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FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   BARGAIN: teen buys weed for the first time *hands dealer $20* *gets handed bag of chopped leaves* *smells bag* "woah this is some dank kush"                   BALLING: Teen takes girlfriend out to dinner "ight babe were gonna split the 60 pc nugget" "a milkshake? idk babe maybe next time"                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   MAKING WUB: teen credits dubstep for his success with the ladies "you can't spell skrillex without killr sex"                   QUEERS OF WAR: teens argue over Xbox Live "suck my dick!" "no you suck my dick, bitch!" *teens exchange numbers and suck each other's dicks*                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   LIQUOR: teen girls celebrate wasted wednesday *shot #1* turn up! *shot #2* my bf is a totals dickk *shot #3* *pukes all over the floor*                   CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"                   FLAMER: teen boy's house burns down due to his scented candle collection. Firefighters comment "it's the gayest tradegy i've seen in years"                   DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   NEITHER: "which fedora should i wear?"                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds                   BONDING: teen doesn't want to go to school "dad, it's just real fcking gay" "honestly son, you have a point" *father rolls fat ass blunt*                   SCIENCE PROJECT: "as you can see, the air flows through the water bec-" THIS IS A BONG "it's called a water pipe" GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"

SAN FRANCISCO TEEN FAILS DRIVER'S TEST FOR 69TH TIME



Surprisingly, this particular teen was neither asian nor female.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Local teen Benjamin Harrison has taken the Californian license test sixty-nine times between November 11th, 2010 and today, May 27th, 2014.  

"I was really excited to finally be able to drive a car whenever I wanted when I turned 16, three and a half years ago.  I don't know why I can't get it."

Benjamin has totaled 17 vehicles over this period of time with quite a repertoire of "finishing moves".  Including driving off a bridge, colliding into two telephone poles, and setting off a nuclear bomb.


"Life hasn't been the same since that nuclear bomb went off a few years back.  My whole family was in Oakland, now, they're in Oakheaven." - J.R. Tooley, 54