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420: "son, can you look up how many grams are in an ounce?" "oh, it's 28" "why do you know that?" "because i love... the metric system" "oh"                   ELECTED: teen wins over his high school in class elections "if elected... I WILL LEGALIZE MARIJUANA" *entire student body starts krumping*                   STUDY: teen crams for exam PREPARE THE LUBE MOTHER *jams textbook into anus* i guess you can say ill be pulling the answers...OUT OF MY ASS                   WHIP GAME: teens hit the go kart track "mushrooms and racing was a great idea" "i feel like mario" "haha steve is just staring at the wheel"                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   POLNO: Frat teen asks bros if a "black polo and flops" is an alright outfit for his grandmas funeral "dude u gotta at least wear sperrys"                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   WHY: teens can't understand their failures with women "i wore my best fedora!" did you show her ur beyblades? "no i forgot" rookie mistake                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   DIESEL: teen gets pulled over "officer, i know i was speeding i was just really mad" *officer lowers shades* "so you were FAST and FURIOUS?"                   WHY: teens can't understand their failures with women "i wore my best fedora!" did you show her ur beyblades? "no i forgot" rookie mistake                   BOSS: teen gets his homework checked "ya i didn't do it" "you don't have an excuse?" "EXCUSE me but how bout you get the FUCK outta my face"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   WHY: teens can't understand their failures with women "i wore my best fedora!" did you show her ur beyblades? "no i forgot" rookie mistake                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   CENSORED: 10th grade teen refuses to say "the n word" during a class reading of To Kill A Mockingbird "there were black kids in that class"                   420: teens smoke after school "dude, do you ever think like, what if you were a chick? like what if- "WHAT IF YOU PASSED THE FUCKING BLUNT?"                   RIPPED: teens claim to have smoked that celebrity kush "i'm emma stoned" "i'm baked shelton" "i can't think of one...but i'm high af"

SAN FRANCISCO TEEN FAILS DRIVER'S TEST FOR 69TH TIME



Surprisingly, this particular teen was neither asian nor female.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Local teen Benjamin Harrison has taken the Californian license test sixty-nine times between November 11th, 2010 and today, May 27th, 2014.  

"I was really excited to finally be able to drive a car whenever I wanted when I turned 16, three and a half years ago.  I don't know why I can't get it."

Benjamin has totaled 17 vehicles over this period of time with quite a repertoire of "finishing moves".  Including driving off a bridge, colliding into two telephone poles, and setting off a nuclear bomb.


"Life hasn't been the same since that nuclear bomb went off a few years back.  My whole family was in Oakland, now, they're in Oakheaven." - J.R. Tooley, 54