Menu

UNEMPLOYED: teen gets turned down at local super market for putting "rolls hella dope blunts" on his resume "how is that not a good skill??"                   BOSS: teen gets his homework checked "ya i didn't do it" "you don't have an excuse?" "EXCUSE me but how bout you get the FUCK outta my face"                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   MAKING WUB: teen credits dubstep for his success with the ladies "you can't spell skrillex without killr sex"                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   STONED: teen takes his first ever "bong hit" "make sure you drink the bong water, it gets you super baked" "really?" "yea dude trust me"                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"                   OUCH: Teen 'eats shit' while attempting to longboard to class "ive been practicing all summer!" "fuck i ripped my favorite plaid shorts"                   SENSUAL: teen sets up for a perfect date "candle lit dinner, bottle of red wine, and a copy of spy kids on blu ray" *gets 100 blowjobs*                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   :'(: Girl found passed out after what friends call a 'white girl rampage' "becky was wayyy out of control" "she had likee 11 mochafrapss!!"                   SENSUAL: teen sets up for a perfect date "candle lit dinner, bottle of red wine, and a copy of spy kids on blu ray" *gets 100 blowjobs*                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   COOL AF: teen isn't comfortable with temperature in his room A/C to 68° "too cold" A/C to 70° "too hot" A/C to 69° *uncontrollable laughter*                   EARLY BIRD: teen gets woken up "why would you wake me up at such an UNGODLY HOUR??" dude it's 10:30 "JESUS CHRIST ITS PRACTICALLY YESTERDAY"                   SUPER SMASH BROTHAS: teen claims Nintendo is racist "there's no black people in super smash" well, there IS donkey ko- *gets ass beat hard*

TEEN GRIEVANCES SURGE AS LEGALIZED WEED MAKES SOURCING STICKY ICKY TRICKY

DOWNTOWN - Local teens have found themselves in an ironic pickle as the recent legalization of marijuana has paradoxically made it harder for them to get their hands on the green stuff.


marijuana dispensary

"It's like some cruel joke, dude," says 17-year-old Tommy "T-Bong" Jefferson, a self-professed cannabis connoisseur. "The Man says it's okay to light up, but only if you're over 21. It's like waving a candy bar in front of a kid and then locking it in a safe!"

Before the landmark ruling, teens like Tommy relied on the classic 'older sibling connection' or the elusive 'guy that knows a guy.' However, with the new legislation in place, previous suppliers have found it easier and more profitable to enter the legal market, leaving our young heroes high and dry - emphasis on the 'dry.'

Another teen, Jenny "Joints" O'Connor, voiced her annoyance at the predicament. "I mean, they keep going on about the tax benefits and reducing criminal activity, but what about the high school parties? We're down to spin-the-bottle and cheap beer. It's tragic, dude!"

Even school nerds are feeling the burn. Benny "Brownie" Turing, who used to bake a 'special' batch of brownies for the seniors, complained about the shortage of supply. "It's getting so bad I might have to start selling actual brownies," he lamented. "No one wants that, man!"

Local authorities have taken notice of the teenagers' predicament but aren't particularly sympathetic. Chief of Police, Officer Stone, commented dryly, "They'll just have to find another hobby. Maybe something like sports or school work."

As the legal cannabis dispensaries flourish, local teens are begrudgingly coming to terms with their unexpected plight. Paradoxically, the 'good old days' of clandestine deals are being fondly reminisced about in high school corridors.

As Tommy concludes, "Who'd have thought we'd miss the thrill of the chase, man? The forbidden fruit was sweeter, I guess."

And so, the haze has lifted, revealing the sobering reality for these youngsters - a world where obtaining weed has never been more legal... or more challenging.