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NO HOMO: local 6th grader claims he would "suck dick for some lunchables" He further stated that he doesn't know what "suck dick" means                   PUTT PUTT: teen has trouble on his first date w/ female "she beat me in mini golf" that's rough, what did you do? "i left her there" nice                   SHY: teen refuses to get naked in front of her bf b/c she's "too fat" sources indicate bf "doesn't care" & "just wants to see some titties"                   LEGIT: teen gets real "i'm all about three things: pussy, weed, and kill streaks" *rips bong and plays black ops* "...the pussy can wait"                   GOSSIP: 7th graders talk rumors "i heard tina gave billy a handjob behind the bleachers after school" for real? "yea" wait what's a handjob?                   BALLER: teens discuss their plans while shooting hoops "what are you doing tonight?" *shoots* "nothing but-" *swishes* "netflix"                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   RAP GAME: teen claims to have "2nd degree murdered" the track after rhyming "zimmerman" with "swimmer tan" however a florida jury disagreed                   ICEBREAKER: teen screws up a classic pick-up line "so babe you ever weigh a polar bear" "what?" *breaks ice on girl's head* "wanna make out"                   FUN: college teens live it up "i thought tonight we'd go classy, so i bought the $18 vodka instead of the $12 one" "WE'LL DRINK LIKE KINGS"                   BAZINGA: teen breaks up with girlfriend for complicated reasons "she liked the big bang theory" "i just couldn't respect her as a person"                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   WOAH: teen finds out the secret to girls "it's all about politeness" *pulls out seat* "you look lovely" *ripsticks directly into her vagina*                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   BAZINGA: teen breaks up with girlfriend for complicated reasons "she liked the big bang theory" "i just couldn't respect her as a person"                   HOLLAWEEN: Teens discuss their halloween costumes "im dressin up as a mocha frappe gonna be watchin the bitches flock" "im going as molly"                   COLLEGE: teen takes Adderall to help his grades "i'm gunna crush this test yo" *next day* "wait, you have to STUDY also??" *fails hard*                   GERIATRIC: teens talk about the future "isn't it crazy that they'll play dubstep at our nursing homes?" "skrillex is our frank sinatra"                   OUCH: Teen 'eats shit' while attempting to longboard to class "ive been practicing all summer!" "fuck i ripped my favorite plaid shorts"

FIVE EASY FATHER'S DAY GIFTS


Damn, wasn't it just Mother's Day like two minutes ago? Whatever, we at teen news know damn well you haven't bought anything yet, so we've personally partnered with Amazon's Jeff Bezos and his drones to deliver whatever useless shit your dad doesn't want this year.





5) Magazines - Shop Amazon - Father's Day Sale: Up to 83% Off on Top Men's Magazines

For the people who have fathers with a fetish for the experience of waiting in doctor's offices.






4) Gift Cards - Shop Amazon - Father's Day Gift Cards - Free Gift Box and One-Day Shipping

Well, if you have any siblings you can definitely rank up in terms of "kid most likely to be sacrificed to some pagan god" by getting your Dad a gift card.  Some people are into that though, so, I mean, it's something.





3) Electronics - Shop Amazon - Electronics Father's Day Gift Guide

Keep in mind your dad was born when Rock N Roll could actually get you laid and iPhones didn't even exist.  Electronics aren't a bad gift, but your old man will most likely give up on figuring the thing out and you'll end up overpaying for a dusty bedroom decoration.




2) Watches - Shop Amazon - Take 25% Off - Father's Day Watch Savings

Great idea guy! Let's get the oldest dude I know a device that let's him known just how much fucking older he's getting by the second.



1) Car Supplies - Shop Amazon - Save Up to 45% on Automotive Gifts for Dad

Cars are the ultimate method of transportation for dads.  They take them to Home Depot and back on the reg.  Go ahead and buy your dad some bullshit car supplies.