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STONED: teen in hospital after "the biggest bong hit of all time" he claims he "ripped that shit like Michael Phelps" and he's "still baked"                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   ART: teen shows off his photography skills "i took a picture of a tree man" "so??" "....then i made it black and white" "woah that's deep"                   PREP: teen frat star walks halls decked out in all Polo *sees black person wearing ecko* *hides* *whispers to himself* "help me mitt romney"                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   ORATORY SKILLS: teen uses a classic tactic of rhetoric in a debate with his peer "you're gay" "no, YOU'RE gay" *teen stands in shock*                   OBAMA CARES: teens have no idea "the government is gonna shut down!?" "yea something about a tea party" "wow politics is so gay"                   NO HOMO: local 6th grader claims he would "suck dick for some lunchables" He further stated that he doesn't know what "suck dick" means                   TRAGIC: teen reportedly "never seen again" after entering a Hot Topic "we begged him not to enter that store" "he belongs to the mall now"                   TRAGEDY: local teen legitimately "dies from boredom" "he forgot to bring his iphone with him in the bathroom" "sad day for teens everywhere"                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   DISSED: teen engages in a rap battle "dude ur raps are toilet/if i pooped in ur mouth you'd prolly enjoy it" *entire school krumps to death*                   TRAGEDY: local teen legitimately "dies from boredom" "he forgot to bring his iphone with him in the bathroom" "sad day for teens everywhere"                   FILIBUSTED: student government faces a shut down "our spring fling should be 70s themed" "80s OR NOTHING" presently no agreement is in sight                   You can support the site by clicking an ad if it is relevant to your interests!                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"

OLD TECHNOLOGY IS THE #1 KILLER OF TEENS IN 2014

Even though many experts expected the number one cause of teen death to revert to virginity (the number one teen killer in 2012) and a handful campaigned that swag overdoses (the number one teen killer in 2013) would remain on top, outdated technology kills more teens everyday than automobile accidents and bee stings combined.


CAMDEN, NJ - In an area notorious for violent homicides, a new serial killer is on the loose.  iPod nanos, flip phones, corded telephones, and non-flat screen tvs and computer monitors are killing off the next generation of Americans everyday.  Dr. Sarah Buschetti refers to it as the "forgetting the 90s" effect.

"We're entering uncharted territory in American history; starting in 2013, there have been teenagers that weren't born in the 90s."  The esteemed DeVry University professor continued, "the American government had an opportunity to destroy these dangerous artifacts of the forgotten decade, but refused.  They put money into dumb things like the military and cancer research."

many statistics and numbers are facts
Just last week two teens were asphyxiated by telephone cords, fourteen were cut in half by Motorola Razrs, and seventy six were crushed by old computer monitors.  While she believes 90% of millennials will perish before 2017, Dr. Buschetti has some advice for older teens to stay alive "Remember the 90s...whatever you do, just try to remember the 90s."