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GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   EARLY BIRD: teen gets woken up "why would you wake me up at such an UNGODLY HOUR??" dude it's 10:30 "JESUS CHRIST ITS PRACTICALLY YESTERDAY"                   TRAGEDY: local teen legitimately "dies from boredom" "he forgot to bring his iphone with him in the bathroom" "sad day for teens everywhere"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen gets turned down at local super market for putting "rolls hella dope blunts" on his resume "how is that not a good skill??"                   STONED: teen in hospital after "the biggest bong hit of all time" he claims he "ripped that shit like Michael Phelps" and he's "still baked"                   FUN: college teens live it up "i thought tonight we'd go classy, so i bought the $18 vodka instead of the $12 one" "WE'LL DRINK LIKE KINGS"                   GAMER: teens play Metroid Prime "did you know Samus is a chick?" *turns off gamecube* "no" *breaks disk in half* "no i did not"                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   WONDERWALL: : teen learns guitar to pick up girls *strums a single G chord* "i'm gunna get so fucking laid"                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.                   SMOOTH: teen uses a classic pickup line "you like marijuana?" ummm, yeah! "marijuwanna suck my dick?" *gets laid so hard*                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   BOSS: teen gets his homework checked "ya i didn't do it" "you don't have an excuse?" "EXCUSE me but how bout you get the FUCK outta my face"                   <3: teens go out to a romantic dinner "can we have a bottle of your finest sizzurp" *mariachi dubstep band* "babe will you turn up with me?"                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   BUD: teen regrets getting high on marijuana before school "why are your eyes red?" "umm, i was riding my bike with the windows open" "what?"

CHEAP CIGARETTES: 19 & UP

Jersey teens were seen "posting up" outside of a local 7/11 in an effort to buy a pack cigarettes.  Reports have indicated that they were "fiending" for hours and made an entire afternoon out of this mission. It's not easy supporting big tobacco in the United States of America, but somebody has to do it.


The state of New Jersey is on the cutting edge of "cool prevention" programs in the U.S. and a prime example of this legislation is the required age of 19 to purchase tobacco.  Many NJ teens claim that since they have the potential to serve in the military and the ability to vote in government elections they should be able to "smoke a bogie" from time to time.
*walks into store in united states armed forces attire*
"can i have a pack of marlboro 27s please?"
"can i see ID?"
"SIR YES SIR"
"...get outta here!"
*military crawls out of the store*

In this case however, none of the teens felt politically entitled to tobacco because "fuck no i'm not going to fight a bunch of people with beards in a desert" and "voting is the gayest thing a person can do".  They did still have problems buying the cigarettes they so desired.
FIRST ATTEMPT:
*puts cig behind ear to look older*
"do you have ID?"
"nah i left it in my car"
"well...can you get it?"

After failing their first attempt the group of teens sent their oldest looking member to try the second cashier in the hopes that his half beard would sway the employee to forgo the law.
SECOND ATTEMPT:
"pack of marlboro menthols dude"
"can i see ID?"
"i have a beard bro"
"can i see ID?"

Two tries unsurprisingly to no avail, the teens decided to outsource their next attempt to the "coolest older looking dude" who was about to go into the store.
*25 year old man with snapback*
"can you help us out man?"
"fuck off kids"
*20 year old attractive woman*
"can you help us out miss?"
"no that's illegal"
*64 year old man*
"can you help us out sir?"
"what do you liberals need, i haven't turned a man down since 'nam and i won't forget that decision for as long as i live, which probably won't be much longer because i've developed this terri-"

vietnam vets base their swag off of the big lebowski

After listening to about five minutes of stories that the teens didn't care about they finally explained to the old man that they wanted a pack of marlboro menthols.
THIRD ATTEMPT:
"a pack of marlboro menthols"
"are you buying them for those kids outside?"
"what does it matter to you if i was you hippie bitch"
"i can't give these to you"
"NIXON WAS THE GREATEST PRESIDENT OF ALL TIME...sorry kids"

The teens were successful on their fourth and final attempt after deciding to relocate behind the store and asking for a different brand of cigarettes.  However, they quickly realized their quest wasn't over.
"dude we forgot a lighter"
*goes into store*
"can i have a lighter please?"
"do you have ID?"
"FOR A FUCKING LIGHTER!?