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420: "son, can you look up how many grams are in an ounce?" "oh, it's 28" "why do you know that?" "because i love... the metric system" "oh"                   CANDIE: Teen sent to office after making a 'shank' by sucking on a Push-Pop™ over a period of time "7th grades tough gotta stay strapped"                   WONDERWALL: : teen learns guitar to pick up girls *strums a single G chord* "i'm gunna get so fucking laid"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   JOB: teen gets interviewed "why should we hire you?" "i have 1000 followers on twitter" "how many do you follow?" "...1200" "GET OUTTA HERE"                   FUNDONT: Teen hospitalized after tragic fondue accident "i thought the bitches would want this warm cheesy dick" "they didnt"                   GROUNDED: teen punished for 2 weeks after parents discover internet history: hot girls boobs vaginas how can i tell if i'm gay? big dicks                   :'(: Girl found passed out after what friends call a 'white girl rampage' "becky was wayyy out of control" "she had likee 11 mochafrapss!!"                   IRL: teen forgets he's not playing GTA V *goes sixty mph on the highway* *jumps out of car* *gets up and walks away*                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*                   MUGSHOT: arrested teen makes an odd request while being processed "can you please sepia filter this shot" "also can you hashtag it badass?"                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   IRL: teen forgets he's not playing GTA V *goes sixty mph on the highway* *jumps out of car* *gets up and walks away*                   SHY: teen refuses to get naked in front of her bf b/c she's "too fat" sources indicate bf "doesn't care" & "just wants to see some titties"                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"

9 THINGS NOT TO SAY WHEN PULLED OVER

Teens get pulled over because teens are terrible drivers.  There's certain ethnic and gender groups that we won't mention by name that might be worse, but this is about you.  If you have never been pulled over you probably still know the routine.  The cop asks "do you know why I pulled you over son?" and you say the wrong thing and the cop beats the crap out of you.  Here's what NOT to say.


 9) "I'M FUCKING HAMMERED"

 Yes, I know YOLO.  Even though the hip new trend is to drive drunk, don't do it, because it's almost impossible to take shots while driving.  If you do though, why would you ever tell a police officer that when field sobriety tests are a very fun drunk activity.

 8) "Good day, officer."

 Fuck the police.  Don't wish this asshole a good day, he pulled you over.  You were on your way to your bro's house and the five minutes you spend dealing with his shit is five less minutes you can rip his sweet new bong.

 7) "What's up bro?"

 Cops are clearly not bros.  He is not your broliceman or your brofficer, he is giving you a $100 ticket for not stopping for that bullshit stop sign in your own neighborhood because he's a dick.

 6) "I'm kind of in a rush..."

 No, no, no, no, no, no, NO.  Why would you EVER even THINK to say this!?  The police species aims to disrupt as many possible days as they can.  As soon as you let them know you've got shit to do, which you obviously do, he's gonna get a rock solid baton in his pants and take as long as humanly possible.

5) "Yes officer, I know why I'm being pulled over."

 It's pretty much a rhetorical question when they ask you if you know.  Obviously you know that you broke some bullshit law and some bullshit old man is going to give you a bullshit ticket that he could have given to a thousand other people...bullshit.

 4) "Why would there be weed in the car?"

 If an officer asks you if there is weed in the car you can't ask him why would he think that because the cop has basically just told you that you look like a cool dude.  Don't turn down free compliments man, you got that stoner look working for you.

 3) "Yes there is weed in the car."

 Come on, you're better than this.

 2) "No there isn't weed in the car."

 Don't lie to the police.  They can lock you up for that shit.  We know you just copped a fresh dub and as long as this article helps you learn your lesson you'll be high in ten minutes if you don't fucking say the word weed.

1) "I'm black."

 If the racist police officer doesn't already know, don't tell him.