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CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"                   TWITTER: teen faces crucial decision "i wanna rewrite my typo'd tweet but it already got three favs" "MY LIFE IS PAIN" *jumps off bridge*                   SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   DISSED: teen engages in a rap battle "dude ur raps are toilet/if i pooped in ur mouth you'd prolly enjoy it" *entire school krumps to death*                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"                   ART: teen shows off his photography skills "i took a picture of a tree man" "so??" "....then i made it black and white" "woah that's deep"                   NO: teen in critical condition after asserting "digimon was way cooler than pokemon" "there's some things you just can't fucking say steve"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen gets turned down at local super market for putting "rolls hella dope blunts" on his resume "how is that not a good skill??"                   You can support the site by clicking an ad if it is relevant to your interests!                   NO: teen in critical condition after asserting "digimon was way cooler than pokemon" "there's some things you just can't fucking say steve"                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   HOLLAWEEN: Teens discuss their halloween costumes "im dressin up as a mocha frappe gonna be watchin the bitches flock" "im going as molly"

TEEN HIJACKS PLANE WITH HOT POCKET


Sorry world, another aerial disaster occurred this afternoon involving an 18 year old college student and the reason Jim Gaffigan is able to feed his children.

NEW YORK, NY - A Harvard student was on a flight from New York to San Francisco that departed at 12:00 PM today and is currently in police custody for suspected terrorist acts.

"We didn't know what was going to happen, he just asked to use a microwave", a flight attendant told teen news with eyes full of tears. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT, I SHOULD'VE ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS MICROWAVING."

According to various eye witnesses, the teen walked into the cockpit with the hot pocket and the pilot loudly exclaimed "IT'S SO HOT". Much to the copilot's amazement, the pilot then bravely took a bite out of the teen's hot pocket and abandoned flying the plane, which sent the plane and all 300 passengers into a free fall.

hot pockets are so f*cking hot
After being punched in the face by the hijacker the pilot swallowed the weapon of choice and steadied the plane, an air marshal on board proceeded to taze the terrorist suspect repeatedly for the rest of the flight.  Teen News got the suspect's last words before he was shipped off to Guantanamo Bay.

"I WAS JUST EATING A FUCKING HOT P