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GAMER: teens play Metroid Prime "did you know Samus is a chick?" *turns off gamecube* "no" *breaks disk in half* "no i did not"                   STONED: teen in hospital after "the biggest bong hit of all time" he claims he "ripped that shit like Michael Phelps" and he's "still baked"                   POOETRY: Teen fed up w/ eng class "do u love rap music? then class you'll love Edgar Allen Poe" "MORE LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POOP" "grow up steve"                   BADASS: teen smokes for first time "yeah i found this blunt in my moms ash tray" *lights cig* *coughs* "that good kush and alcohol son!"                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   STYLE: teen wears new scarf to school "what's that bro? a cum rag?" "nah, it's a pussy eating bib" *walks into girl's locker room*                   SENSUAL: teen sets up for a perfect date "candle lit dinner, bottle of red wine, and a copy of spy kids on blu ray" *gets 100 blowjobs*                   iOSHEAVEN: Teens marvel in Apple's latest conquest "iOS 7 is better than being alive" "now i can die happy" "i feel steve jobs inside me"                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   BAD HAIR DAY: Teen girl decides to leave school after realizing her hair is "disgusting" an eyewitness stated "i'd still fuck her"                   TEXTING: teens talk girls "dude she just texted me hey" ..so? "WITH TWO Y'S" *high fives so hard they break the fucking sound barrier*                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   BAD HAIR DAY: Teen girl decides to leave school after realizing her hair is "disgusting" an eyewitness stated "i'd still fuck her"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.                   OUCH: Teen sent to office after being wrongly accused of texting in class "jeez i was just staring at my dick" "no one texts me anyway"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   OCTOBER: teens go on a haunted hayride *throws hay onto females* "HAY GIRL" *throws more hay* "i said...HAY GIRL" "hayyyy!" *gets laid*

WEED STUDIES: DANK SCIENCE

A new study indicates that 3 out of 4 teenagers (approximately 69%) smoke marijuana. A follow up study was then administered where scientists conjecture that 1 in 4 teenagers happen to be nerds.
“we don’t think the results are simply coincidental”
*cool scientist rips a makeshift bong made from an Erlenmeyer flask*

colloquially referred to as "bongs", scientists prefer
to use their proper term, "water pipes"


Marijuana goes by a plethora of names: “the devil’s cabbage”, “Satan’s lettuce”, “Hitler’s broccoli”, and many more
“all the cool kids call it nug. but johnson over here calls it ‘the reefer’. what a friggin’ nerd!”
*cool scientist flips off johnson*

Scientists are also claiming the same genes that make people cool can also be found in the cannabis plant itself
“oh yeah this science shit is air tight”
*cool scientist pulls out indecipherable charts and figures*
“you see this shit? i know you aint tellin me you can prove that shit wrong… that’s what i thought. pussy”

the numbers don't lie folks


As marijuana use increases amongst the teenage population, scientists believe the cool kid to nerd ratio will also increase, and this leaves some scientists worried
“we saw the same shit happen in ‘09 when every kid was drinking 4loko. you can’t have that many cool kids runnin around. it throws off the natural order of things. next thing you know geeks like johnson are gunna start getting laid”
*cool scientist throws chemicals at johnson*

the drink that lost 1000 virginities

With all of this new information coming out linking marijuana smoking to teenage popularity, there is sure to be backlash in High Schools across the world. Some officials even suggest legalizing the drug as to make smoking it “less cool”
“wait a minute, this shit’s illegal?”
*cool scientist gives johnson a wedgie*
“HAHAHA I’M JUST FUCKIN WIT Y’ALL. 420 BLAZE IT FAGGIT”

On the contrary, some officials suggest putting more money into the War on Drugs

“it’s fine. spend another trillion dollars stopping potheads. we literally have infinity money” – Barack Obama

Whatever is done, teens are surely smoking weed at an alarmingly high rate, and this could potentially cause major world consequences in this country
“dude did you see that story about teens and marijuana on the news today?”
*teen passes blunt*
“the news?? what are you fuckin gay?”