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OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   COMEDY: teens finish watching Breaking Bad "wow, more like breaking GOOD" "...i said, more like break-" "we heard you the first time dick"                   BUDS: teens smoke marijuana "dude, could you imagine if weed was illegal?" "it is illegal" "WHAT??" *throws bong out window, flees country*                   BUDS: teens smoke marijuana "dude, could you imagine if weed was illegal?" "it is illegal" "WHAT??" *throws bong out window, flees country*                   ART: teen shows off his photography skills "i took a picture of a tree man" "so??" "....then i made it black and white" "woah that's deep"                   DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   TRAGIC: teen reportedly "never seen again" after entering a Hot Topic "we begged him not to enter that store" "he belongs to the mall now"                   GROUNDED: teen punished for 2 weeks after parents discover internet history: hot girls boobs vaginas how can i tell if i'm gay? big dicks                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   SUPER SMASH BROTHAS: teen claims Nintendo is racist "there's no black people in super smash" well, there IS donkey ko- *gets ass beat hard*                   HIGH SCHOOL: teens talk music "you hear the new earl sweatpants album?" heck yes! GOLF GANG!! "damn, we're so #swag"                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   POOETRY: Teen fed up w/ eng class "do u love rap music? then class you'll love Edgar Allen Poe" "MORE LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POOP" "grow up steve"                   DRUGSTEP: christian parents worried about teenage son "have you been smoking dubstep?" "mom what??" "DON'T LIE TO ME WHERE'S THE SKRILLEX"                   NOSTALGIA: HS freshmen have a "remember the 90's" night "this is gunna be so rad!!" *they sit around and watch Max Keeble's Big Move (2001)*                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*

HOW TO STOP PHONE FROM DYING: THE 1%

Some teens are too young to realize that brave citizens tried to fight for their freedoms back in the olden days of 2011.  Two, long, dubstep filled years later teen news prompts a new discussion on where Occupy Wall Street went wrong, and the realistic goals we hope to achieve in the near future.


THE OCCUPY MOVEMENT

Beginning in September of 2011, a large group of teens displayed their anger towards the 1% battery life (and the impending death of their iPhone) on Wall Street in New York City.  New York City, also known as the "Big Apple", is clearly the BIGgest spot for people that use APPLE iPhones, so the location made perfect sense.  Their battle cry of "We are the 99%" was referring to their nearly fully charged iPhones at the beginning of the movement, a power level that they were fighting to protect. However the movement quickly became disorganized based on the various level of charges of the protesters.  Chants of "We are the 99%" were soon drowned out by cries of "WHAT DO WE WANT!? 80-90% CHARGE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT!? NOW!", "LOL THE 69% IS NO JOKE", "PROTECT THE MIDDLE CLASS, KEEP IT 50%", and of course the notorious "YOU'VE JUST WON A FREE IPAD CLICK HERE".  There was no longer a strong singular message and thus their iPhones died, and so did the movement.

Steve Jobs trying to get the angry mobs to calm tf down

WHAT DO WE WANT

As teens, we obviously want the world to operate in a way where 1% battery life is a thing of the past.  NASA has already tried developing an "immortal phone", but deemed the project a failure after asking for "God's help" and never getting any.  So, teen news has developed a two step plan to solve this crisis once and for all.

1. MORE OUTLETS

There's no way to tell how many teens could be in a room at once so the best way to be prepared for maximum capacity is to put an outlet in literally every free area on the wall.  We'll have to sacrifice wallpaper for this to work, but sometimes it's more about functionality than beauty.

2. IPHONE 4 & IPHONE 5 CHARGERS IN EVERY SOCKET ON EVERY WALL

No matter where teens go after the implementation of this plan they will be able to have fully charged iPhones.  Below is a picture of the plan in preliminary testing.

A nearly complete section 

WHEN DO WE WANT IT

Now.