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TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   OBAMA CARES: teens have no idea "the government is gonna shut down!?" "yea something about a tea party" "wow politics is so gay"                   POPPIN: local teen overdoses on swagger "once he popped his fourth collar his neck couldn't take the pressure and just snapped" "RIP chad"                   DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   DRUGSTEP: christian parents worried about teenage son "have you been smoking dubstep?" "mom what??" "DON'T LIE TO ME WHERE'S THE SKRILLEX"                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   SIZZURP: Teens shocked after idol Lil Wayne goes into a codeine coma. "#PrayForWeezy" "if he dies we should def get school off"                   SCIENTIFIC: teen "experiments" with homosexuality *analyzes litmus paper* "just as i hypothesized.." *writes down data* "i'm gay"                   BAD HAIR DAY: Teen girl decides to leave school after realizing her hair is "disgusting" an eyewitness stated "i'd still fuck her"                   EASY LIVIN: teens are out of school and ready to let loose for the summer! "yo man i'm bored af" "me too"                   DIESEL: teen gets pulled over "officer, i know i was speeding i was just really mad" *officer lowers shades* "so you were FAST and FURIOUS?"                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   TEEN TALK: "is the double condom method more effective?" "a condom inside a condom? that's like inception dude" "...more like CONTRACEPTION"                   EASY LIVIN: teens are out of school and ready to let loose for the summer! "yo man i'm bored af" "me too"                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   RADICAL: "hip dad" interacts with teenage children "sup kids? you guys feeling YOLO today?" dad no "this dinner sure is MAJOR SWAG" DAD WHY                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   :'(: Girl found passed out after what friends call a 'white girl rampage' "becky was wayyy out of control" "she had likee 11 mochafrapss!!"

BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING: TOP 10 MOST DOPEST ITEMS 4 GOING BACK 2 SCHOOL


Now that you're going back to school teen news is laying out the ten most dopest items that you should definitely have to ready to go.


10. Pens

Fuck homework. It’s to write bitches numbers down. They can’t erase that shit either. We talkin permanent ink here

these are the shittiest fucking type of pens

9. Weed

Smoke it in the bathroom at school. You won’t get in trouble, trust me. You’ll be way too cool to get arrested

kush so loud my neighbor's
dog started barking

8. Snapback

You know those hats that click in the back instead of being fitted to your head? Apparently those are in right now, so wear them. Leave the stickers on it too. Trust me, it’ll make you like super swaggy or whatever


you too can be this cool


7. Walkman

How else are you gunna listen to Smashmouth on the go?

sherk

6. Health Insurance

Being properly insured is very important for any American citizen

#pussymoneyweed

5. Lighters

To light things on fire, mainly cigarettes. I guess candles too but I mean that’s kinda gay tbh

these are the shittiest fucking type of lighter

4. Condoms

You don’t want to have kids, trust me. You’ll be a shitty father

used condom

3. A Funny T-Shirt

A funny graphic tee is the perfect way to get bitches to notice you. You know that shirt you got that has Stewie Griffin on it and it says “I’ve been a bad boy”? Yeah, wear that shit. Bitches love babies

victory will be achieved!!

2. Drugs

You know you need them

#faded

1. Your Parent’s Money

To pay for the drugs you need

rack city, population: you