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HIGH: teens smoke while their parents are out "WAIT get the dog outta here. he'll tell my mom" *stares at dog for 30 seconds* "you're right"                   OUCH: Teen sent to office after being wrongly accused of texting in class "jeez i was just staring at my dick" "no one texts me anyway"                   SIZZURP: Teens shocked after idol Lil Wayne goes into a codeine coma. "#PrayForWeezy" "if he dies we should def get school off"                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   SWAGGER: teen gets ready for saturday night yeah this snapback yolo combo will for sure get me laid *chugs diet pepsi* TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?                   FUN: college teens live it up "i thought tonight we'd go classy, so i bought the $18 vodka instead of the $12 one" "WE'LL DRINK LIKE KINGS"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   FML: a white teen was seen crying at starbucks this morning after they got her order wrong "here is your mocha frappe" "YOU'RE*"                   ORATORY SKILLS: teen uses a classic tactic of rhetoric in a debate with his peer "you're gay" "no, YOU'RE gay" *teen stands in shock*                   TRAGIC: teen reportedly "never seen again" after entering a Hot Topic "we begged him not to enter that store" "he belongs to the mall now"                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   CANDIE: Teen sent to office after making a 'shank' by sucking on a Push-Pop™ over a period of time "7th grades tough gotta stay strapped"                   CHAT: teens talk on AIM™ Sk8rBoy - did she blow u? Dude86 - yea, but she sucked dick at it Sk8rBoy - is that good or bad? Dude86 - lmao dude                   ICEBREAKER: teen screws up a classic pick-up line "so babe you ever weigh a polar bear" "what?" *breaks ice on girl's head* "wanna make out"                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   GERIATRIC: teens talk about the future "isn't it crazy that they'll play dubstep at our nursing homes?" "skrillex is our frank sinatra"                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   MAKING WUB: teen credits dubstep for his success with the ladies "you can't spell skrillex without killr sex"                   HEALTH: teens converse while smoking cigs "can cell phones really give you cancer?" "i hope not" *takes drag* "i'd hate to get cancer"

HOW TO STOP PHONE FROM DYING: THE 1%

Some teens are too young to realize that brave citizens tried to fight for their freedoms back in the olden days of 2011.  Two, long, dubstep filled years later teen news prompts a new discussion on where Occupy Wall Street went wrong, and the realistic goals we hope to achieve in the near future.


THE OCCUPY MOVEMENT

Beginning in September of 2011, a large group of teens displayed their anger towards the 1% battery life (and the impending death of their iPhone) on Wall Street in New York City.  New York City, also known as the "Big Apple", is clearly the BIGgest spot for people that use APPLE iPhones, so the location made perfect sense.  Their battle cry of "We are the 99%" was referring to their nearly fully charged iPhones at the beginning of the movement, a power level that they were fighting to protect. However the movement quickly became disorganized based on the various level of charges of the protesters.  Chants of "We are the 99%" were soon drowned out by cries of "WHAT DO WE WANT!? 80-90% CHARGE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT!? NOW!", "LOL THE 69% IS NO JOKE", "PROTECT THE MIDDLE CLASS, KEEP IT 50%", and of course the notorious "YOU'VE JUST WON A FREE IPAD CLICK HERE".  There was no longer a strong singular message and thus their iPhones died, and so did the movement.

Steve Jobs trying to get the angry mobs to calm tf down

WHAT DO WE WANT

As teens, we obviously want the world to operate in a way where 1% battery life is a thing of the past.  NASA has already tried developing an "immortal phone", but deemed the project a failure after asking for "God's help" and never getting any.  So, teen news has developed a two step plan to solve this crisis once and for all.

1. MORE OUTLETS

There's no way to tell how many teens could be in a room at once so the best way to be prepared for maximum capacity is to put an outlet in literally every free area on the wall.  We'll have to sacrifice wallpaper for this to work, but sometimes it's more about functionality than beauty.

2. IPHONE 4 & IPHONE 5 CHARGERS IN EVERY SOCKET ON EVERY WALL

No matter where teens go after the implementation of this plan they will be able to have fully charged iPhones.  Below is a picture of the plan in preliminary testing.

A nearly complete section 

WHEN DO WE WANT IT

Now.