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NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   NOSTALGIA: HS sophomores reminisce about simpler times "remember the 90's?" "not at all"                   CENSORED: 10th grade teen refuses to say "the n word" during a class reading of To Kill A Mockingbird "there were black kids in that class"                   FISH ARE FRIENDS: a white girl posts a facebook status Becky: i'm FINna watch some shark week! Hannah: omg so creative! Becky: love uuuuuuu                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   QUEERS OF WAR: teens argue over Xbox Live "suck my dick!" "no you suck my dick, bitch!" *teens exchange numbers and suck each other's dicks*                   JOB: teen gets interviewed "why should we hire you?" "i have 1000 followers on twitter" "how many do you follow?" "...1200" "GET OUTTA HERE"                   EARLY BIRD: teen gets woken up "why would you wake me up at such an UNGODLY HOUR??" dude it's 10:30 "JESUS CHRIST ITS PRACTICALLY YESTERDAY"                   FML: teen struggles to get by in a harsh world "my chips are so crunchy that i can't hear the tv when i eat them" "i fucking hate my life"                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   BARGAIN: teen buys weed for the first time *hands dealer $20* *gets handed bag of chopped leaves* *smells bag* "woah this is some dank kush"                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"                   RAP GAME: teen claims to have "2nd degree murdered" the track after rhyming "zimmerman" with "swimmer tan" however a florida jury disagreed                   WAKE & BAKE: teen wakes up early to prepare for his school's bake sale "this has absolutely nothing to do with weed" "sorry to disappoint"                   PREP: teen frat star walks halls decked out in all Polo *sees black person wearing ecko* *hides* *whispers to himself* "help me mitt romney"

TEEN PROPOSES BAN ON SPAGHETTI EATING CONTESTS

In a remarkable twist of events, 16-year-old prodigy Ethan Anderson has taken the world of law and politics by storm with his outlandish proposal to ban spaghetti eating contests. In a press conference held at his high school cafeteria, Ethan passionately argued that these competitions posed a grave threat to public safety and were a cause for concern regarding the potential hazards of slurping noodles.

spaghetti eating

With a colorful slideshow and an eloquent speech, Ethan meticulously detailed the various dangers associated with spaghetti eating contests. His concerns ranged from the risks of choking to the potential for sauce-induced slippage resulting in catastrophic spills. He even cited statistics of an alarming increase in tomato sauce stains on teenage clothing, urging lawmakers to take immediate action.

Ethan's proposal, aptly named the "Pasta Peril Prevention Act," suggests a comprehensive ban on any organized events that involve competitive consumption of spaghetti. The act further specifies penalties for offenders, including mandatory pasta sensitivity training and community service at local Italian restaurants.

The announcement of Ethan's proposed legislation ignited a fierce debate within the teen community. Supporters argue that it's high time we prioritize safety over spaghetti consumption, while opponents claim that this measure infringes upon personal freedoms and undermines the spirit of gastronomic adventure.

Celebrities have also voiced their opinions on the matter. Renowned chef and TV personality, Chef Luigi, expressed his outrage, declaring that such a ban would "stifle culinary creativity and diminish the artistry of twirling pasta." On the other hand, health-conscious teen influencer, FitFreak17, hailed Ethan's initiative as a step towards encouraging healthier eating habits among teenagers.

The proposed ban has even gained international attention, with foreign dignitaries and pasta enthusiasts from around the globe expressing their disbelief and curiosity. Some countries, such as Italy, have offered to send their most skilled pasta eaters to demonstrate their impeccable technique, hoping to convince lawmakers that spaghetti consumption can be safe and enjoyable.

In response to the growing discourse, lawmakers have formed a special committee to evaluate the merits of Ethan's proposal. The committee will convene public hearings where experts, including professional eaters, nutritionists, and orthodontists, will present their views on the potential dangers of spaghetti eating contests.

While the outcome of this peculiar legislative battle remains uncertain, one thing is for sure: Ethan Anderson has become the face of teenage activism, inspiring a new wave of young individuals to challenge the status quo and advocate for their beliefs, no matter how peculiar or pasta-related they may be.

As the debate unfolds, we eagerly await the final verdict on whether spaghetti eating contests will become a thing of the past or if teens will continue to revel in the joyous chaos of noodle slurping competitions. Stay tuned as we keep you updated on the saucy twists and turns of this unlikely legal battle!