3. Goodnight Moon
In the story, the child is saying goodnight to the moon while it's still up. The author presumes that when the child grows up he or she will recognize they can't keep passing the fuck out while the moon is still up. That's little kid shit dude.
REAL MORAL: Turn up when you see the moon. Party until the sun goes down.
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| edward scissorhanding the natty |
2. The Tortoise and the Hare
On the surface, this is a simple story about how a rabbit was way too cocky and lost to a god damn turtle in a race. We have debunked this story as a microcosm for high school life. The jocks, the rabbit, steal all the girls that the nerdy kids dream of banging because they're physically superior, faster. Naturally this is caused by the scientific fact that having sex burns way more calories than jerking off which causes a vicious cycle that can affect nerdy teens well into their professional careers. The nerds, the turtle, eventually end up winning the race when they succeed later in life and are able to get a girl way out of their league with the financial resources they gather.
REAL MORAL: You jocks better study up cause in the end bitches are gonna flock towards money.
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| #damnitstrue |
1. The Very Hungry Caterpillar
This one should be painfully obvious. What do the caterpillars eat? Leaves. What is marijuana? A leaf. The caterpillar clearly has the munchies and eats tons of junk food because of it. The perfectly chill caterpillar eats way too much shit and becomes a fatass, a cocoon, and then eventually turns into a butterfly, a feminine bug, a beta dude. The anti-weed, anti-gay sentiment is prevalent in the word choice throughout the story.
REAL MORAL: Do not smoke weed or you will turn into a homosexual.
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| the very heteronormative caterpillar |
