POUGHKEEPSIE - It's a day that will be remembered in the annals of Poughkeepsie. Local teen, Eddie "Skate Rat" Thompson, known for his exceptional ability to push his mother's patience to the breaking point, made a revolutionary birthday promise. For his mom's 40th birthday, he swore off his daily tradition of punctuating every sentence with the endearing moniker, "bitch."
Residents are reportedly in shock, with some hypothesizing that the local water supply has been contaminated with trace amounts of respect for elders. However, others believe the change of heart can be traced back to a single, pivotal moment.
"Eddie fell off his skateboard and couldn't call his mom a 'bitch' because his jaw was wired shut," recalled local pharmacist, Gertie McCormick. "For a whole week, the air felt different. Less...charged."
Since Eddie's proclamation, the entire town has been riding a wave of mild bewilderment. Even Eddie's own friends are struggling to understand this newfound restraint.
"I mean, is she not a bitch anymore?" mused Eddie's best friend, Mikey "Scab" O'Rourke, scratching his head with his board. "Like, did she have a bitch-ectomy or something?"
But, of course, the person most affected by this change is Eddie's mom, Martha Thompson. "Honestly, it's the best gift I could have asked for," she said, her eyes welling up with tears. "I was preparing for the usual 'bitch'-laden tirade, but instead, he gave me the gift of silence. Well, not total silence, but comparatively, it's golden."
With this new era in Poughkeepsie history dawning, the town waits with bated breath. Will Eddie hold to his word? Or will his mother's 41st birthday see the return of the 'bitch' storm? Only time will tell.
