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DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"                   YUNG LOVE: teen receives a text from his gf "i miss u" "i literally just left your house" "k" *throws phone at wall*                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*                   TEEN TALK: "is the double condom method more effective?" "a condom inside a condom? that's like inception dude" "...more like CONTRACEPTION"                   MAIL: teen writes love letter to gf babe, ilu more then weed. well, u nd weed r prolly bout equal bc i luv weed alot but still love, steve                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   IDIOT: Teen throws big party but forgets one key element "dude i forgot music" "just use ur laptop" "i only have greenday" "mother of god"                   BAKED: teens get so high on marijuana they "forgot the alamo" "the what??" "DUDE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THIS SHIT"                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   BALLER: teens discuss their plans while shooting hoops "what are you doing tonight?" *shoots* "nothing but-" *swishes* "netflix"                   FADEAD: teens try drugs for the first time "dude i smoked like eleven beers" one teen claims "i drank like 2 weeds and drove" one teen dead                   FADEAD: teens try drugs for the first time "dude i smoked like eleven beers" one teen claims "i drank like 2 weeds and drove" one teen dead                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   KOOLS: teen buys cigs to impress girls "can i get a pack of boges?" "what kind?" *lowers shades* "the kind that gives you the most cancer"                   KILLER KUSH: teens get high "bro i think i'm dead" "ur just freaking out" "i'm srs" *turns into ghost* "damn, that kush was dank" *hi fives*                   OUCH: Teen 'eats shit' while attempting to longboard to class "ive been practicing all summer!" "fuck i ripped my favorite plaid shorts"                   TRIPPY: teens drop acid for the first time "grasshoppers are the dubstep of nature" "holy shit bro that's so deep" "i'm a young socrates"

NO FLEX ZONE: teen breaks up with girlfriend "its just not- *curls dumbbell* WORKING OUT for me" "that's funny" "i kno rite. but still we're still thru"

PHOENIX, AZ - In a shocking turn of events that has left the local gym community absolutely shook, a teen known only as Chad Flexington III has broken up with his girlfriend, Tiffany Toned, in what can only be described as the most lit breakup of the century. The incident occurred at Bicep Bliss Gym, where the couple was spotted working out together before things took a turn for the dramatic.

Couple breaking up in gym while lifting weights

The Breakup Heard 'Round the Gym

Chad, who is known for his love of lifting and his totally rad collection of tank tops, was in the middle of a set of bicep curls when he turned to Tiffany and said, "It's just not- curls dumbbell WORKING OUT for me." Tiffany, who was busy flexing her own muscles in the mirror, responded with a laugh, "That's funny." Chad, not missing a beat, replied, "I kno rite. But still we're still thru."

The entire gym fell into a stunned silence, broken only by the clatter of weights and the distant sound of someone dropping a protein shake in shock. Witnesses described the scene as "totally wild" and "like, something out of a movie or something."

The Aftermath: A Community Weighs In

The breakup has sent shockwaves through the local fitness community, with many gym-goers taking to social media to share their thoughts, feelings, and favorite workout memes.

Local fitness influencer, Buff Benny, tweeted, "Bro, did you hear about Chad and Tiffany? #NoFlexZone #GainsGoneWrong." The tweet has since gone viral, with thousands of retweets and likes.

Gym owner, Arnold Pumpinator, spoke exclusively to our reporters, saying, "This is a place for lifting weights, not breaking hearts. But hey, at least he broke up with her in between sets. That's dedication."

A Love Story: From Squats to Splits

Chad and Tiffany's love story began in the free weights section and blossomed over shared protein shakes and matching gym outfits. Friends described them as the "perfect fit," always supporting each other's gains and never missing a leg day together.

But like a poorly executed deadlift, their relationship began to strain. Rumors of disagreements over proper squat form and heated debates about the best pre-workout supplements began to circulate.

The Future: Single and Ready to Mingle (With Dumbbells)

Both Chad and Tiffany have declined to comment on the breakup, but sources close to the couple say they are both focusing on their individual fitness goals.

Chad was last seen flexing in the mirror and taking selfies for his Instagram followers, while Tiffany has reportedly joined a new yoga class and is embracing her inner zen.

Conclusion: A Breakup for the Fitness Ages

In a world where love can be as fleeting as a gym membership in January, the story of Chad and Tiffany serves as a reminder that sometimes, love just isn't working out. Whether you're lifting weights or lifting your spirits after a breakup, remember to always keep it 100 and never skip heart day.

This has been your totally professional news report from a Zoomer who's just trying to make sense of this wild world of love, weights, and protein shakes. Stay swole, readers. Stay swole.