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420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   GOSSIP: 7th graders talk rumors "i heard tina gave billy a handjob behind the bleachers after school" for real? "yea" wait what's a handjob?                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   YUMMY: teen "hecka ticked off" after mother packs him "oatmeal raisin granola bars" for lunch "BITCH KNOWS I ONLY FUCKS WIT CHOCOLATE CHIP"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   TURNT: 7th graders go H.A.M. for Billy's 13th BDay "dude i just chugged 3 Kool-Aid Jammerz" "i think im starting to feel it"                   FAMILY DINNER: "mom what are we eating?" "we're having pasta" *mom puts on dubstep* "with a side of TURNIP" *everyone goes fucking nuts*                   NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   RAGER: dozens of teens flock to the local river after hearing reports that the water is "raging" "turn up!" *drowns in river*                   DATING: teen breaks up with girlfriend "it's just not- *curls dumbbell* WORKING OUT for me" that's funny "i kno rite. but still we're thru"                   NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   CANDIE: Teen sent to office after making a 'shank' by sucking on a Push-Pop™ over a period of time "7th grades tough gotta stay strapped"                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   TURNT: 7th graders go H.A.M. for Billy's 13th BDay "dude i just chugged 3 Kool-Aid Jammerz" "i think im starting to feel it"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.

TEEN HIJACKS PLANE WITH HOT POCKET


Sorry world, another aerial disaster occurred this afternoon involving an 18 year old college student and the reason Jim Gaffigan is able to feed his children.

NEW YORK, NY - A Harvard student was on a flight from New York to San Francisco that departed at 12:00 PM today and is currently in police custody for suspected terrorist acts.

"We didn't know what was going to happen, he just asked to use a microwave", a flight attendant told teen news with eyes full of tears. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT, I SHOULD'VE ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS MICROWAVING."

According to various eye witnesses, the teen walked into the cockpit with the hot pocket and the pilot loudly exclaimed "IT'S SO HOT". Much to the copilot's amazement, the pilot then bravely took a bite out of the teen's hot pocket and abandoned flying the plane, which sent the plane and all 300 passengers into a free fall.

hot pockets are so f*cking hot
After being punched in the face by the hijacker the pilot swallowed the weapon of choice and steadied the plane, an air marshal on board proceeded to taze the terrorist suspect repeatedly for the rest of the flight.  Teen News got the suspect's last words before he was shipped off to Guantanamo Bay.

"I WAS JUST EATING A FUCKING HOT P