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CHILLIN: teens kick it! "i'm bored" wanna like, go outside? "out ..side?" *squints eyes and stares teen down* just fuckin witchu *rips bong*                   YOLO: HS teen takes it to the limit LET'S *turns hat sideways* FUCKING *puts speakers up to 80% full volume* DO THIS *drinks 2 light beers*                   FRESH: teen learns the true power of swag *stomps into the club wearing light up sneakers* "sup bitches" *gets dick sucked to death*                   FUN: college teens live it up "i thought tonight we'd go classy, so i bought the $18 vodka instead of the $12 one" "WE'LL DRINK LIKE KINGS"                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   SUPER SMASH BROTHAS: teen claims Nintendo is racist "there's no black people in super smash" well, there IS donkey ko- *gets ass beat hard*                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   FRESH: teen learns the true power of swag *stomps into the club wearing light up sneakers* "sup bitches" *gets dick sucked to death*                   FML: a white teen was seen crying at starbucks this morning after they got her order wrong "here is your mocha frappe" "YOU'RE*"                   CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"                   SENSUAL: teen sets up for a perfect date "candle lit dinner, bottle of red wine, and a copy of spy kids on blu ray" *gets 100 blowjobs*                   BREAKING: teen girl makes post on public social media for all to see i am so fckinnn mad right now -why? -i don't want to talk about it                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"                   SMACKED: teen nerd gets beat up by own father "sorry son, but you wore a naruto headband to dinner" "that shit just won't fly in my house"                   NOSTALGIA: HS sophomores reminisce about simpler times "remember the 90's?" "not at all"                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds

DUMB TWITTER HASHTAGS: WHITE GIRL FACES HARD TIME

Local teenage girl recently had charges pressed against her for incessant social media abuse


THE WHITE IPHONE: the white
girl's weapon of choice
“oh cool i’m going to wendy’s. i better tweet about this so everyone knows”

The 16 year old white girl (sources indicate her name is “Becky” or “Sarah” or “Something Really White”) was most recently caught using hashtags that went over 50 characters, confusing and annoying plenty of teens on Twitter

brian really is a creeper though

Not only has Rachel taken Twitter by storm, she has also brought her antics to the Facebook scene, polluting many teenagers feed with inane hashtags and public complaints about homework

facebook has hashtags. i guess
nowhere is safe now
Teen news was able to sit down with Melissa to learn more about her harsh crimes against the social media public, though we were separated by a glass wall due to her being in a juvenile detention center for pending charges

teen news: so, alexandra, tell us a little about yourself

jessica: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, well i really like-

teen news: that’s enough about yourself. why don’t you talk about your internet usage

cindy: i LOOOOVVEEEE twitter. have you evr seen the common white girl account?? it’s like they know my freaking life!!

teen news: hmm, yes

amanda: and i mean, facebook is kinda lame but like whatever. i barely go on it
*checks facebook*

teen news: do you understand why you’re being charged with these crimes, brittany?

samantha: uhh, cuz the government is gay?? IDK CREEPER WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME SO MANY QUESTIONS

teen news: thank you for your time

amy: *you’re