Menu

TRIPPY: teens drop acid for the first time "grasshoppers are the dubstep of nature" "holy shit bro that's so deep" "i'm a young socrates"                   BREAKING: teen girl makes post on public social media for all to see i am so fckinnn mad right now -why? -i don't want to talk about it                   FUNDONT: Teen hospitalized after tragic fondue accident "i thought the bitches would want this warm cheesy dick" "they didnt"                   ICEBREAKER: teen screws up a classic pick-up line "so babe you ever weigh a polar bear" "what?" *breaks ice on girl's head* "wanna make out"                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   iOSHEAVEN: Teens marvel in Apple's latest conquest "iOS 7 is better than being alive" "now i can die happy" "i feel steve jobs inside me"                   NOSTALGIA: HS sophomores reminisce about simpler times "remember the 90's?" "not at all"                   ICEBREAKER: teen screws up a classic pick-up line "so babe you ever weigh a polar bear" "what?" *breaks ice on girl's head* "wanna make out"                   POLNO: Frat teen asks bros if a "black polo and flops" is an alright outfit for his grandmas funeral "dude u gotta at least wear sperrys"                   WHIP GAME: teens hit the go kart track "mushrooms and racing was a great idea" "i feel like mario" "haha steve is just staring at the wheel"                   VIDEO GAMES: teen gets upset while playing Halo "why's this homo called master chef he never even cooks" "it's chief" "he's not even indian"                   MUSIC: h/s senior receives detention after arguing with his teacher "i said lil b is better than elton john" "i guess mr. ross isn't based"                   MAKING WUB: teen credits dubstep for his success with the ladies "you can't spell skrillex without killr sex"                   WHIP GAME: teens hit the go kart track "mushrooms and racing was a great idea" "i feel like mario" "haha steve is just staring at the wheel"                   POT: teen claims to be experiencing marijuana withdrawal "the room...it's so cold" bro u smoked for the first time yesterday "U DONT KNO ME"                   CHILLIN: teens kick it! "i'm bored" wanna like, go outside? "out ..side?" *squints eyes and stares teen down* just fuckin witchu *rips bong*                   ATTITUDE: teen fired from pizza joint for talking back over the phone "how much will a large pizza feed?" "one if ur a fuckin fatass"                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*

TEEN HIJACKS PLANE WITH HOT POCKET


Sorry world, another aerial disaster occurred this afternoon involving an 18 year old college student and the reason Jim Gaffigan is able to feed his children.

NEW YORK, NY - A Harvard student was on a flight from New York to San Francisco that departed at 12:00 PM today and is currently in police custody for suspected terrorist acts.

"We didn't know what was going to happen, he just asked to use a microwave", a flight attendant told teen news with eyes full of tears. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT, I SHOULD'VE ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS MICROWAVING."

According to various eye witnesses, the teen walked into the cockpit with the hot pocket and the pilot loudly exclaimed "IT'S SO HOT". Much to the copilot's amazement, the pilot then bravely took a bite out of the teen's hot pocket and abandoned flying the plane, which sent the plane and all 300 passengers into a free fall.

hot pockets are so f*cking hot
After being punched in the face by the hijacker the pilot swallowed the weapon of choice and steadied the plane, an air marshal on board proceeded to taze the terrorist suspect repeatedly for the rest of the flight.  Teen News got the suspect's last words before he was shipped off to Guantanamo Bay.

"I WAS JUST EATING A FUCKING HOT P