Witnesses told police
they spotted a 15 to 18 year old male riding a longboard and smoking a
cigarette at the same time. One also claims “I think it was a menthol” and “he
was wearing board shorts”
The teen was allegedly
longboarding at speeds of over 15 miles per hours
“He was like a blur. One
second I smelled the scent of Axe Body Spray and the next, BAM, he zooms right
past me. I was scared”
Police were startled to
find that a teenager could be so cool, and are still currently on the lookout
for the teen in question.
One officer claims he is
“keeping his eyes peeled for overly cool teenagers” and “wants more donuts”.
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THE LONGBOARD: a common mode of transportation used
mainly by teens who couldn't figure out how to do kickflips
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Many teens across the
country try to act cool, but very few are able to achieve a limit where it
becomes both highly dangerous and highly illegal
Legislation preventing
teens from being overly cool was passed in the early 1990’s after a 17 year old
New Jersey male tragically “drowned in pussy”
Police are constantly on
the lookout for teenagers who are too cool and even run programs in local
public schools on proper coolness safety. These programs teach teens not to
combine too many cool activities at once, such as: “getting laid”, “crushing Natties”,
and “driving over the speed limit”
“Be cool always in
moderation” is the message the program preaches and hopes teens follow
Events such as the ones
that happened earlier are chilling reminders that there are teens out there who
simply don’t care about obeying the law, which in turn is making them even more
cool
“It’s truly an epidemic”
says one of the first police officers on the scene, “the more these kids break
the law, the cooler they get and the more dangerous they become. It’s a vicious
and unforgiving cycle.”
