“we don’t think the results are simply coincidental”
*cool scientist rips a makeshift bong made from an
Erlenmeyer flask*
 |
| colloquially referred to as "bongs", scientists prefer to use their proper term, "water pipes" |
Marijuana goes by a plethora of names: “the devil’s
cabbage”, “Satan’s lettuce”, “Hitler’s broccoli”, and many more
“all the cool kids call it nug. but johnson over here
calls it ‘the reefer’. what a friggin’ nerd!”
*cool scientist flips off johnson*
Scientists are also claiming the same genes that make
people cool can also be found in the cannabis plant itself
“oh yeah this science shit is air tight”
*cool scientist pulls out indecipherable charts and
figures*
“you see this shit? i know you aint tellin me you can
prove that shit wrong… that’s what i thought. pussy”
 |
| the numbers don't lie folks |
As marijuana use increases amongst the teenage
population, scientists believe the cool kid to nerd ratio will also increase,
and this leaves some scientists worried
“we saw the same shit happen in ‘09 when every kid was
drinking 4loko. you can’t have that many cool kids runnin around. it throws off the natural
order of things. next thing you know geeks like johnson are gunna start getting laid”
*cool scientist throws chemicals at johnson*
 |
| the drink that lost 1000 virginities |
With all of this new information coming out linking
marijuana smoking to teenage popularity, there is sure to be backlash in High
Schools across the world. Some officials even suggest legalizing the drug as to
make smoking it “less cool”
“wait a minute, this shit’s illegal?”
*cool scientist gives johnson a wedgie*
“HAHAHA I’M JUST FUCKIN WIT Y’ALL. 420 BLAZE IT FAGGIT”
On the contrary, some officials suggest putting more money into the War
on Drugs
“it’s fine. spend another trillion dollars
stopping potheads. we literally have infinity money” – Barack Obama
Whatever is done, teens are surely smoking weed at an
alarmingly high rate, and this could potentially cause major world consequences in this country
“dude did you see that story about teens and marijuana on
the news today?”
*teen passes blunt*
“the news?? what are you fuckin gay?”
