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FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   FML: a white teen was seen crying at starbucks this morning after they got her order wrong "here is your mocha frappe" "YOU'RE*"                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   TRAGEDY: local teen legitimately "dies from boredom" "he forgot to bring his iphone with him in the bathroom" "sad day for teens everywhere"                   FUNDONT: Teen hospitalized after tragic fondue accident "i thought the bitches would want this warm cheesy dick" "they didnt"                   BAD HAIR DAY: Teen girl decides to leave school after realizing her hair is "disgusting" an eyewitness stated "i'd still fuck her"                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   TEEN TALK: "is the double condom method more effective?" "a condom inside a condom? that's like inception dude" "...more like CONTRACEPTION"                   YUM: teen wins Nobel Peace Prize eating at Olive Garden "the breadsticks are unlimited, correct?" yes sir "perfect" *solves world hunger*                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   EASY LIVIN: teens are out of school and ready to let loose for the summer! "yo man i'm bored af" "me too"                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   MUGSHOT: arrested teen makes an odd request while being processed "can you please sepia filter this shot" "also can you hashtag it badass?"                   PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher "can i use the bathroom?" "i don't know, CAN you?" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*                   DRIVE THRU: teens smoke and go to Taco Bell "can i have a taco? HELLO??" dude you gotta lower the window "this is too complicated" *leaves*                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds

NO COUCH TO CRY ON: 'NOT IN THERAPY' CLIQUE YEARNS FOR FREUD TO ROLL IN THEIR HOMEROOM

BURLINGTON, VT - In a high school where sharing your deepest traumas and neuroses has become the new cool, the kids not in therapy are feeling decidedly uncool. Burlington High, long known for its superb cafeteria food and cutthroat chess club, has added a new feather to its cap: becoming the epicenter of the teen therapy trend.

struggling teen

"SPECIAL NEEDS" SPECTACLE: LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL RENAMES ALL CLASSES IN BOLD INCLUSIONARY MOVE

EVERETT, WA - In a controversial decision that's got everyone talking, Elmont's Sacred Oaks High School has taken the term "inclusion" to an unprecedented level. The school announced last week that all classes will henceforth be dubbed "special needs" classes. In response, parents, students, and the wider community are collectively picking their jaws off the floor.

Special Needs

24 WAYS TO AVOID TEEN PREGNANCY

PEORIA, IL - In a surprising twist, nerds nationwide are paving the way in sexual education with an unconventional approach to teen pregnancy prevention. Here are 24 ways the geeks are winning:

Pregnant Teen

FIELD OF DREAMS - AND NIGHTMARES? TEEN SOCCER TEAM TURNS TURF INTO VEGETABLE GARDEN

 CONCORD, NC - In a surprising twist of events, Lakewood High's soccer team has taken the phrase "home field advantage" to a whole new level. The Warriors, a team known more for their school spirit than their skill on the pitch, decided that they could put their lackluster field to better use, turning it into a thriving vegetable garden.


HOT OR NOT: TEEN EDITION - MUFASA ON THE HOT SEAT

NAMPA, ID — In our latest "Hot or Not" segment, we venture into the coastal winds of Huntington Beach to probe the thoughts of Gen Z about a non-traditional heartthrob. This week's contender? None other than the lion king himself, Mufasa.


HOT OR NOT: TEEN EDITION - NANCY PELOSI ON THE HOT SEAT

PASADENA, CA — In our latest segment of "Hot or Not," we roamed the streets of Pasadena to see how Gen Z feels about one of the most high-profile figures in American politics: none other than Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House herself!

Nancy Pelosi on the Hot Seat

HOT OR NOT: TEEN EDITION - JONAH HILL ON THE HOT SEAT

CITY OF LOST YOUTH, USA - Welcome to our newest and possibly recurring segment: "Hot or Not: Teen Edition". This week, local teen social media sensation, Billy "Boomerang" Buckets, took to the streets to gather the uncensored and often inexplicable opinions of his peers on a burning question: Is Jonah Hill hot... or not?

Jonah Hill on the hot seat

BATTER UP... OR DOWN? TEENS TRY BASEBALL WITH BACKWARDS BATS AND BOUNDLESS SPIRIT

NOWHEREVILLE, USA - In a spectacle that would make even the most patient Little League coach cringe, the local high school in Nowhereville has seen an influx of teens trying their hands, quite literally, at America's favorite pastime - baseball. In a twist of events that could only be described as both comedic and cringe-worthy, these youngsters took to the field with bats held backwards.

Teen Baseball Legend

DECAF DISARRAY: JAVA JUNKIES JITTERY OVER CAF-FREE CATASTROPHE

BEANVILLE, USA - An uproar is brewing in the quiet town of Beanville, and it's enough to make any coffee enthusiast spill their precious liquid gold. Local teen barista, Beanie, has been serving decaf lattes instead of the regular caffeinated version at the Beanville Brew. In a twist of events as steamy as the frothy milk on top, she claims she did it for a perfectly sensible reason: to help the town "chill out."

Teen Drinking Coffee

HALF-MOWED, FULLY BOWLED: LAWNCHAOS UNFURLS IN SPLITVILLE

SPLITVILLE, USA - Welcome to the "Mow-narchy!" In a development that could only be compared to choosing between a vegan and gluten-free diet, local teen Brad of Splitville has flabbergasted neighbors by committing the egregious sin of mowing only half his lawn.

teen mowing lawn