BURLINGTON, VT - In a high school where sharing your deepest traumas and neuroses has become the new cool, the kids not in therapy are feeling decidedly uncool. Burlington High, long known for its superb cafeteria food and cutthroat chess club, has added a new feather to its cap: becoming the epicenter of the teen therapy trend.
Once upon a time, being in therapy might have gotten you strange looks, but these days at Burlington, it gets you invites to the most exclusive post-session venting parties. The more Freudian your slips, the cooler you are - leaving those outside the therapy bubble feeling left out in the cold.
The 'Not in Therapy' gang, once commended for their emotional resilience, now find themselves yearning for a taste of the psychoanalytical pie. Their pleas for schoolwide group therapy sessions fall on deaf ears, while their self-organized “lunchtime lament sessions” in the library continue to fly under the radar.
Meanwhile, the ‘In Therapy’ clique, armed with an arsenal of self-awareness and fashionable emotional baggage, are lapping up the attention. As Taylor, their charismatic leader, puts it, "Maybe if they had a therapist, they'd understand why they're so bothered by us!"
Even the school’s guidance counselor, Miss Patsy Collins, is baffled by the sudden therapy boom. "I had three appointments for sprained ankles last week. Since when did physical injuries require emotional healing?"
As the therapy tide continues to rise in Burlington High, other schools may want to prepare for a mental health wave - or at least invest in a few more couches. Until then, the ‘Not in Therapy’ kids can only hope that their dream of Freud becoming a substitute teacher will soon come true.
