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BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   TEEN TALK: "is the double condom method more effective?" "a condom inside a condom? that's like inception dude" "...more like CONTRACEPTION"                   LEGIT: teen gets real "i'm all about three things: pussy, weed, and kill streaks" *rips bong and plays black ops* "...the pussy can wait"                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   NO: teen in critical condition after asserting "digimon was way cooler than pokemon" "there's some things you just can't fucking say steve"                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   BALLER: teens discuss their plans while shooting hoops "what are you doing tonight?" *shoots* "nothing but-" *swishes* "netflix"                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   BALLER: teens discuss their plans while shooting hoops "what are you doing tonight?" *shoots* "nothing but-" *swishes* "netflix"                   STYLE: teen wears new scarf to school "what's that bro? a cum rag?" "nah, it's a pussy eating bib" *walks into girl's locker room*                   FLIRT: teens interact sexually "is that an iPhone in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "it's a Samsung Galaxy you stupid bitch"                   RADICAL: "hip dad" interacts with teenage children "sup kids? you guys feeling YOLO today?" dad no "this dinner sure is MAJOR SWAG" DAD WHY                   OCTOBER: teens go on a haunted hayride *throws hay onto females* "HAY GIRL" *throws more hay* "i said...HAY GIRL" "hayyyy!" *gets laid*

FIVE EASY FATHER'S DAY GIFTS


Damn, wasn't it just Mother's Day like two minutes ago? Whatever, we at teen news know damn well you haven't bought anything yet, so we've personally partnered with Amazon's Jeff Bezos and his drones to deliver whatever useless shit your dad doesn't want this year.





5) Magazines - Shop Amazon - Father's Day Sale: Up to 83% Off on Top Men's Magazines

For the people who have fathers with a fetish for the experience of waiting in doctor's offices.






4) Gift Cards - Shop Amazon - Father's Day Gift Cards - Free Gift Box and One-Day Shipping

Well, if you have any siblings you can definitely rank up in terms of "kid most likely to be sacrificed to some pagan god" by getting your Dad a gift card.  Some people are into that though, so, I mean, it's something.





3) Electronics - Shop Amazon - Electronics Father's Day Gift Guide

Keep in mind your dad was born when Rock N Roll could actually get you laid and iPhones didn't even exist.  Electronics aren't a bad gift, but your old man will most likely give up on figuring the thing out and you'll end up overpaying for a dusty bedroom decoration.




2) Watches - Shop Amazon - Take 25% Off - Father's Day Watch Savings

Great idea guy! Let's get the oldest dude I know a device that let's him known just how much fucking older he's getting by the second.



1) Car Supplies - Shop Amazon - Save Up to 45% on Automotive Gifts for Dad

Cars are the ultimate method of transportation for dads.  They take them to Home Depot and back on the reg.  Go ahead and buy your dad some bullshit car supplies.