teens drop acid for the first time "grasshoppers are the dubstep of nature" "holy shit bro that's so deep" "i'm a young socrates"                   MODERN WARFARE: Teen decides to enlist for military after raising his kill/death ratio to 1.5 in Call of Duty "i'm ready for anything now"                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   WAKE & BAKE: teen wakes up early to prepare for his school's bake sale "this has absolutely nothing to do with weed" "sorry to disappoint"                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   BUD: teen regrets getting high on marijuana before school "why are your eyes red?" "umm, i was riding my bike with the windows open" "what?"

5 SIMPLE ACTS OF CHIVALRY

Chivalry was basically a ploy for knights to get laid. These guys were scamming on the prudest women in the history of mankind. Before the Middle Ages was an era of orgies. The Middle Ages ushered in a culture of virginity. Guys, these bitches wore chastity belts. Yet, the knight got laid on the reg. With the amount of self-objectifying and lack of worth that the women in our generation enact, chivalry is a man’s best friend. There is no excuse for not trying this out. This shit is easy.


Open the door for her.

Don’t hold it open on the way in. The woman is just going to feel a sense of urgency and obligation to run to the door to let you complete your stride. Turn the knob and step to the side.

car doors too yo

Offer to help her carry shit.

Nine times out of ten she will refuse the help. But it really doesn’t matter. This gesture will instill in her mind that you are a nice and polite man. Girls tell their friends about this shit. Like, “Omg that guy is so nice!”. If she does let you carry her shit, she 100% wants the d.

bags a make her dance

     
Give up your seat on the bus.

The beauty of this tactic is that the uglier woman you give your seat to, the more credit you will get from the surrounding, more attractive women, for not being shallow. Half the time she will refuse the seat but again it doesn’t matter. You have an audience that witnessed this chivalrous act. Only ask the person directly in front of you.
ill stand 
*If she declines the seat don’t ask other women. You will look like a creep.

Keep her safe from traffic.

This isn’t a common act of chivalry but I have found it effective. If there is a car, any more than fifty feet away from where you are crossing, grab her with one arm or hand, and dramatically pull her from the “danger”. This gives her the feeling that she is safe with you.

dansel in distress = easy digits
Push her floor button on the elevator.

If you don’t have elevator game, you don’t have shit. The elevator is like living in the 60s. You know why those hippies had so much anonymous sex? It’s because their bitches weren't on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram getting hit up by 30 dudes who are down to gorilla-fuck them. When you were talking with a girl in the 60s it was just you and her. Nobody else exits. The elevator simulates this environment. Ask her for what floor number you should push. You must ask this immediately. Don’t even give her a chance to extend her finger to push that button.

i kno numbers rull good trust me