9) "I'M FUCKING HAMMERED"
Yes, I know YOLO. Even though the hip new trend is to drive drunk, don't do it, because it's almost impossible to take shots while driving. If you do though, why would you ever tell a police officer that when field sobriety tests are a very fun drunk activity.
8) "Good day, officer."
Fuck the police. Don't wish this asshole a good day, he pulled you over. You were on your way to your bro's house and the five minutes you spend dealing with his shit is five less minutes you can rip his sweet new bong.
7) "What's up bro?"
Cops are clearly not bros. He is not your broliceman or your brofficer, he is giving you a $100 ticket for not stopping for that bullshit stop sign in your own neighborhood because he's a dick.
6) "I'm kind of in a rush..."
No, no, no, no, no, no, NO. Why would you EVER even THINK to say this!? The police species aims to disrupt as many possible days as they can. As soon as you let them know you've got shit to do, which you obviously do, he's gonna get a rock solid baton in his pants and take as long as humanly possible.
5) "Yes officer, I know why I'm being pulled over."
It's pretty much a rhetorical question when they ask you if you know. Obviously you know that you broke some bullshit law and some bullshit old man is going to give you a bullshit ticket that he could have given to a thousand other people...bullshit.
4) "Why would there be weed in the car?"
If an officer asks you if there is weed in the car you can't ask him why would he think that because the cop has basically just told you that you look like a cool dude. Don't turn down free compliments man, you got that stoner look working for you.
3) "Yes there is weed in the car."
Come on, you're better than this.
2) "No there isn't weed in the car."
Don't lie to the police. They can lock you up for that shit. We know you just copped a fresh dub and as long as this article helps you learn your lesson you'll be high in ten minutes if you don't fucking say the word weed.
1) "I'm black."
If the racist police officer doesn't already know, don't tell him.
