Menu

GOSSIP: 7th graders talk rumors "i heard tina gave billy a handjob behind the bleachers after school" for real? "yea" wait what's a handjob?                   FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   FAMILY DINNER: "mom what are we eating?" "we're having pasta" *mom puts on dubstep* "with a side of TURNIP" *everyone goes fucking nuts*                   POT: teen claims to be experiencing marijuana withdrawal "the room...it's so cold" bro u smoked for the first time yesterday "U DONT KNO ME"                   CENSORED: 10th grade teen refuses to say "the n word" during a class reading of To Kill A Mockingbird "there were black kids in that class"                   WONDERWALL: : teen learns guitar to pick up girls *strums a single G chord* "i'm gunna get so fucking laid"                   CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"                   DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"                   BADASS: teen smokes for first time "yeah i found this blunt in my moms ash tray" *lights cig* *coughs* "that good kush and alcohol son!"                   RADICAL: "hip dad" interacts with teenage children "sup kids? you guys feeling YOLO today?" dad no "this dinner sure is MAJOR SWAG" DAD WHY                   FRESH: teen learns the true power of swag *stomps into the club wearing light up sneakers* "sup bitches" *gets dick sucked to death*                   BUDS: teens smoke marijuana "dude, could you imagine if weed was illegal?" "it is illegal" "WHAT??" *throws bong out window, flees country*                   STONED: teen takes his first ever "bong hit" "make sure you drink the bong water, it gets you super baked" "really?" "yea dude trust me"                   RADICAL: "hip dad" interacts with teenage children "sup kids? you guys feeling YOLO today?" dad no "this dinner sure is MAJOR SWAG" DAD WHY                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   DISSED: teen engages in a rap battle "dude ur raps are toilet/if i pooped in ur mouth you'd prolly enjoy it" *entire school krumps to death*

LOVE IS A HIGHWAY: first date ends anticlimactically with a bit of a fender bender "i'm still confused how this is my fault...those aholes should have named it a drive-near theater"

Teens Crashing Honda Civic Into Movie Screen DENVER, CO - In an incident that has left the community both baffled and amused, a local teen's first date at a traditional drive-in theater ended in an unexpected collision with the movie screen. The teen, who has blamed the venue's naming for the accident, has sparked a conversation about the driving skills of today's youth and the responsibilities of entertainment venues.
Read more »

NO FLEX ZONE: teen breaks up with girlfriend "its just not- *curls dumbbell* WORKING OUT for me" "that's funny" "i kno rite. but still we're still thru"

Couple breaking up in gym while lifting weights PHOENIX, AZ - In a shocking turn of events that has left the local gym community absolutely shook, a teen known only as Chad Flexington III has broken up with his girlfriend, Tiffany Toned, in what can only be described as the most lit breakup of the century. The incident occurred at Bicep Bliss Gym, where the couple was spotted working out together before things took a turn for the dramatic.
Read more »

BOY LUNCH: guys at a local high school feel left out "can i get some boob action as a side?" "i really want to feel the repressed rage in this sandwich"

WINDFALL CITY - High schools, typically known for their outdated textbooks and relentless teenage drama, took an unexpected turn at Windfall City High when the male student body made a perplexing discovery: they were missing out on some prime cafeteria specials. How? Well, apparently someone decided that it's "Girl Lunch" week in the cafeteria, but no one bothered to give the memo to the gents.
Read more »

NEW SCHOOL COOL: college teens party with a millennial "you guys got any beer?" *sniffs a line of pure dogecoin* "GUYS GRANDPA WANTS TO CARBO-LOAD"

dogecoin party NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ - It was a sight to behold when college teens at Riverdale University invited a millennial to one of their notorious shindigs this past weekend.
Read more »

BACK TO THE FUTURE: teens confused by time capsule from the distant past "what the hell is a crazy bone" "AI gore? intense."

teens opening up a time capsule APPLETON, NJ - A group of unsuspecting teens at Appleton High got a one-way ticket to Confusionville when they unearthed a time capsule from the distant past.
Read more »

GREAIT MINDS THINK ALIKE: teens get a response on their career aspiration essay assignment "it looks like ALL of you responded 'As an artificial intelligence language model, I don't have personal ambitions or desires like humans do.'"

Teacher Upset at Students' Essays ANCHORAGE, AL - Something unexpected has blossomed in the frosty classrooms of Anchorage High: unity. A recent assignment, to pen an essay on career aspirations, led to an unexpected consensus among the city's teen scholars. They all want to be...Artificial Intelligence Language Models?
Read more »

GOLDEN GIRLS: teen discovers the not-so-wonderful world of porn "bro haven't you ever wondered what your grandma looks like naked?" "..........no?"

BUCKEYE, AZ - Puberty hits hard, and no one knows this better than 14-year-old Tucson resident, Timmy "Tech-Wiz" Watson. After stumbling upon the curious world of pornography, Tech-Wiz took a deep dive into the rabbit hole and surfaced with an existential question of a lifetime, leaving his friends and the entire community utterly flabbergasted.
Read more »

THIS IS FORTY: teen finds the perfect birthday gift for his mother "i'm not going to call her a 'bitch' today"

Angry Teen and Happy Mom POUGHKEEPSIE - It's a day that will be remembered in the annals of Poughkeepsie. Local teen, Eddie "Skate Rat" Thompson, known for his exceptional ability to push his mother's patience to the breaking point, made a revolutionary birthday promise. For his mom's 40th birthday, he swore off his daily tradition of punctuating every sentence with the endearing moniker, "bitch."
Read more »

SHARK WEEK: new clout chasing trend has teens braving the ocean covered in chum "can you imagine how many insta followers i'll get if it rips of my freaking arm"

last image of billy benson SUNNYDALE BEACH - A new wave of thrill-seeking teens is hitting Sunnydale's shores, and it's making the town's old guard of surfers feel like they're swimming with guppies. The latest TikTok trend, dubbed #ChumDive, sees adrenaline-addled teens diving into the ocean covered head-to-toe in fish guts and blood, all in an effort to chase that elusive viral fame.
Read more »

COKED UP: teens just want to party "I NEED MORE" "dude put the contraband down, diabetes is no joke"

odd looking teens BETTENSVILLE - "We're not talking about the illegal substance here, folks," clarified local police chief, Marvin Higgs, as he wiped the remnants of a chocolate sprinkle doughnut from his mouth. The epidemic he referred to, which has consumed the teens of Bettenville High, was of a more sugary nature. Soft drinks, specifically Coca Cola, have become the lifeblood of the local teen scene, with weekend ragers morphing into sugar-laden soda fests.
Read more »
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)