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SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   CHILLIN: teens kick it! "i'm bored" wanna like, go outside? "out ..side?" *squints eyes and stares teen down* just fuckin witchu *rips bong*                   ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   WOW: teen forcibly removed from house by father after he claimed to "not like Justin Timberlake" "YOU WILL RESPECT JT'S TALENT IN THIS HOME"                   <3: teens go out to a romantic dinner "can we have a bottle of your finest sizzurp" *mariachi dubstep band* "babe will you turn up with me?"                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   EASY LIVIN: teens are out of school and ready to let loose for the summer! "yo man i'm bored af" "me too"                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   MUSIC: h/s senior receives detention after arguing with his teacher "i said lil b is better than elton john" "i guess mr. ross isn't based"                   PREP: teen frat star walks halls decked out in all Polo *sees black person wearing ecko* *hides* *whispers to himself* "help me mitt romney"                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   DUDE: teens make their Breaking Bad predictions "dude badgers gunna be the new heisenberg" *rips bong so fucking hard* "that wud be dopeeee"                   CANDIE: Teen sent to office after making a 'shank' by sucking on a Push-Pop™ over a period of time "7th grades tough gotta stay strapped"                   PREP: teen frat star walks halls decked out in all Polo *sees black person wearing ecko* *hides* *whispers to himself* "help me mitt romney"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   HOUSE RULES: a teen argues with his father "WEAR YOUR SNAPBACK SON" "dad why" "there are swagless kids in africa" "UGH YOU'RE TOO RAD DAD"                   SHY: teen refuses to get naked in front of her bf b/c she's "too fat" sources indicate bf "doesn't care" & "just wants to see some titties"                   CRITIC: teen isn't too thrilled with his movie experience "more like the DECENT gatsby, 3/5 stars" "there weren't even tits"

FIELD OF DREAMS - AND NIGHTMARES? TEEN SOCCER TEAM TURNS TURF INTO VEGETABLE GARDEN

 CONCORD, NC - In a surprising twist of events, Lakewood High's soccer team has taken the phrase "home field advantage" to a whole new level. The Warriors, a team known more for their school spirit than their skill on the pitch, decided that they could put their lackluster field to better use, turning it into a thriving vegetable garden.


"Man, we weren't scoring goals anyway," said team captain Jackson 'Jax' O'Brien, while proudly holding a ripe tomato. "We thought, why not score some veggies instead?" The move, though radical, has certainly caught the attention of the community and beyond.

Parents and faculty initially expressed shock. "I thought I was seeing things," says history teacher and once-disappointed soccer mom Marla Jensen. "There was our Jax, right in the center circle, kneeling with a shovel instead of a soccer ball!"

Opposing teams were also thrown for a loop, with the Warriors' first 'match' post-vegetation resulting in a hilarious mix-up. "We had no idea what was going on," said St. Patrick's high striker Liam McShane, confusion still visible in his eyes. "We came ready to kick some balls, not pull some beets."

But it wasn't long before the concept started taking root in the hearts of Lakewood residents. Local organic food stores have praised the Warriors' initiative, and have even offered to purchase their organic produce, effectively turning the school’s soccer program into an agriculturally focused venture.

"Instead of running drills, we're running irrigation," explains Jax. "We've learned more about teamwork through gardening than we ever did playing soccer."

Whether this is the future of high school sports or just a temporary detour, one thing is certain: The Warriors are sowing seeds of change, and it's impossible to ignore the fruits of their labor. Stay tuned to see if the trend catches on nationwide. Till then, it's back to the beets for the Warriors!